A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello there...Okay...I have several problems really. The first one is this:Yesterday, my "friend" and two of her friends played a very sick joke on me, and let me tell you, I am so glad that I only believed them for a split-second. The joke was basically telling me my boyfriend had died and I didn't know about it. It seemed to me like they had this all planned, especially when they IMed me a picture of a gravestone with my bf's name on it. It hurt me extrodinary, and I am now filled with worry that my bf of over a year won't be here the next day. I cried for a good hour last night, maybe more. I talked to another friend who I only know online (I know the other girls from school and such) and she told me to try and get revenge, and I hesitated. But I did agree with her that my "friend" should rot in hell, but that's a different story.So what do I do with this problem? Just let it go and forgive my "friend"?Problem #2:Now this one is a little more serious. Okay...actually it's a lot more serious. You will be shocked when you hear this (maybe..depends on who you are). I used to watch porn on the school laptops we got each year (we were allowed to take them home). Yes, I know, it's horrible, and I'm incredibly ashamed of it. Now I think it's just a sick thing that should have never been made. But now, summer vacation and school's over for the summer, I don't know what to do. I deleted just about every bit of evidence I could find on my laptop, and now I worrying my head off about what they'll do to me. To tell the truth, I was always the good kid. I haven't gotten in trouble much. Once in third grade I hit some guy in the eye with a stick and I didn't get into that much trouble because I had always been the good kid. But now I'm worried. I'm thinking that this will be the end of my school life. But in other ways I don't even think they'll find out. The only one who knows is me, and I don't dare to tell anyone else.Now what do I do here? Please help me...this worry is like eating me from the inside!
View related questions:
porn, revenge Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (26 July 2007):
I think the lap top issue is not a problem. Chances are you won’t get found out, and if you do, just say sorry. Everyone knows that teenagers will be curious, they will understand.
About the gravestone thing. These girls are not your friends. They deliberately planned this well in advance, so they can’t claim that it was a slip of the tongue. It takes time to manipulate a photo like that. They may be jealous of you, they may just be sick in the head. Whatever the reason, they are no good for you. How do you know they wouldn’t do something else nasty another time? I wouldn’t bother with revenge – why sink to their level? You are better than that. And you might get into trouble if you did something drastic.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2007): They are not your friends. Friends don't do things like that to people they care about. Whatever their motivation, they are sadistic and without conscience. If someone did something like that to me, I would never speak to them again.
As for the second issue, that is much less serious and I agree with the others I wouldn't worry about it.
...............................
A
male
reader, The Bartender +, writes (25 July 2007):
1. Find new friends and also understand that it takes some time for a deceased person to recieve the tombstone, they aren't made over night... just add that nugget to your critcal thinking skills.2. I would bet every single lap top given out to students have traces of porn on them, most likely more than you, just be sure to clear your history and cache files for your web browser and you will be good to go, well, unless you downloaded something...
...............................
A
female
reader, Beckto +, writes (25 July 2007):
 First of all, your "friends" don't seem to be real friends. Especially if they didn't apologize for scaring you. I would take the higher ground and NOT get revenge. Just blow it off and learn from this experience (learn that they're not your real friends!)
Secondly, you should be more careful about what you do on computers that are not your own! But, I have to say, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being curious... especially at your age. We all have looked at porno magazines or porno websites when we were your age, and there is nothing to be ashamed of. This is totally normal. Don't worry. But, be more careful in the future about how you look at the stuff. Almost anything you do on a computer can be tracked if the person doing the tracking is savvy enough.
If you do get caught (which I think is unlikely), what is the worst thing that could happen? They will bring you in to ask you about it. If I were you, if this does happen, be honest and up front. Just say, "I was curious at the time, but I felt bad after I did it. I won't ever do it again, and I'm sorry."
Don't worry! It's ok! There's nothing wrong with you!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2007): Problem #1
That was a VERY sick joke your friends played on you. In fact, I don't think that it's a joke at all. Have your so-called friends had a boyfriend in a while? If they have, was the relationship as successful as yours has been? If not, I should think your friends are probably jealous.
If my friends did this to me, I would speak to them outright. Ask them why they did it and tell them it upset you. It may also be best if you do this when you're on your own with them, and maybe even talk to them individually because they may snigger if they are together. Explain how this wasn't a fair joke to play and tell them exactly how you feel about it.
They may not have realised it would hurt you this much, and if this is the case they will most likely apologise and it won't happen again. However, if they don't take you seriously, don't apologise and pull another mean trick again then perhaps it's time to start wondering whether they are real friends or not. At the end of the day, it would be painful to lose close friends over an incident like this but you can make more and do you really want to be friends with people who try to hurt you intentionally? This could be the beginning of a whole chain of mean jokes and tricks.
Problem #2
Is there nobody you can trust enough to tell? A close friend, family member or even the school nurse? Having somebody know is a great comfort and can take a huge amount of your mind, because they can talk it through with you. If you really don't think you can be pluck up the courage to tell somebody then write it down on a piece of paper. I know it sounds absurd but it's actually a recommended (and proven) way of taking a bit of pressure off your mind (although it would be a good idea to rip up the paper afterwards so nobody can read what you have written if you don't want them too).
When you are young and developing, you have a natural urge to look at porn, just to see what your body should look like, so don't go panicking that this was a well out of order thing to do. I'm sure a lot of girls have done the same thing, but won't admit it.
There is little chance of you being found out. You don't say how long ago it was when it happened, but if it was a long time ago then I don't thnk you have anything to worry about. Although I understand it is only natural that you are worrying about it, at the end of the day, if you can't talk to anything about it, what can you do?
It's done now; it's happened and you can't rewind time to undo it. So, there's no point worrying about it now, it won't achieve anything but to make you more nervous. You'll just have to wait and see what happens. I also understand how rarely being in trouble makes it seem a whole lot worse, but if you do get in trouble, keep calm and you shouldn't be too heavily punished. If they do find you out, perhaps all they will do is prevent you from taking the school laptops home again.
As time goes on, there will be less and less chance of you being found out, so take each day as it comes and I'm sure it will be OK. Like I said, there's no point worrying, it won't change what is done now.
Best of luck babe,
XxXxX
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2007): I am sure that most of the other kids especially boys have done that same thing. What the school needs to do is block those kinds of websites from being accessed on the computers they are lending out. I wouldn't worry if you've deleted everything. Just don't do it again..
Your friends aren't your freinds that played that "joke" on you, so stop interacting with them. They are sick. They may just be jealous but what they did is inexcusable. I wouldn't advise getting revenge, but I might tell their parents because they need to be disciplined for what they did. It is not funny. Don't worry though, your boyfriend will be fine. I have those kinds of thoughts myslef, and it just gets harder as you have children & etc. but you know deep down that nothing is going to happen. It is natural to be concerned for the ones we love.
...............................
A
female
reader, tadala +, writes (25 July 2007):
 Problem Number One: Those aren't your friends! That isn't even remotely funny. The only revenge I would get is new friends!
Problem Number Two: If you've erased every bit of evidence from the laptop you should be fine. I highly doubt the school is going to go over every one with a fine tooth comb.
...............................
|
