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male
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*he_tigerman
writes: Hey everyone, i think getting this of my chest will help me and any advice will be greatful. OK, very soon my gf is going to dump me because she states i don't care, love her, etc. I love her so much, i have just been 2 her house 2 say sorry but she is angry so i left it 4 now. we argue alot but over quite alot of silly things. 4 example, i said i would by her a t-shirt with her fave character on although they are small t'shirts cos they are kids so i said get the xl size cos it's long but she never stops mentioning that i called her fat and is not joking. she is trim and slim and is very attractive. she says am not affectionate enough, i try so much 2 be but i have been nervous when ppl i don't know r around n that bothers her. also 2day she had an exam but i said i wouldn't txt her in the mornin and i never txt her in the afternoon cos i am working all day n i didn't want 2 interrupt her incase i txt her in the exam, she says i don't care about her n things n it hurts. So many things we argue about, alot of the time i just don't think what i say or am not really 2 affectionate but i don't notice n i hate myself cos i can't be a better boyfriend. I love her so dearly and don't want 2 lose her. I struggle sometimes with not thinkin b4 i speak and affection plus many other things, it's the little things that count, but i am really bad at the little things! it depresses me so much! what can i do? any advice is so much appreciated! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, hope +, writes (13 January 2006):
wow, she needs a lot of validation, either she is extremely spoiled or has very low self esteem, either way it doesn't sound like you will ever be able to please her despite your efforts. Just the fact that you TRY and want to please her should be enough. Take your efforts and heart somewhere they will be appreciated. Good luck
A
female
reader, purrfectionist84 +, writes (13 January 2006):
 It seems that your girlfriend has unrealistic expectations of you. I get the impression that you are trying very hard, and she just doesn't appreciate your efforts.
She wants a t-shirt with a character theme that is geared toward kids, yet she gets offended when you suggest the XL size? Skinny as she may be, if she wants to wear a smaller size, then she's going to need to wear something designed for adults! Of course an adult who is trying to fit into a kid's sized shirt needs to wear a bigger size! She should be glad that she can fit into a kid's sized shirt at all!
Not everyone is comfortable with showing affection in public; in fact, some of us downright hate it! If you aren't into public displays of affection, then your girlfriend needs to accept and comes to terms with that. I don't see what the big deal is, as long as you are affectionate to her when you're not in public. My boyfriend and I rarely show affection in public, but that doesn't mean that we're not affectionate to each other when we have privacy. ;-)
She sounds a little clingy and needy. I get the impression that she wants you to constantly glorify her--keep telling her how beautiful she is (even if it means suggesting an unrealistic shirt size!), show her tons of affection in front of other people, etc. It might not be that your boyfriend skills are lacking as much as that she just requires a lot more "maintenance" and effort in general. This is making you feel inadequate.
Try talking to her about her needs and see if you can at least meet her halfway. Tell her that you DO care about her, and that you're hurt that she thinks you don't care just because you can't please her 100% of the time. She needs to accept that you're only human, and that there's only so much that you can do. In the meantime, don't beat yourself up over this.
Good luck.
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