A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im a 20 yr old girl, struggling to gain a relationship.I dont have issues with finding men, i go on dates and meet men, they just never want a relationship, just sex. and when i do give in to them eventually they still dont want a relationship.Im not an ugly or boring girl, i get loads of attention, its just when i start seeing someone and tell them i really like them and want it to go further, they run a mile.All i want is someone to love me, my friends always say that i should find someone nice-i do, they just dont want me. Help me please, is there some sort of thing i gotta do to get the guy to wanna be with me?Any tips at all, coz i think im doing something wrong. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): obviously I don't know you so some of the following may not apply.
question to bare in mind - Do you give out signals saying ' I want to have sex?' or do you give out signals saying 'i want a boyfriend that will respect and love me?'
Often men pick up very quickly on how much they can ask of a girl without having to commit. They spot the ones that are not giving it out a mile off, then there are the ones that will play a game but give it to them in the end and then there are the ones that are not really fussy as long as they get theirs.
I think that you may come in the middle category, you seem as though yes you want a relationship but while you are trying so hard to get them to stick around they are planning their next target.
Perhaps it could be down to the people that you socialise with or the places that you go on nights out? All of these things contribute to the picture that men build up in their minds. And why would they commit to someone when they can get away with using them and moving on.
You need to know what you want in a man. Stop trying so hard to find love and don't use sex to make them stay. Make them wait, you are beautiful and special and the ones worth bothering with wont mind the wait one bit.
Good Luck!
A
female
reader, 12121 +, writes (25 September 2007):
i gt a friend in this situation, she very pretty and get lots of attention but nobody semms to want a relationship with her and in the end she ends up giving them wot they want. but u are seriusly picking the wrong type of boy from when a boy lets u know they dnt want a relationship bt u do, run a mile bcus u will only end up getting hurt and getting a name for ur self, as the men u r picking have no respect for u. mayb u should cahnge the type of people you are normally attractive to go different places and meet new people and let them no u wnt b used and wot u r looking for in a guy gd luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): Women have got to stop thinking that having sex with a guy is a precursor to a deepening relationship. It's not. And females have to quit blaming themselves for a man's outrageously disrespectful behaviors. You have learned that the guys you are dating are experts at romancing and bedding a girl-which is no indicator of his love or caring. You are picking the wrong guys for you. And what is bothering me is you are saying...am I unlovable, what's wrong with me? Change that mindset right now, dear. It's not you. The only mistake you are making is you are forgetting to to treat dating as a selection process and make sure you and a potential bf both share the same values, interests and ethics. Be very, strong and resist the urge to have sex. Keep your self-respect and just don't do it. And most importantly, use your head...stop with the feelings and using no rationale. It's getting you into trouble and causing your confidence to take a big whack. If a guy won't say what he's hoping for, from relationships in the long term, then he's probably not interested in a future. Then you know-he's not worth wasting time on and this is your cue to bow out. Mature, smart adults make mature, smart choices you need to 'exclusively and only' open your heart, body and emotions to ultimate intimacy with the one you love and you are certain they love you. There are many wonderful, good men out there looking for a woman who will be friend, lover, and life-mate. Just make sure you don’t make a habit of choosing these emotionally, unavailable men...who just want sex. The good guys are out there...you just have to find himand believe me, if you think with your head and go slow...you will find him. Take Care
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): Not sure where you are meeting these guys, but they dont they sound like the nice guys your after :( The first think that you need to get clear is the sex thing, it kinda sounds like its the relationship buy in or your getting pressured into it, this is all wrong either way.
if the guy isnt prepared to wait till your ready to take that step,then his is a loser and only after the sex. There is a line between a guy showing his interested in having sex and a putting pressure on you for sex.
also don't take this the wrong way but you do seem desperate to get into a relationship (we all get lonely and want some to share our lives with), but it seems you always seem to attract the wrong sort of guy when your in this frame of mind(guys can be like buses, when you waiting for one all the wrong ones show up and when you not 3 you did want show up at once)
Firstly you need to be happier with the way your are at present and enjoy life with your friends, if a guy does show up then take things steady and go with the flow that your happy with, rushing things only scare the hell of us men :) enjoy the early days and take it a pace you and he are happy with.
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