A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:After a rocky few years with my health issues and some financial issues things have started to turn around for me and my husband for the better however it seems that some so called friends and even some family aren’t really happy for us and it’s ruining what should be a happy time. After over a year of me being unwell I kind of neglected myself- I stopped getting my hair and nails done, I didn’t treat myself to any new clothes or make up and I was just barely existing. But now my medication is working - I’m feeling better so I decided to pamper myself, I got a new hair cut and color, I get my nails done regularly, I treated myself to some new clothes and new make up as well as trying some holistic approaches such as reiki and massage- it may sound shallow but doing these things has given me a new lease of life!However I just keep getting various friends and family members telling me “self care” is a waste of time and I’m wasting my money and don’t need make up or fancy clothes! It’s like they preferred me looking terrible!!To top it off too I got a promotion at work and my husband got a pay rise and a very generous bonus plus we got an inheritance - we had a financially difficult couple of years so this was a welcome boost! We decided to buy ourselves a new car - let’s say it’s a very prestigious and expensive vehicle (we used to drive a very old car for 14 years)!When people found out about it (we DID NOT post anything on social media or tell anyone - people saw the car when we were driving around as we live in a small town whereby everyone knows everyone) they made negative comments about it - branding us “show offs” which we are definitely not!!! We are just a couple of people who have had a tough couple of years and now want to enjoy our lives- what’s the harm in that?! We are also looking to move to a bigger house - but I’m dreading people finding out as they will start again with more negativity! I’m guessing people are just jealous which is so stupid!! I know we just need to ignore the haters but it’s so hard especially when it’s family and friends being the culprits! We are good people, we work hard, we are always there for everyone so we don’t deserve this nonsense! Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2024): Well maybe they are jealous or maybe they fear losing you to some more affluent crowd. Maybe they do think you're fine without having to dress up etc. But if you explain to them how it's giving you a lift after all the health problems maybe they'll understand. Try to get to the bottom of things and ask them why they can't be happy for you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 March 2024):
 Are these "people" someone you care about? Do you care about their opinions?
If not, ignore it.
If you do care about them, ASK them straight up, why do you say that to me, after knowing how hard the last few years has been for us? Can you not be HAPPY for us?
They are going to feel real stupid if you speak up but in a kinder manner then they used.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2024): Get rid of the people, friends AND family, who are putting you down.
I'm 47 years old and have only fairly recently (compared to the decades of suffering) started getting rid of people who were using me and my husband and not wishing us well.
The pandemic was a big eye opener and a point of no return. Even before I KNEW which people were doing me wrong but I did NOTHING about it. When COVID hit those same people couldn't hide their true colors anymore. Their selfishness, lies, manipulations... were more obvious than ever.
I won't go into details, because this is about you, but in my experience people like that tend to put you in a certain box. And they use you for all sorts of reasons (in my case practical ones as well!) including always comparing themselves to you to make themselves feel better! The moment something nice happens to you they feel bad. And they NEVER really help you, just pretend that they do.
The problem is that they're not just doing that in their heads - they need to do and say hurtful things.
And YES, those people you mentioned will go crazy when they hear about the move. I'm speaking from experience.
My sister, who's no longer a part of my life, went crazy when my hubby and I bought a property outside the city. At the time it was very cheap, a small house and some land in the middle of a forest. She went around telling people how horrible it was, but never the less kept imposing herself whenever she had no place to go for the holidays, etc. AND stealing and destroying some stuff, driving us crazy. She didn't want a house like that or anything we liked, she just never wanted me to have anything. Anyway, the pandemic hit and all of a sudden, not only did the property value went sky high, we were in confinement there and worked from home. She was green with envy even accusing us for enjoying ourselves, while the world was suffering. We had covid. We got vaccinated the moment it became available for our age group. She did not. She continued to profit from others "poisoning their bodies" (her own words) to protect her.
People like that will always be jealous of you, not because you are rich or have a great life - it is not your fault, but because they have put you in a box and you dared to step out of it. They will be uncomfortable even when you make small steps in life, let alone strides.
It's not easy, but you need to protect yourself AND your husband! And if he has some people like that in his life he should also protect you. These people are dangerous. Not because they "spread negativity", but they can hurt you in a very practical ways. My sister has cost me some career opportunities when we were younger. She alienated some of the people I knew and liked because they were closer to her and trusted her and she manipulated them.
So, there are some hard decisions in front of you. Make sure that you make the right ones.
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