A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I think my relationship could be coming to an end because of his parents!theyve made it crystal clear that they hate me, yet his ex, who treated him appallingly, they love and still have her round for dinner from time to time! His ex cheated on him serveral times, even had an abortion because she admits she was unsure who the baby's father was, she caused him to lose two jobs and was a generally nasty girl, even causing problems for us when we first got together. We've now been together 4 years and for the first 6 months his parents seemed to love me but then for no reason at all they've totally changed. I'm not welcome in their house and I've seen texts from his mother on my bfs phone saying she wishes he could find someone else. I've done everything I can to be a good girlfriend to their son, and me and my bf have a great relationship so I really don't know why they're like this. My bf has tried speaking to them about it but his mothers told him it's not up for discussion. I'm really upset about it and it's starting to cause problems for me and my bf as he's close to his family, spends a lot of time there, often his ex is there too yet I'm not allowed through the door.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2015): Ok. At least your boyfriend has tried to speak to them. That is something. However, I speak from bitter experience, you need to make an ultimatum. They accept you right now or you move on. Your boyfriend needs to learn a sad lesson and have the argument with his parents - away from the relationship. Someone has poisoned their thinking and I don't think we have to wonder too much who that is (his ex). Rlationships cannot blossom and grow into more (marriage, children) with these circumstances. If they carry on they will always blight your lives. I was in your shoes and married the man - his parents never ever liked me and in the end were a significant factor in our divorce. What I am saying is - these things rarely get better just worse. Think carefully about what you want your future to be like.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2015): His parents are really f***** up. That's the problem. Their relationship with their son is not healthy. At you two's age, parents should not be that meddlesome. Your boyfriend is an adult now. His mother has ZERO right to be trying to dictate who he dates and how he chooses to live his personal life. Her main and only concern should be to make sure he is working and going to school and that he is on the right path to self sufficiency and independence. And ideally, financial security and success. Your boyfriend is way too old to have mommy telling him what to do in personal choices he makes that are absolutely none of her business.
Based on her reactions, you'd think he was dating a junkie or a criminal! Or that he is a mentally challenged 5 year old. But you are just a normal young girl with problems like everybody else who is just trying to do your best. And he is an adult who doesn't need his mommy telling him what to do. She has no good reason for hating you.
They're using the ex girlfriend and all the other heinous behaviors to stir the pot. So that you will get fed up and walk away from him. Since he won't obey mommy dearest and break up with you. Why does mommy dearest care so much? In all bluntness, she has got a screw loose in her head. That's all there is to it.
I hate to tell you this because I can see you would really like to solve this, but I don't think things are going to get better. I've seen families with this kind of dynamic, where mommy treats the adult son like he is mentally challenged and she needs to step in and make every decision for him. And if he disobeys her, she will stop at nothing to get the point across that SHE makes his decisions. e.g. That's why the ex girlfriend is suddenly a close family friend. And men who grow up with this kind of mother usually are so manipulated and have the mentality so ingrained in them that they never break the cycle.
I know you love him but shouldn't put up with this. It's going to hurt your mental state and your self esteem. But in the meantime, in dealing with the screw loose, just remember one thing: it takes twice as much energy to swing and miss than to swing and hit. Don't forget that. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2015): Erm...isn't it probably the case that if (for absolutely bizarre reasons of their own) they love his horrible ex girlfriend and sill have her over for dinner sometimes AND they loved you at first and then suddenly turned against you, then SHE is probably badmouthing you in highly manipulative ways?His parents sound very stupid people and very fickle. If they can't even take the time to find out properly about this ex partner or to explain why they won't discuss with you or your boyfriend why they've taken a dislike to you then they simply cannot be reasoned with - in which case, unless your boyfriend does something very soon to force them to see reason and discuss what's wrong, they will always cause you problems and you are ultimately better off out of the whole situation.My bet's on the ex bad mouthing you to the Mum, in a really devious way that the Mum has fallen for.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 February 2015):
 Your boyfriend could try writing them a letter, and sending it certified mail. He could outline the abortion and the fact his ex had been cheating on him because she didn't know who the father was, he could outline how she caused him to lose two jobs and he could outline how hurtful it is that they welcome his ex girlfriend into their home but not you.
He needs to let them know that if he is going to give them any grandchildren their mother will be you, and if they want to be part of those grandchildren's lives, then they need to change their attitude.
Four years of this bullsh*t is enough, its time for some action.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2015):
I think you need to sit down and have a clear and concise talk with your bf of 4 years . I mean where are they getting information about you ?? The only source I can see is your bf . Have you had many fights ? If so I think your bf has vented to his parents and therefore they have this negative view of you .
Do you both live together ?
I need a little more info to maybe help you with a solution .
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