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female
,
anonymous
writes: I am a 29 year old woman who has been in a relationship with another woman for 8 years. She is ten years older than me. Our relationship is great except for the lack of sex. At first we were at it all the time, but gradually over the years it became less and less frequent. Last year and the year before it was only one time the whole year. This year was actually twice so far. She says she loves me and she's still attracted to me, she just never thinks about sex. She's never in the mood, and she never initiates things...the only time we do have sex is if I ask for it repeatedly for a few days then she finally gives in, but won't let me touch her. She doesn't seem to want to talk about it with me or her doctor or anyone, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I miss her!
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reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (28 August 2005):
Let me say this is very painful to deal with, in body and in mind. Sure there's pills that could fire her back up, but you've said she refuses to go to a doctor so that's out. You've tried talking and even begging so that's out, too. I've read stories of people living romantic lives of chastity and being in bliss, but you and I aren't wired like that.
Treatment aside, all I can say is tell her exactly how much you are hurting and lonely inside and what she thinks you should do. Share your pain. She might come around, or get angry, or even end things but if this is a need you have, don't let things go on as they are. You need action!
"All that you need is in your soul" Lynyrd Skynyrd
A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (28 August 2005):
 I had this conversation with my mom some time ago and what she told me was enlightening. All women have their peaks and their valleys. All of them are different. You may be in your peak now but she is waning some in her valley. Or maybe she has a problem medically that she is too ashamed to talk about...such as early menopause. It is just a thought doesn't have to be that. If she is not willing to talk to you or her doctor ..to me that indicates it is something deep. I know you miss her...but sit her down seriously and tell her it is affecting you and your relationship with her. Makes no sense you being clueless and unhappy at the same time...find out what is happening.
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