A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So basically, When me and my partner first started dating, oh my god, I was head over heels. I couldn't get enough of him and would happily initiate sex whenever I could. At the beginning though he always used to turn it down and i thought it was just a confidence thing because he got over it quick and we were fine. I have always liked sex. Especially with him.But, as the relationships gone on its different now. Like, I've had a baby so I've lost all my confidence and it seems to me that he's not interested in having sex with me because "he can't get enough of me" but because its more fun than using his hand. And the more I think about it the more apparent it is to me that its always been that way. Hes never once swept me off my feet in a "I have to have you now" kind of way. Its always just for his own benefit..., he wakes me up in the morning before he goes to work for a quickie (I get fa out of it) and he has no regard for the fact ive been up all night with baby. Or sometimes it really hurts so I tell him, thinking he wont wake me up the next day but he still does. And then he starts huffing when I say no!? Hes not even affectionate about it. He just prods at me till I wake up. Maybe I expect too much but I thought kissing was part of sex!? But I just have no drive for it anymore. Im terrified of getting pregnant again. I dont feel in the slightest bit sexy and he annoys me during the day so then I don't feel like it later. I tried talking to him but he either blanks me, walks out or last night he just fell asleep which was rude. He never talks to me, he has no drive to be a mature adult and then he gets funny when I have to take control of situations because he won't!? He wont even decide if we're going to go out on a saturday. He just say "if you like".and hes fairly selfish in some ways...he always complains because he works full time and pays majority of the bills, whereas I only work part time so pay smaller amount (Babys only 9 months btw). so apparently I do fa for the household and im useless (his words) But what it actually comes down to is that he wants to keep all his money and go and waste it on his car, food, fags and scratch cards. I cant go out because he 'doesnt want the responsibilty of looking after baby' The other day I said to him not to worry anymore and that I would move out and support me and baby and live in a council house and off benefits, and his only reply was "I didnt think you wanted to live in a council house". So I said no I don't but ill do anything I have to to keep a roof over my boys head and he just shrugged. I thought hed atleast fight for meI just feel like were either arguing or im treating him like I'm his mother, and that im slowly watching him turn into his dad. :( sorry for the rant, I just have noone to speak to about these things and I don't know what to do, theres just no romance or any sort of affection anymore unless he gets something out of it he even forgot my birthday :( ...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2015): Hi, this is my post and I just wanted to quickky add that:The council housing bit is a bit out of context...We'd been speaking about it beforehand that was the only reason id said it to him. If it actually came down to it id just go full time at work and support myself. Also, when refering to baby I find i often refer to him as my boy because I do everything. Well, dont get me wrong, my partner plays with him and has a laugh and he loves him to bits, but any major stuff (nappy, bedtime, food) comes down to me and any big desicions are all up to me too. Literally from the moment he was born it was me and baby and my partner tagged on the side when he felt like it. Even when he was born we were kept in the hospital for 5 days and everyday he said hed be there 8am because he knew I hated it in there but he wouldn't turn up until 2pm earliest and only because id phone him. He was going to his mates till the early hours of the morning and then couldnt get up the next day.I suppose I shouldve known what I was in for then.Sometimes I feel so lonely
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (14 April 2015):
 Sounds like he has checked out of the relationship as it stands. And a BIT immature on top.
However, my FIRST advice goes to you. BIRTH-CONTROL get on them and USE condoms too. YOU DO NOT need another child by this guy right now.
Second of all, FIND a time (on the week-end while the little one naps) to SIT him down and TELL him what YOU need from him. And ASK him what he needs from you.
Tell him POKING ME with your penis while I'm still asleep is NOT foreplay and from NOW on I will not INDULGE in sex with you, unless you can AT LEAST put a little work into warming me up. (if you are NOT a sex in the morning kind of person TELL him). I had a BF who though foreplay was showing me his erect penis (seriously) for whatever reason he thought I would INSTANTLY be turned on... didn't matter that I was in the middle of cooking a meal, had bad cramps or was ACTUALLY sleeping. I had to have a LONG conversation about this. Because it turned into me NOT wanting sex AT all. I felt like a freaking blow up doll more than a partner. And no woman finds THAT notion sexy.
I think the fact that YOU feel less "sexy" after the baby has made HIM think you are no longer really interested in him physically, that you are JUST with him for the money and because he is the baby's daddy. It's ALWAYS good to MAKE sure your partner knows that YOU have NOT yet READJUSTED to your new body, that it doesn't MEAN that you are less attracted. (if that is the case).
HE made this child, HE SHOULD be able to watch it so you can go out. What a load of BULLCRAP! The little tyke should be heading to bed around 7-8 pm and not need anything (then a check in ) till 5-6 am. So YOU should be able to go out for a few hours too.
He is RESENTING that you are home most of the day and that HIS money goes to pay for bills. WHICH again is RIDICULOUS, what did he think would happen after he knocked you up and the baby arrived? He is NOT single and carefree - HE is a dad with a GF. He has responsibilities, financially and emotionally. (just like YOU do).
Threatening to move into counsel homes is not a bright idea UNLESS you actually PLAN to do it. You were using it to "make him fight for you" - right now... he is more concerned with himself than you and the baby.
What is holding you back to find a full time job and day care for your child? Instead of thinking that you can JUST live on benefits? I mean IS that what you want to teach YOUR son?
If your BF won't listen, WRITE things down - let him read it and see if he can handle a grown up discussion to see where you two stand and where you are going. One thing tough, YOU CAN NOT fix this by yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2015): Ok, this question is not about sex at all.
It's about love and neglect. He is neglecting/ignoring you.
The only weird thing to me in your post is that you always say "baby" and only in one part "MY boy". Is that his too? Shouldn't be "ours" then?
Even by your language, it looks like you've checked yourself out of the relationship (not that I blame you for it). I'd just say really go ahead and do it,and no you're not a sex-dispenser,so saying no is normal when not in the mood etc.
Ps: look for a financially stable position if you can find one.Part-time admin?
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