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female
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*oth Mo
writes: I'm 15 and I'm in love with my ex-music teacher! He's 25 and has a fiancee (she hates me)! I recently moved schools but we were really close! We'd talk for hours about his life and mine, our views on politics, which kinds of music we like, what our ambitions are/were, etc. I have his email, mobile and home number. I can't go a day without thinking of him! When we saw each other again we talked like we'd never been apart! I've felt like this for almost two years! He's the guy that I dreamt about (literally) Down to every last detail for years before we met! He cried when I told him I was leaving and apparently never smiles anymore! Should I tell him about my feelings or not? I love him! What should I do?
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female
reader, Goth Mo +, writes (5 August 2005):
Hi guys, thanks for your advice!!! I guess I really knew that but in a funny kind of way you don't realise until you get told by someone else. I know I'll never stop loving him but well maybe if I just don't see him anymore I will learn to put him out of my mind! I've gotten him in trouble with his fiance, teachers, etc because of how much time we spend together and all the kids give us both a hard time, saying, "stop flirting both of you, it's really annoying!" etc!!! Maybe it will be better for all of us if I just fade away and leave him to move on with his life! He's really helped me and I'll never forget him, but well maybe I'll invite him to my wedding when I'm older and name one of my children after him! Thank you! Well my dad is inviting him and his fiance over for dinner :( but maybe it'll make me see clearly. The only thing is that he's been told by teachers that he flirts with me and he said it's hard not to! I've seen him and his fiance together and they don't seem in love and just the other day he said to me, "don't get married"!!! He's a great guy though and he came 2hrs and a half to see me perform one song so I just hope that she makes him the happiest man in the world and I'll be there however I can for him if she does or doesn't as a friend!!! But well I need some advice on how to get over him!!! Something and I thought maybe discussing it with him would help me stop!!! But what do you think?
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (4 August 2005):
 Irish is 100% correct. It's not just the age difference, it's also the fact that he's already engaged, the fact that you're a minor in the eyes of the law and the taboo aspects of the teacher-student relationship. This is just not ever going to happen.
Enjoy what you have with him, the friendship and the similar outlook, then take those important elements to a relationship with someone who's available. You now know what you want in a boyfriend: someone you can talk with about Life and your ambitions, politics and everything. That's great, so look for someone single and approximately your age who can give you those things.
As you go through your dating life in the next 10-15 years, there are certain big mistakes you can avoid. Amongst the biggest mistake is trying to date men who are engaged.
You'll just have to accept that this guy isn't available and learn from the experience. Telling him how you feel (I'm sure it's obvious to him and no doubt he's flattered in an uncomfortable kind of way) is only going to make things uneasy for all three of you. Sorry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2005): Sweety, he's way too old for you and he's engaged to a woman he loves. You must accept that. I am not going to tell you that your fantasizing about him is wrong. I will say, however, that you must accept the fact that the relationship you may dream about with him can exist only in your fantasies. Sometimes we develop crushes and fantasize about people we know we can never have a real-life relationship with.
A 25-year-old teacher does not look for girlfriends among their former students, unless he's a real creep. This teacher is already in a committed relationship in which he is very happy. The reality is, teachers are forbidden by the school and by the law to engage in anything beyond a friendly teacher/student relationship. It's probably hard for you to think he likes you only in this limited non-romantic way but you will have to learn to accept the boundaries that must exist between students and teachers.
I am not telling you that your fantasizing about him is wrong. I am suggesting, however, that you accept the fact that the relationship you may dream about with him can exist only in your fantasies. Sometimes we develop crushes and fantasize about people we know we can never have a real-life relationship with - it's safer than going after a real-life relationship and being rejected.
I know that your feelings are real and intense. I hope that my advice has helped you understand how to put them in perspective. Take Care, Irish
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