A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi this is quite complicated so if any of you can help that would be great, i wopuld like some different opions on this please+ sorry if its really long. Ok well im 15 and theres this girl that has just moved to the area and my school. I met her when i had to take a note to another class and our head of year found her wondering round the school as she'd asked some people where a certain room was and the purposely sent her the wrong way and because we happened to be in the same class i was asked to take her back. She has now been at our school for 4 weeks and really seems to be finding it hard to make friends. I know she sits on her own in some lessons,sometimes with me and these other two people(ones a lad and the others a girl who are both my best friends) and others we're in a seating plan. But one thing that i really don't like is seeing her on her own at dinner and when she walks home on her own. i have asked her to stay with us at dinner but she says she fine and doesn't want to bother us and sometimes i have managed to catch up with her to walk home with her but only the ocassions i have i've noticed she really isn't happy. I went round to hers yesterday to take a dvd back of her that i'd borrowed but she had nipped out with her mum but her brother was in and said i could wait for her. I got talking to him and he seems a nice lad although i know he likes to wind her up alot. He said that although theres days when all he wants to do is annoy her and wind her up he realy feels sory for her as all through out her school life since her best friend left about 2 years ago she hasn't been able to make new friends and has tryed so many times that she can't seem to trust anyone now as people have pretended to be her friend so many times and then left her and humiliated her and i'm starting to understand now why she said she doesn't want to bother us or get in our way. Thing is i'm not your typical lad that all he thinks about is drink,fags,girls,sex and trouble etc infact i'm virtually the opposite and i really like her i may like her abit more than a friend actually but i would never tell her that until i knew her properly and gave it time to make sure its wasnt just a crush as i wouldn't want to hurt her. I realy want her to become one of us we are practically have the same personality except im a lad and the other two have said they really like her but its obvious shes lonely. I just want to show her she can trust us and we want her there and we will never just ditch her. I'm not even gonna tell her how i feel about her cuz that will scare her off and as i said i want to wait to make sure but something just clicks. How can i get her to trust us shes a really nice girl and it shows when she walks past us and smiles that she really wants to join in but she has such a low self asteam i really don't know what to do.It actually makes me sad to see her this way and i know that sounds weird but i've never felt like this before. She isn't really different in anyway she just thinks she is because of the past. Can any of you help please.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (19 June 2007):
 Wow, where were you when I was 15?! You are one of a kind, she may not know it yet but she is about to be one lucky girl! And just as Flowergirl said, gaining her trust may take some time but it'll happen as long as you keep showing her your sincerity. Good luck Buddy!
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (19 June 2007):
 Well you certainly sound like a lovely lad, if she has been let down before by other people it is going to be hard for her to trust again so the only thing you can do is keep trying, like for instance instead of asking her to sit with you at lunch you and your friends just head over and sit with her, don't give her a choice because if you do she will think you are not really all that bothered and she will keep on saying no.
I should not think it will take her long to realise that you and your friends are genuine and then once she feels comfortable round all of you then you could try and approach her about dating.
Take care.xx.
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