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female
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anonymous
writes: I am confused as to what real love is and maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself and my bf to feel it or have it between us...maybe I'm expecting too much...I told my bf I loved him on Easter and since then I've been second guessing as to whether it has been a good idea or not, although I do care for him, but sometimes I get so frustrated by him or he disappoints me sometimes and sometimes I feel like I don't love him if he does something that I feel is insulting...this might be a trite example, but I feel like the guy should pay for the girl when it comes to going out to eat and sometimes he does and sometimes doesn't and I pay my own way, but that amkes me feel crummy like that's the least he could do--my opinion is that you ahve a boyfriend to pay for you as a sign of respect and if he isn't going to pay then it shows he can't afford me now and if he can't do small things like that, then he can't afford me in the future---if I'm getting upset by this, does it prove that I said i love you prematurely and I'm still not ready to feel this way towards another person? am I upset over aomething that I shouldn't amke a big deal about? if someone could help; it'd be greatly appreciated--thanks
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (14 May 2006):
 Paying is one of those things that each individual has different views on - I have had gfs who absolutley wont let me pay anything other than half and others who dont mind. Personally I would say halves is the ideal - after all a partnership is about *sharing* not one person contributing everything but you have to go with what is good for you. Another way to do it is take it in turns to pay.
To be honest I think the answer is yes, you are making mountains out of molehills a little. I dont think it proves anything the fact that he cant pay all the time. I would rather judge him on other things, what he says, is he attentive to your feelings etc etc. I do think you need to talk to him about the paying thing if it is making you feel bad but dont read too much into it if he asks sometimes for you to share the payment or something like that.
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