A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel so confused. I don't know what to do.There are 2 guys in my life right now.The first one is actually my ex-boyfriend. My feelings for him are completely confused. I ended things with him because I didn't feel I loved him anymore. We still talk, he wants to be with me and get me out of this depression. He is a sweet man, and would do anything for me. I don't want to take advantage of him but I have come to rely on him emotionally. We were having arguments before we broke up because he was too clingy and didnt like me talking to any other guys. He also is living farther away right now.The second guy is my former co-worker. I feel things with him went too far too fast. I feel like he can be a insensitive in the way he handles things with me.I haven't told him a whole lot about myself and my problems, and he says i treat him badly because I never tell him anything. I have a hard time even telling my family things and he doesn't understand why I cant and where I expect things to go if I dont.He says I treat him and my ex and other male friends in a reversed way, and that I should be telling him things and spending time with him and not them.I find this very hard to do because I don't really trust him. He says he wants me to trust him. My reasoning for not trusting him is because he liked another girl at work when he started doing stuff with me, and was with yet another girl at work before this, she thought they were dating by it and he said no. It just seemed to me like he uses girls. I don't want to be one of them. I knew I was at first. But as we got to know eachother he has done some sweet things for me and always wants to spend time with me. However when I don't he spends time with other girls. This confuses and bothers me further though I know it shouldn't and they could very well just be friends, but I have a hard time trusting that based on his "friendship" with me. He has taken me to his parents house and his family members thought I was his girlfriend to which he corrected them. I guess I really want to know what I mean to him. I know to do so I have to open up more because although we spend a lot of time together he still barely knows anything about me. I guess I am afraid he will not accept me for everything in my past.As for my ex, he wants to be with me despite my feelings for this other guy. He wants to move back here and seriously try with me. I want him to be here but i told him I can't guarantee him anything. I dont know if I want him here as a friend or as more. But I told him he deserves to be with someone who knows she wants to be with him. It's so hard for me to let go of both of them. I especially don't want to hurt my ex anymore, despite everything he is still my closest friend.I guess I am just asking for advice, has anyone been in a similar situation? I dont know what to do.
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (23 January 2009):
 Hi there, the first thing you need to do, is deal with the depression, Your health is most important. I have heard from a doctor, that Omega-3 oil is very good for depression sympthoms, you may want to research it and see if it might help you, I certainly hope so. Now then, the men, I think you said you were relying on your ex boyfriend emotionally. I don't think I would have him move in, because it seems there are other things you need to work on before you live together. You don't seem to be totally sure that he is what you want in a man. So my thought, live apart. If you work out the problems then rethink the living situation. The second guy is a player, he likes a great variety, like a lot of men. How will you trust this man? Every time he would be out of your sight you would be wondering. So basically I don't see why you would want either of these men at the moment, that would be where my feelings would be. Breathe and try to get over this depressive state, without either of them close to you.
Seek professional help if you need it. Do not feel that these two men are your only source of happiness, there could be a completely different, better person for you, if you just let time take you there. The choice does not have to be either of these two people, certainly not the lover of many women guy. :o) So let's take some time with this, begin to love yourself more, and not be concerned with pleasing others, build up your self-confidence and be very good to yourself. This is your life, and you must try to make the best choices for yourself. Take care, stay in touch, you will survive this entire thing.
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