A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend has been stressing lately about paying for college because she doesn't have enough to pay what the college is asking for. I try to make her feel better about it and I love her so I usually can calm her down. Today she was crying and brought up a new issue. My father when we moved to America came from nothing and worked hard to become the CTO of a large business. I am eternally greatful and appreciative of the fact that my family has enough to put me through college with no student loans. She said that she can't talk to me about her money problem anymore because I "won't understand". I told her I love her and want to be there for her but she said she couldn't be around me and asked me to leave. She said she is jealous of me and the fact that I don't have to stress about money. She doesn't say any of this in a mean way she is a beautiful smart kind girl. I love this girl and just want to make her feel better but I feel like there's nothing I can say and this is tearing us apart. What should I do?
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male
reader, DV1 +, writes (2 November 2012):
 Has she looked into FAFSA, Pell Grants, scholarships, ect? If she doesn't have a huge income, sounds like she has more options than she realizes. Depending on how serious your relationship is, maybe you could step up and help her cover some of those costs. Tell her that your parents offered to help and you took it, and that you couldn't see the value in turning down their help. If she doesn't want to talk about it though, don't push the subject. The best thing you can do is let her come to you about it, and should it come up again, just say you're trying to understand... and give her your shoulder... let her know you're her rock...
A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (2 November 2012):
Has she looked into FAFSA, Pell Grants, scholarships, ect? If she doesn't have a huge income, sounds like she has more options than she realizes. Depending on how serious your relationship is, maybe you could step up and help her cover some of those costs. Tell her that your parents offered to help and you took it, and that you couldn't see the value in turning down their help. If she doesn't want to talk about it though, don't push the subject. The best thing you can do is let her come to you about it, and should it come up again, just say you're trying to understand... and give her your shoulder... let her know you're her rock...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): This is pretty normal in terms of what's causing the feelings. She is jealous (like she said) of the fact that you don't have the same issues she's having, and so when she sees you being set for schooling she resents you for it (I'm sure she still loves you). She's just misdirecting her anger (as I'm sure you've felt), but she'll eventually calm down and understand. Just be there for her when she needs you, and away from her when she doesn't want you. Knowing the difference in those times is key, and thus you've gotta listen to her. Communicate.
Example: If she says she wants you to go, sure, sometimes a girl will say that and actually want you to stay, and in your case, you should try to stay, but if she continues to insist, tell her something like, "Hey. I don't want to go. I don't want to leave you like this, but I'll respect your space if that's what you need right now." Then ask her if she really wants you to go away. If she says no, then be there and listen to her (not talk too much). Some things can't be fixed, and she knows that. So "talking" to her isn't helpful. She needs to vent and get her feelings out, so let her. If she says yes, then say okay, but that you're just a phone call away, and that you'll talk to her later. Be sure to send her a text message or something a few hours from then, so she knows you're thinking of her.
Good luck.
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