A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There are two girls in my life.The first, she and I met a while ago, through friends, kept in touch through emails and MSN and the likes, always talked of meeting up, just the two of us, but it never really happened.She met some guy, and out of the blue started dating him, which she wouldn't see to be any problem to me, as I think she sees me as more of a friend, where as I could see us as a great couple. (Any hints of my feelings have seemed to make her closed off and we talk a little less). After she met this guy, I didn't hear for her in about a month.A week ago or so, she turns back up into my life, and we're talking like friends again.The other girl, messaged me through a website I am a member of, again, friend of a friend. We get to chatting and hit it off alright. All of a sudden, she drops countless bombshells of things that have happened in her life - really deeply personal and emotional things.I talk to her about them, and offer all the help and care I can, but the whole over emotion thing scared me off a lot. I dated a girl with some issues in her life a few years ago, and it wasn't pretty.Now this girl tells me she likes me, but I don't like her that way, more than just friends.Girl A is my ideal girl, but part of me feels I'm chasing something I'll never have (and that that's one of the reasons I feel myself doing it - wanting what I can't have)Girl B is a great person, and I can be a great friend to her, but I know that myself I am not strong enough to support her and her emotional baggage, and would hate to make anything worse for her. But she wants me.I have NO idea what to do. All and any help is appreciated. Apologies for length and rambling. 'Tis 6am. I've not slept yet.Sashman
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female
reader, anon642 +, writes (5 October 2008):
 Okay, honestly..if you feel in the exact way as you have wrote..you need to forget about hurting girl B's feelings because as you have said...''I can be a great friend to her, but I know that myself I am not strong enough to support her and her emotional baggage''
That pretty much sums up why it would be a complete and utter disaster if you were to get in a relationship with this girl.
You're going to have to break it to her at some point that you don't want a relationship with her. Maybe just say not at this time or something, and that you value the great friendship you have.
Girl A, on the other hand, if she is willing to date someone else and not talk to you much during this time, she cant be worth all that. I know that sounds harsh and not what you want to hear, but you shouldnt treat a friend like that, let alone anybody else.
If she is not going to make much effort with you when she finds someone to date, then i wouldnt bother making much effort with her at all.
If shes willing to talk, have the courtesy to talk back, if she's prepared to blank you for however long, leave it at that, don't feel bad.
Sorry to be blunt but if you feel your never going to have girl A, why chase her? And if you know you don't want a relationship with girl B, tell her.
Find someone who you like and appreciates and respects you in the same way as which you deserve :)
All the best.
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