A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This is an update on a previous post on 20th March: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/affair-update---what-do-i-do.htmlOnce again Tuatara thanks for the great advice. I have been keeping an eye on things the past few weeks. My husband and i are now getting on and although i am still concerned about this work colleague i am trying not to let it get to me too much for the sake of the kids as well as my sanity. I have talked to my husband about Prague,he mentioned about an irish pub he was in and i asked who was with him, he named a couple of male work colleagues. I said i knew SHE was there too and he asked how? He is adamant he never saw her that night but then said he met her for breakfast the next morning in the hotel. I saw that text he sent her telling her what pub he was in so he is lying about that (he does not know that his sent texts are saved)and i have not let on how i know this. I let the matter drop as i wasn't getting anywhere. The thing that worries me is there is no hotel receipt for that night (he always keeps them as they are his expenses) also his company bank statement comes in and that is not to be found) these 2 items he needs for his accountant at some point. He keeps all his paperwork together as he needs it when doing his accounts. I am puzzled as to where these are? when i spoke to him that night it came out that he has told HER that i saw that full on "Happy Birthday" text she sent him, (he said it but then looked as though he did not mean that to come out). Apparently she said sorry to him, did not mean to get him into trouble. He deletes her texts, i know he speaks to her regularly and sees her on occasion and i accept that has to happen because of work. He is back to being loving but i just feel uneasy although to a certain extent i am covering up how i really feel and trying to act normal. In a recent e-mail she sent him she put ....you know me and then carried on with her message saying she would call him first thing, (this was sent late one evening). There are times i just feel like going out and doing something behind his back and keeping my own secrets, if he can do it, why not me? [Moderator's note: Please write further updates to your situation here, in the initial question's page, else the succession of events is difficult to follow.]
View related questions:
his ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): I am the poster of this question. Thanks for your advice,
yes i do admit to wanting my own secrets and after putting up with lies and deceit off my husband for the past few years i think i have reason to feel this way.
I asked him last night where this recent hotel receipt is and he does not know, then kept trying to change the subject. If something is going on with this tart then i will divorce him it is as simple as that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. I will recommend that instead of watching his steps to discover what he conceals, concentrate on what he SHOWS to you differently, as this may be your answer. Do you feel as though he has a paramour, by his behaviours towards you? Is he less affectionate perhaps or other factors aliment your need to put him under suspicion, except for the texts/mails that you talk of in your other posts, that are no solid evidence? You seem to be suspicious of a simple "you know me" attributing concealed meaning to this phrase. If this phrase is your best proof when you have been spending every month since December in inquietude, then perhaps it is equally reasonable to grant him the benefit of unproved assumption?Also, to repay him with secrecy in response to the surmised affair as suggested in your title will lead you no place calm.Yes, it's true that certain men having affairs are masters of disguise (an 'optimised' dual life), and certain wives although conscious of the secrecy, choose to ignore it because they continue to receive unchanged affection at home and in the aggregate the marriage provides them with the desired stability, usually in different ways than sentimentally. While some spouses choose to indulge in this tacit agreement, this for others is clearly unacceptable, as we understand is your case. If your suspicions ARE founded you will know eventually, however by rushed action you risk reaching to inaccurate conclusions!He might as well have felt your distrust, thus tried to mask even fair steps, that he deemed as interpretable. If this is the case, the suspiciousness may push him away farther from your expectations, if you decide to talk to him for reassurement put it in a non-agressive way and hope for the best!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): tell him that it really annoys youand 2 wrongs don't make a right it will just ruin the rest of the good relationship that you do have.if he loves you he will change
...............................
|
