A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I will ask in advance that you please don't judge my relationship because of it's settings, it is a real relationship. I met him online! We have been in an exclusive relationship now for a year and we have visited each other 3 times during this year, so it is like a long distance relationship. Sorry that this letter is long, I find it hard to explain it in short.Him and my friends get along well and I am not a jealous person, but this thing that happened makes me so hurt. I just want to know others opinion on the situation and how others would have reacted. It all started at the very onset of our relationship. I had a female friend who I also met online, in fact the only other friend I had online, so don't mistake me, I do have real life friends (and with my real life friends Ive never experienced this problem!). I introduced her to my boyfriend at first, because since she was online, and him and I were only online in the beginning too, so it was convenient. They met and went along great, all three of us had a good time. Problem is, she used to almost always be around when me and him were on, and what ended up happening was she would start talking to both me and my boyfriend, but in separate windows. It felt like sneaking around to me and I very early on said I didn't like this. For example she and him one time sat down and talked about traveling, she started to plan how me and my boyfriend could meet up in real life, and she and him started to look around and flight tickets and costs etc. Behind my back. She also invited him to come visit her. He said yes to this. The reason I know was that my boyfriend messed up and thought I knew about these plans she and him had been making and commented on it to me, where I was clueless and started to ask questions. I was hurt by this, because me and my boyfriend at that time were just getting to know each other and had not even discussed meeting in real life yet, so she going ahead and plan it with my boyfriend behind my back... It made me upset and very uncomfortable. Especially the invitation she had given him to come visit her, and he had said yes. I asked him if he would go alone to her and he said yes, so this wasn't a couples invite. The woman is married and I never believed they were flirting, so it's not like that. But it made me upset all the same. It ended some time later when me and my boyfriend had actually talked together about visiting each other, and I was excited to tell my friends the news. She was logged on as offline, so I thought I would send her an offline message (that she then would read the next time she logged on). However she was online, and informed me she had already heard the news from my boyfriend! They had been talking earlier. I thought she was not even online, and hadn't talked to her for days. So she hadn't talked to me during those last days, but she had talked to him. It made me feel even more uncomfortable.I then told her how I felt, and she said she would not speak to him again. And that is the last I heard from her. Then today, I logged on to talk to my boyfriend. After his last visit at my place he forgot to log off his account and I ended up at his account when I went online. There I saw he had her added up on his contact list, and on this messenger I didn't even have her added. I asked him why he had her on there and he claimed all three of us talked together on that messenger long time ago and thats why, but I never had her added to that messenger, nor have I ever talked to multiple people on it. I created an account on that messenger specifically for my boyfriend and me to have a place to talk privately! So I know I never invited the other woman to talk to us on there. I didnt want to make a scene, I started just asking why she was there, then he flipped out and said he was deleting her from every place he had her, and he got very mad at me and saying it was all bullshit.So now I am hurt, and at the same time wondering, is it really bullshit? Because if it is, why did the two of them having so much contact bother me as much as it did?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): It really seems like you are overreacting to this. If you are so controlling that you will not let him talk to someone else online, are you going to make him delete female names from his phone's contact list if you do ever become more serious?There is a good possibility that he is on to you and he will break up with you if the crazy controlling attitude continues.Please try to chill out before you push your boyfriend away.
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