A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I don't know if the following question has ever been presented in this forum before. I'm starting a relationship with another widower and heard this perplexing event from him. Many of us are snowed in this weekend with members of our families not with us. My friend is at his son's home. His daughter-in-law had a bottle of wine and he had to help her to bed as she was very tipsy. He disclosed to me subsequently that he removed her jeans and put on her pajama bottoms. He also sent her a picture before he put on her pj bottoms. He phoned me right after this incident, whereupon I simply responded that these actions could be construed as quite improper and inappropriate. He seemed naive but agreed with me. In the morning he told her never to say what had happened. I'm not ready to walk away but will watch this situation since I think said daughter-in-law has too much control and fondness for him. I might like things to progress with him but have been circumspect about daughter in law for some time. What do you all think about the jeans removal? After all, people have slept in their jeans and not been uncomfortable. Hope I'm not making something out of nothing. I'm quite sure the guy has no inappropriate thoughts about her. Thanks, Andie Mac
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2016): Yuk. The fact he thought he had the 'right ' to take off an item of her clothes when she was barely drunk is a huge clue as to the status of their intimate feelings. Also not wanting it to be mentioned. Do you want to have to advise your partner what may be construed as sexually inappropriate actions with a member of his family? That you are even having to point it out.... Surely you want to be with someone who actually has healthy boundaries. Remember your self respect in your time hanging around waiting to see what happens next.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 January 2016):
 Inappropriate ? personally I find it totally creepy.
I don't get why he had to undress his drunk DIL to put her in her P.J. bottoms, couldn't he simply leave her to sleep her wine off with her jeans on ?... But OK, suppose that he went authomatically in Dad's mode , without thinking: as if he was putting to bed a sick child. Ok, I can buy that... maybe.
But taking a pic ?? Why in the world ??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2016): In a nutshell?
He's a dirty, old man.
Everything he did was inappropriate and he knows it. Hence the "naive" and "innocent" act.
Trust me, I know.
Stop wasting your time.
You can do better.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (25 January 2016):
 Go with your gut. Ordinarily I'd probably say it was a poor judgment call lacking common sense however taking the picture? That's all that bit too perverted for me and defiantly a red flag.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, sorry I was unclear about the husband's whereabouts. He couldn't return from work in NYC because of the snowstorm and he had to return to work the following day. Lots of folks can consume a bottle of wine alone or perhaps the father-in-law helped her. The perplexing fact I didn't mention and not intentionally was that apparently while swimming in the presence of her husband she removed her swimsuit bottom one summer. I believe the daughter-in-law to be too close to the father-in-law, overly controlling and in his face always telling him what to do. I'm not worried about my presence in his life in conjunction with her as I'm able to handle most situations. I just found it more than bizarre about the jeans removal and told him so. Apparently he then agreed with me after I pointed it out. I'm on the alert and truly don't know that he and I will have any relationship anyway. Thanks so much, AndieMac
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 January 2016):
 Why did he take a picture of her? That is more weird than putting her in her PJ's !
I think he might have meant it in a harmless parental fashion - drunk "kid" needs to go to bed, so let's put her in her PJ's.. but then why just the bottoms?
And where was HER husband in all this? And why was she drinking a whole bottle of wine?
Seems like a reallllllly iffy situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2016): He is confident that it is ok to remove her jeans, therefore in my eyes he has been there before. Sorry!
The picture he took is also a warning that he is playing some game.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2016): I'm wondering if just a bottle of wine is enough to get someone so drunk they aren't able to undress themselves. Perhaps if she is really small and not used to drink or it's a big bottle, but it's a bit suspicious.It sounds to me he was just genuinely trying to help her without any side thoughts or anything, especially the way you say he told you.Some people can get all sorts of bad ideas when they've been drinking. Sometimes ideas they'd never get when sober and never have again. And pretending you need more help than you do, especially when it includes being seen naked, seems like the type of clumsy scheme a drunk person would come up with. The failure to even register this on part of your boyfriend, however, is a very strong signal of disinterest. Or it could have been completely innocent, not all inappropriate ideas drunk people have are about sex, perhaps she wanted a bit of care or was genuinely not feeling all right and needed some fatherly support and the form chosen was just a bit weird due to the drinking. Or she really drank too much and he took care of her.Either way, it doesn't seem like you should be concerned. He isn't interested, he let her know in a very telling way, and it's doubtful she even thinks about it that way. I agree this isn't a story that would be wise to repeat to people and there just might be more to it on her part, but if anything, it tells you some pretty good things about him, if you discount the naivity.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 January 2016):
 If'n I could ever get a girl in to (just) her undies.... you can be SURE that something untoward would happen....
Good luck with YOUR situation......
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 January 2016):
 Yes, I can see how this is considered inappropriate. Your boyfriend was offering fatherly care. That's what I see. However there are lots of sexual misconduct amongst families. It's more like some people screwed up, so avoid any behavior in which people would think of you that way.
He may not see anything wrong with that, but he has to be aware that there are many vigilant people out there. What's missing in the picture is her husband. Why didn't he pick her up? Is he neglectful of her, which causes her to cling on to your boyfriend for attention?
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