A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am an indian girl. My family is talking about getting me married, but I am worried. I haven't really talked to anybody, but I wanted to know something. On the first night after the wedding takes place do we you know ... have sex? I mean I know we are supposed to use condoms, but if he wants to have sex on the first night is he going to have condoms? I don't know about his sexual past and feel shy about asking him. I want to know if he is a virgin and if he plans to have sex on the wedding night and if we are is he going to have condoms? I want to know where he plans to have sex because I have heard that first time sex is painful and if I scream I don't want his family members to actually know we are having sex.
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condom, sexual past, shy, wedding, wedding night Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): Just be ready for anything.And the first time is apparently painful a bit for women.And in Western Cultures it is traditional to make the beast with two backs on the bridal bed (usually not anywhere near family and usually at a hotel).I'm not sure how it is for Indian cultures, not being Indian myself.But I have always disapproved of arranged marriages as I believe everyone has the right to choose for themselves. Irrespective of what parents think.Anyhow, if you trully wish to marry someone you don't know, just be ready for anything and don't be afraid to ask him to stop if you are uncomfortable.Flynn 24
A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (2 December 2007):
 I remember reading about some cultures around the world and came across a statement that some cultures place heavy emphasis on sex on the first night. In some theologies or societies, a marriage is not considered a binding contract until the couple have had sexual relations - or have consummated the marriage. So long story short, some cultures do not recognize the marriage unless sex has taken place between the two. Not sure if this is the case in your own culture though. However....
As it has been stated before, you and your partner can decide when sex is best for you. You can discuss birth control options and why type you will use. You can discuss the expectations of the wedding night. There are many things you can discuss before actually getting married which will help you both on the wedding night because there won't be any surprises. He'll know that you expect him to wear a condom or he'll expect that you've started some form of birth control method. Or he won't expect to be getting sex on the first night - or he will, depending your conversations you have with each other.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, bqagirl2692 +, writes (2 December 2007):
 Well this is something you must discuss with your partner. He is the man you are going to spend the rest of your life with so you both need to build up your communicating skills. Dont feel shy about asking him these kind of things because you have every right to know and vice-versa. Let him know how you feel about the situation and you are sort of nervous this being your first time and all. Second of all, dont feel obligated to have sex on your wedding night. It is not a wedding night rule. Have sex when the both of you are ready and your positive about doing it because if you feel as if your obligated to have sex, then you might not enjoy it as much as you may want. Having intimacy with the right person your going to spend the rest of your life with is something so beautiful and should be cherished. This is a matter you should discuss with him. Good luck to the both of you and God Bless!
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