A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello!I have a sticky situation and need advice on what to do.My boyfriend and I have been together for roughly two years, we have had plenty of ups and downs during this time. He has been steadfast through each fight, though, as have I, up to this point. We usually are very good at being up front with each other about when something bothers us or hurts us that the other did. One HUMONGOUS point that has been debated between the two of us to this day though is what his sexual preferences are compared to mine. I don’t find bondage attractive, but he does, so I let him play with me. Bondage makes me feel very small and not powerful or sexy, it strips me of my confidence honestly and I don’t really like that. But I have told him little of this— he shuts down if I try to be up front about it and goes inward, scolding himself and crying for the lengths of our conversations. I’ve told him too that I am more comfortable with bondage when he reciprocated with what I want, which is emotional intimacy. Sex with us feels very rushed sometimes, so I’m not as quick to agree to anything anymore. We had the intimacy talk recently and he’s remedied that in our most recent soirée, so I’m trying to remain fair and give him a chance to grow. He and I also got into a huge fight that nearly led to us breaking up, and it went something like this:I went out with a few new friends to a club and was dancing/grinding up on one other guy from behind him, just lightly. Was less focused on grinding with him and more focused on having fun, I probably bumped him once or twice but didn’t get too close. My friend was up on the other side, sandwiched with his girlfriend, and suddenly the guy started groping me and feeling my crotch and my boobs up. I just walked away from it and didn’t throw a fit, didn’t want to pick a fight with him about it. I told my boyfriend about it and he got upset with me for dancing with this other guy, which is valid. We talked for a while about it and I was saying that I was a) just having fun and didn’t associate dancing with deviancy, and b) was really getting nervous and upset about graduation from college coming up in a few months. He took both of these things to mean that I was nervous about my level of commitment I would have if we did a long distance relationship and got really upset about that. I didn’t deny that he was right, because he wasn’t. I really don’t know how I will Be when he goes away and I am left to finish grad school. We made up 24 hours later, I sobbed in the middle of a bar to him because I really was hurt by what he said, in spite of it being right, and I needed to put my foot down about at least confirming that I did feel for him and wasn’t falling back on that right now.On top of all of this though, I met a new friend recently. I really like her. We have similar personalities and our interests align readily. We clicked instantly and the relationship itself started from a message I sent her telling her she was cute. We met at a bar with her friend and my boyfriend about a week ago, hit it off instantly, and kept meeting up in the week that followed. I had a chance to go out dancing that weekend, met up with her Wednesday, and have since stayed over with her this weekend. She is a breath of fresh air for me because I have had few friends and even fewer people with shared interests or passions; she has made my heart flutter in the two weeks I’ve come to befriend her. We get each other in a way I haven’t found in anyone else in a really long time. She pays attention to me and has been so supportive as a friend thus far in what conversations we’ve had; spending time with her is nothing short of addiction. I have discovered that she is in a relationship too, and I didn’t want to say that I liked her because of that. I have also learned that she is coming to my college in the fall to pursue a degree here, and wants to become involved in Residence Life with me. She and I are two peas in a pod, it’s insane.To transition, before I left her place today, she told me that she was extremely attracted to me (and I immediately agreed with her, I couldn’t deny her that), and qualified that by saying that we were both in relationships right now and really shouldn’t do anything. She said she needed to put that out on the table to show her hand, so we could move forward in our friendship. I really appreciated that she talked with me about her feelings; I was stupid and nervous in the moment, and asked her for one kiss to clear the air in addition to explaining my appreciation for her saying something to clear the air. Later apologized for that and cleared it up with her. I just can’t get her out of my head in spite of this, and I also can’t deal with the amount of pain that spikes up when even just thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend. I don’t really know what to do, and I know I need to slow down at least with this new friend and let that relationship blossom. Waiting is a hard game, my friends, but I’m not sure it is the right one to play. What can I do right now, and is there anything I should do?
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boobs, confidence, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (31 January 2018):
 Tell him it is over, if you loved him you wouldn't be grinding up against other guys or wanting to kiss other girls. End the relationship and then you are free to date whoever you like.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (28 January 2018):
You and the boy are not sexually compatible. You have met someone else. Tell the boy it is over and get on with your life either with the girl or with someone else or on your own.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"I didn’t deny that he was right, because he wasn’t." ** EDIT: I didn't deny that he was right, because I knew that he was right.
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