A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a bit of a mess and could really use some advice here. Basically i live in a house with 2 girls and 2 other guys, one of the girls lets call her N happens to be my ex girlfriend whom i split up with about 3-4 years ago. Regardless of this, we remained to be really good friends, and for a long time, i thought i was still in love with her. About 2 months ago i started secretly seeing the other housemate K, who I get on with infinately better than i ever did with N, and as such i realised my feelings for N were just my jealous ego at work. The other 2 guy flatmates work 9-5 which leaves the evenings with pretty much me, N and K, which was great before I started seeing K. About 2 weeks ago, K told N that we were seeing each other, and that it was more than just a bit of fun and as expected N flipped, she is the most irrational person i've never known (she has a slight drug problem), and although through days and hours of talking to her and K she says she doesent mind, even though it is obvious that she does (i don't think its because she is jealous). Because of the stress of N and also the stress of us living together it has always hungover the "relationship" and to be honest I was never sure i wanted a relationship in the first place, until yesterday, when we both agreed that we couldnt start anything with this hanging over us.Needless to say we were both upset, and when i went to bed i started crying for like the first time in years. I know that K is very special to me, and I know that she has always felt very strongly for me. I don't know what to do. This is not the first time we've decided to leave it, and it always ends up with us together, and i'm scared that i've blown my chance, also if we were together would this situation work? and i feel like N has spoilt it for me as i can't deal with her tantrums (i.e. slamming doors turning her music on full, and screaming for hours on end), which is sad because N and I have agreed we've been through alot and don't want to lose our friendship despite her having made any chance of me and K being happy impossible. K and I agreed that we have a great time together and have both tried to ignore the looming stress, but it's unbearable. Any advice would be unbelievably apprieciated.
View related questions:
at work, ex girlfriend, flatmate, jealous, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (6 March 2007):
 You cannot control what N thinks or does but you can take charge of your own life. Dating flat-mates is always tricky as you are learning but I am sure you cannot be living in the only rentable house in your area. Surely you cannot let N run your life to the point where you don't do what you want to please her - is that a friendship???. I don't think it is probably healthy to live with ex's because there is usually baggage and it maybe almost cruel for her to see you dating another girl under her nose. She may have accepted the just friends thing but perhaps she hasn't too. Pack those bags and move out...
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (6 March 2007):
 It's none of N's business. You've been broken up for years and years. May I suggest that you and K either move out or, if you're on a contract tell N you will be together and she can like it or lump it. This may sound harsh but why the hell should she still be allowed to act like this. You haven't been hers for a very long time.
CD
...............................
|
