A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have a slight problem, i'm only 17 but i constantly feel paranoid about the size of my boobs.i dont know my actual size, but i am rather small.i was just wondering what types of bras are better to push them together and up. i currently wear gel bras, but theyre not very comfortable.help me!thankyou x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, daletom  +, writes (8 August 2008):
Hey, "anonymous female reader"!
It's me again, the long winded one.
One of the hardest things things for anyone is when you realize that you don't measure up to some cultural "ideal", but you STILL have value and you are special to somebody! For many women this problem comes from their appearance - guys get clobbered by things like athletic ability, or jobs and careers.
You ARE attractive to your boyfriend! You don't have to be attractive to ALL men, or even SOME men, but just ONE man. (Well, one at a time - and, I hope, one for ALL time!) Despite all the brainwashing we get from popular culture about what our partners "should" be, men still have individual preferences. Your boyfriend prefers you.
Now I am going to break up this power-of-positive-thinking conclave by being cruel and hurtful: Personally, if ALL I knew about a girl was her appearance, I'd most likely choose a skinny broad with no boobs over a chunky chick, with or without boobs. Having made that choice, I might sleep with her, more than once, but I would NOT necessarily want her as a long-term life partner. The fact is, to me, what is between her ears is more important than what is between her ribs or what is between her legs.
Several incarnations ago I secretly lusted and fantasized over a co-worker. She certainly carried more pounds than she needed, probably more than was healthy though she wasn't obese. If she hadn't been somewhat overweight she probably wouldn't have had much in the way of boobs. She wore braces on her teeth. Didn't spend a lot of time on hair or makeup. Her general appearance might have been described as "sloppy" or "dumpy". But she had a PhD in Physics . . . brainy gals are my downfall!! (It has not escaped my notice that our Secretary of State, Dr. Condoleezza Rice, is unmarried . . . )
I don't relate that because I expect you to become an intellectual giant, but rather to illustrate the point that different men are attracted to different things in a woman, and many of those points of attraction aren't physical at all!
Are you brave? If so, here's an assignment. (It could even become a legitimate research project or thesis for a university course - if you really want to be one of those intellectual giants I lust after!)
- Look at the couples in your circle of acquaintances who have been together for a while. At least 5 years; 10 or 20 is even better. Get away from folks your own age - rather, concentrate on co-workers, teachers, your parents' friends, your friends' parents, etc.
- If possible, pick people with a wide range of characteristics. Tall, short, fat, thin, smart, dumb, old, young, rich, poor, etc.
- Jot down a few notes on each of these couples based on what you know. For each pair, ask yourself "What did he/she see in her/him?". In a sentence or two, make your best guess at the answer to that question.
- Here's where the courage comes in. Ask that same question of the couples themselves. Only, make it sound like "How did you folks meet and get together? What's the best thing about your wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend?". It's a question you can ask in a totally casual environment, like after dinner, waiting for a bus, or watching a ballgame. Or, tell them you're doing some research on relationships - which is a totally true statement - and you would like an appointment for 10 minutes of their time. Old married people LOVE to answer that question!
- Now compare your guesses to the answers. How many did you get right? Were you close? What traits or characteristics do people find attractive?
If you have the backbone to go through with it, come back and tell us what you learned!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni guess you're all right seing as you all said similar things.
i mean my boyfriend likes me how i am, so i shouldnt care?
but i do.
and everyone feels selfconcious now and again..
but i'll try and be more possitve.
thankyou! x
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (8 August 2008):
 Tubby is good (although I would call it "cuddly").
There's an old (and not too respectful) phrase that describes it as "all that meat and no potatoes" !! Well, personally I like my meat much better than the potatoes. Potatoes just get in the way of the real tasty bits...
Look, seriously, firstly not all men like big boobs. Secondly, the shape of your body isn't going to be important to anyone who is really going to be important to you. Bodies are great, whatever the size and shape. I can assure you from personal experience that cuddly girls with small boobs are just as pleasant to cuddle (or whatever!) as cuddly girls with larger boobs - and very much better than ANY skinny girl with or without large boobs.
Be happy with what you are. Trying to be something different because you think it will please or attract anyone is, usually, a total disaster. Unless you're planning a career as a model or filmstar you don't need to try to make yourself different. We men like to get hold of real women, not fakes. And apart from the few shallow, superficial individuals who need a supermodel lookalike to massage their own egos, we generally look far deeper than the shape of your body when we're trying to find a partner.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes but she's really thin so she suits it, i'm quite tubby.
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (8 August 2008):
 Oh my, haven't you seen Keira Knightley? She's fricking GORGEOUS and she doesn't have any boobs at all. Every guy will tell you how so pretty and attractive she is and the reason is because she's PROUD of who she is and it's her confidense that makes her look even more attractive. I love her for standing up for loving her body and NOT letting Hollywood fake her breast size digitally and I wish girls saw her as a role model for loving one's small body.
Listen to the other people's advise since they're great. They give you the male perspective about this!
And oh, if you want a good bra type, use the push-up bra. But first, go to a bra fitting session (they can do this at Victoria Secret but you could ask where places that sale women's undergarments). Once you know your true bra size, you could just look for the push up bra.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (8 August 2008):
 Daletom is completly right
Big boobs arent as adored as the magazines may make you think, yes they are nice to look at sometimes, but in the woman i like i prefer smaller frames.
Basically daletom has said everything but to add confidence is much more sexy than insecurities, ive dated an insecure person and its a turn off to have a woman constantly doubting herself, if you confident and can flaunt it (without being arrogant) men will flock to you
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (7 August 2008):
(A male guy person of the masculine sex replies:)
I'll tell you the truth but it probably won't have much impact because Hollywood and Madison Avenue are screaming a different message at you.
Boob size isn't nearly as important as you imagine!
Right now, western culture prefers larger breasts as a matter of fashion. Guys are essentially taught to prefer big-boobed women. Some guys will be genuinely turned-off by your smaller size. Some are actually turned-on by it! And a larger number than you realize simply accept it as part of what makes you, YOU.
Don't feel you have to be ashamed of it, or hide it. Speaking frankly, as a guy, the firmness and shapeliness (lack of sagging) in smaller breasts is more attractive to me than sheer size. In fact, you are probably in a better position to flaunt your femininity than large-busted girls.
My wife is about a 34-A - on a 5'9 frame. I knew what was there (or not there) when I married her. She can go braless most of the time, and her shape is apparent without being the least bit indecent. (OK, a few folks might object to an obvious nipple from time to time but they are a minority.) We both like the fact that I can easily slip a hand up and give a gentle caress that she actually feels, rather than being muffled by an inch of cotton.
You didn't mention it, but . . . please don't get implants. Fake is fake, and if I found plastic boobs I'd have to make a special effort to find out if they are on a plastic person.
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A
female
reader, dora_d +, writes (7 August 2008):
hi, first dont let this worry you! all girls are different shapes and sizes, and alot of women arnt happy with there size even the if they are a big size!! i am like you and am lacking the boob department but i wear padded or gel bra's to give me a bit more of a boost, i also sometimes wear breast enhancers (chicken fillets) and they do the trick to give you an extra size up from your natural size!
but i think you should just be happy with your body the way it is becouse thats what makes you beautiful and who you are!
hope this helps xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): If you're looking for a guys opinion - everyone is unique and everyone likes different things. I know my prefs tend to be for less up top (I know. I must be crazy.)
Can't tell you about bras - most I can tell you is to be comfortable with yourself for however much that means to you.
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