A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I want to step things up a bit. (sorry this is long!)Theres this guy I like and I am pretty sure he likes me too. All the signs are there, hes just extremely shy and I think hes new to the whole dating thing (I am relatively new to it too...so I too am a bit nervous). (hes 18 and Im 21)I have only had 2 boyfriends; if you could even count the first as a relationship. I thought it was but I guess it wasn't...come to find he was still with his gf when he said he wasnt...then the second one came right after for just a month and cheated on me.So it has taken me almost a whole year to trust another guy again, and I think I found a pretty good one this time. He is totally different than the previous two.So being confused and nervous about relationships, and he being the same...I need help.He has slowly become more confident, and went from poking/giving me high fives to brushing my arm, sitting close enough to touch me, and playing with my hair. We have also started talking online every night 2-3hrs(since we only have one class together we dont see each other much). Those are new improvements, he started those last week. We have been flirting for about 2 months now, and I am ready to take it into a relationship.I have been waiting for him to ask me, but I am unsure if he will do so. Again I say he is extremely shy about all of this, and very slowly gaining more confidence in it all. So if I wait for him to ask me out, it could take much longer!We made plans weeks ago to spend all day together this Saturday...I have been hoping he will ask me then.But still in the back of my mind I'm thinking "he wont, hes too shy to say something."I am sure we will be sitting pretty close together because we will be outside for almost 12hrs straight. So I wanted to know how to go about doing things?I thought about trying to hold his hand...but how do you go about doing such things...I mean I know how to hold hands..I'm just nervous how to initiate things like that. Also...should I try anything else? Since he is shy I really dont want to push him too much because he might back off. I thought maybe a peck on the cheep, but even though im like 90% sure he likes me, im still scared of rejection. Also, if those things go good...should I still wait for him to ask me out? Or should I ask him?If I should ask him to be my boyfriend...how do I go about doing so? (Again Im scared of rejection!)Thank you for bearing with my long post .
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cheated on me, confidence, flirt, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): I think you are in a bit of denial here.
You say you see no problem with his age. You do see a problem, you just spelled it out, the whole you are graduating way before him speech....it won't work trust me. He won't be ready to get serious with you when he is a junior either...most men do not get married or commit until they are at a certain chronological age or can support a wife and have a good money making job.
I get the feeling that you are considering getting certified to tack on 30 more hours so you can stay in school have your parents pay for it while you try to hang onto this guy another year. Maybe what you are really doing my dear is avoiding the inevitable when you will be out of school and on your own financially, you are avoiding growing up and having a life. Sometimes it is scarey to realize that you are no longer a student when you have been one all of your life! You actually have to go out there and spread your wings, fly and see what life holds for you.
Do NOT hold yourself back for this 18 year old boy. You will regret it, and by doing so you are putting pressure on him whether you see it that way or not.
That is what I mean about him being too young for you.
Two year age difference is no big deal, IF the timing is not an issue.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionrhythmandblues2
I see no problem with his age, yet I am dreading of that whole “I’m graduating your not, speech.” Two nights ago he asked me “How long will you be here?” Which is sort of the start of that speech.
I told him I am thinking of becoming certified in my minor so that would tack on 30 more hours…meaning instead of graduating in 2011, I will graduate in 2012. He said “So I will be a junior when you graduate.”
Other than having to be separate for a year, I see no harm in it. My sister is 2 years older than her husband, and they are great together.
Also there is the thing that, I have always liked younger guys because I was held back in first grade (I wouldn’t interact with the other students)…so every guy in my grade was younger than me.
Also he is way more mature than some of the older guys I know. (Just extremely shy)
And he will actually be turning 19 in November.
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anon
Thank you.
Ah I know what you mean…I’m just starting to long for him…Well not that way; I am not ready for any of that. I just want to be able to call him mine, be held in his arms, and everything. I have actually started to lose sleep over all of this, when I try and sleep I can’t I just lay there thinking of him…I need my sleep! Lol Maybe it is all of those late night chats we have that cause this lack of sleep.
So alright…I will wait for him, but should I still do things like try to hold his hand? I’m not really sure how to go about the ‘hinting.’
It feels like we are already in the relationship, it’s just not official with the words said yet or the whole experience. (ie. Cuddling, kissing, etc.)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): im a guy and i know how ur friend is feeling.. i have been shy a lot of times too and thats probably the reason why i dont have a really good dating background.. but i do have a girlfriend.. and we are in a relationship for the past three years.. and it was me who instigated the move.. i made the first move and asked her to be my gal.. im sure this will happen in your case too.. start hinting him of things.. that u liek him and stuff.. but dont overdo it.. jus keep giving him the impression that u like him and want to be in a relationship.. some guys like it this way.. just as some ppl like foreplay before sex, some guys like this part of the relnshp, which is neither being friends nor being in love.. so they would like to stay in that region for as long as possible.. and trust me when u look back at it after a few years u realize u should've stayed for some more time.. so enjoy it while it lasts.. these are just symptoms for the good.. if u really like this guy then there shouldnt be a prblem waiting for him right? so good luck and keep ur fingers crossed! :)
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A
female
reader, menni  +, writes (29 October 2009):
Be a bit more flirty, but not scarey. Maybe suggest things you would like to do with him (not sexual) jst lyk movies and so forth.
Good luck, am sure everything will work out :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): If the guy is interested in asking you out, he will ask you.
If he is interested in having you as a girlfriend he will ask you and it will most likely not happen on date #1.
Don't you think at 21, that you are too old for an 18 year old boy? I mean you have to be at different places in your lives.
Aren't you about ready to get out of school, while he is just beginning his college education? Or is he finished after high school?
It may seem old fashioned, but men and women have pretty much been following the same dating rituals since Adam and Eve. "Never pursue a man more than he is pursuing you."
I have never had a boyfriend or a lasting relationship where I was the one who initiated things or pursued him.
Let things happen naturally, or decide to remain his friend. But seriously, I think at your young ages, you are too old for him.
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