| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: help me i am married. have been for ten years have two children 2 and 5 we have a ok marriage the normal ups and downs but the sex life has dried up so help what can i do. i feel like leaving her or having an affair
View related questions:
affair, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2014): I have the same problem. I don't think cheating is the answer. The marriage is good but the sex is gone. Ask her what's up. Maybe she wants out. Maybe the marriage is over. Maybe she has a sister....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2007): I am a female and I really enjoy useing some toys with my man, or ask her if she would like to have a three some, but there is a lot of great sex toys u both can use, I have been married for 22 yrs, and going strong.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2006): Wow, I don't mean to be harsh, but that is one of the most selfish things I have ever heard. Do you do romantic things for her to make her WANT to have sex? Sex is part of a relationship, a big part for some people, less important for others. But sex is part of a relationship. If other things are missing--communication, support, affection-- there is going to be less sex. Period. So talk to your wife and for god's sake do not cheat on her.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2006): Everybody seems to be telling you not to have an affair and to sort things out! It is always easy to say that when its not happening to you but much harder to do it! I presume that since you are writing to this site you have already gone through the usual channels of trying to talk things through? If not that HAS to be your first step. Ask yourself why and ask her why the sex has stopped. So many people stay together for the sake of the children I think that is the completely wrong thing to do as I did it. I am now on my own the children couldnt care less and and tell me I should have moved on years ago if I wasnt happy...not much good to me now!! You must do what is right for you. Listen to your heart and your head and sort yourself out. Life is much to short to waste.
...............................
A
male
reader, lee21003 +, writes (30 April 2006):
I'm been married 40 years... and have had the same problem off and on. Going through it again. The affair route isn't good. Did that too. Although wife didn't find out, it was too emotionally draining. Here's how I've learned to cope. Find a good massage place that gives happy endings. If you can find a clean call girl. Pay for it. No emotion. You get what you need and she gets what she needs. Believe me, if she's cold on sex now, it won't get any better.
...............................
A
female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (30 April 2006):
 Believe it or not i went through the same thing as well the sex between me and my husband had dried up and still has today. But it is all to easy to attach blame and use it as an excuse to cheat on another person Talk to your wife be loving and undertsanding and try and make it work after all this is only a temporary thing you are going through you never the sex life will soon hot up give it utime you can always consider going for couples counseilling do not give up on your marriage and it would be wrong for you to cheat on your wife and very unfair to wards her and her kids.
So just remember your wife has alot of responsibility in looking after the kids and the house hold 24-7 so she is probably exahausted and no doubt because she has had two kids she feels unanttractive, neglected, she is possbily feeling depressed and fat and probabaly hasn';t got much of a figure to make her feel sexy and attractive.as well.
Be a bit more understanding try and make it work for the sake of the kids. Also think about how the kids might feel when their daddy is no longer around if you leave them they woill resent you and they will feeel unloved and uncared for so remember that put the kids first.
any way try that if it doesn't work out try couples counseilling or relate or family mediation or send me a text message to my mail box if you want to chat some more in private
Lots of luv :) and good luck :)
...............................
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (30 April 2006):
 Or you could try and work things out which is what you should do if you really care for your wife. Talk to her about your mutual fantasies and try and fufill them. Plan romantic and erotic evenings, get babysitters for the kids so there are no distractions and learn to enjoy each others bodies again.
Mix it up. Variety is the spice of life and often the missing ingredient in a dull sex life. Push boundries but do so in a way that respects each others felings. Try new places too, be spur of the moment when you can. Hope that helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, sairie +, writes (30 April 2006):
An affair isnt the best answer, every relationship goes through a dry spell particularly when you have children, why not approach your partner in a tactful way and exlain that you love her but things are getting routine and you feel that some excitement is needed..why not book a weekend or even just a night away to regain some of the spark. Remind yourselves why you fell in love!
...............................
A
female
reader, i no how u feel  +, writes (30 April 2006):
Its scum like you that make me lose all faith in men. The second your sex life slows down all you think about is going and finding someone else. Shame on you. If you honestly loved your wife it wouldn't matter what your sex life was like. Has it ever occured to you that with 2 young children that your wife is just to tired. Maybe you should help her around the home more and maybe she'd be up for sex a bit more. Have you tried romancing her, maybe thats all she wants. Personally i think that you should leave her, because your wife deserves a more caring and loyal husband, and your children deserve a better father. Grow Up
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2006): Why can't you spice up your sex life with your partner as opposed to being stupid and selfish?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2006): You pig. Hire a sitter, rent a hotel room and buy something sexy from victoriassecret.comThe solution to an unfulfilling sex life with your wife is neither to "grin and bear it" nor to give up and just totally renounce those vows of loyalty that were supposed to last the rest of your life. (And seriously - are you so f-ing selfish that you can't even see how crappy a father it would make you to do that kind of thing to your kids - tear up their world at such a young age, just b/c you're not getting enough action?) It amazes me that you really have to ask about this kind of thing. Be a man and figure out how to fix things with your wife. Which starts by fixing things with you.I don't know when it happened that people started thinking their marriages were about themselves, but that's probably when it all started going to hell. Marriage and love and commitment are all about giving - giving selflessly, expecting nothing in return. Focus on what you can do for your wife for 6 months - how you can make her happy, how you can please her, how you can be there for her, and I guarantee you your sex life will improve. As will your marriage. And your general worth as a human being.
...............................
A
female
reader, Mama +, writes (30 April 2006):
Hi there,Oh no, you must not leave her, ask yourself why has your sex life dryed up? Are you too demanding? Is she getting tired? does she work. if so, this could be one reason why.the grass is always greener on the other side untill you get there, you will regret it, I know, i've been there, too late when it's done. You have a family who need you, think of the long term effect it will have. Practice falling in love, Don't go to bed with sex on your mind, this will put her off straight away, you must not pressure her, she will\ be feeling like all she is to you is a lay! she is your wife who wants to be loved and that is not just sex. Go to bed and out your arm around her, say nothing, just hold her, she what happens? xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (30 April 2006):
 Under no circumstances should you just have an affair, how can you even think that. Just because the sex has dried up as you so eloquently put it, does that mean you should sleep with someone else? NO it doesnt. You need to start showing your wife affection, make her feel like the most important person in the world and bring the romance back into the marriage. You cant just give up on a marriage like that, after so long you just want out, no thats wrong my friend. Communication is key here, dont just give up like that.
...............................
|
