A
male
age
51-59,
*eedhelp73
writes:My wife and I have know each other since we were 16. We always had a good relationship and after her first marriage failed we started dating. After 18 months we were married. We've been married for 5 years, but for the past 2-3 years my unhappyness has grown steadily. She is a wonderful mother to our two children and I have no complaints with that or her employement, but we lack a complete physical and emotional relationship. The sex is soooo boring. She hates giving oral sex yet loves it when I do it (which was almost everytime we had sex) and even in the last two years sex is almost non existant. Other than comceiving our kids which was just a chore to get pregnant there is no intimacy. Also I get "the look" anytime I want to go out with my friends, which is only about 3-4 times a month and usually on a weeknight. I feel like I have so much passion that I want to share, but at this point I have all but given up on trying to share it with her. I have expressed my concerns to her, but she refuses counceling and I just don't want to wait ten more years before I hit my breaking point and finally leave. If it wasn't for our kids I probably would have left already. I do believe she will be heart broken because I know she cares, but I just simply have lost interest at this point. Is it time for divorce? What can I expect as I've never been divorced and I'm afraid I'll let everyone down including both our families. I don't want to be the bad guy but don't know what to do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): Hi, your case is very familiar to me, except that I have no kids and wife is a wonderful human being, but sex life is not good, almost a duty. Your thoughts match mine as we both think of our families too. My suggestion is: please talk to her and tell her you are not finding her attractive enough these days. Ask for her view. Women have very strong sex drives; so tell her that you are unhappy with your sex life; and she will immediately do some changes if she loves you; no good woman wants to have an unhappy husband because she knows that's the first step towards losing you. Give her a clear message and let her respond.
A
female
reader, laetitia  +, writes (15 May 2010):
 Hi there! I can feel your frustration. She probably is one of those people who has a very low sex drive and you have a very high one.
Have you tried to introduce toys in the bedroom or to take her out on a romantic weekend just the two of you? Or maybe you should ask her to go shopping for sexy languiree and tell her how sexy something would look on her. By making a woman feel sexy, you can give a boost the her sex drive (at least it works for me).
Well if you've tried everything and it didn't work, you have to sit down and tell her that you don't have your physical and emotional needs satisfied and that makes you very unhappy and unfulfilled and that you can't continue this way.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (15 May 2010):
 I used to hate giving oral sex and now I love it. It's not about you or her. Another woman would love to give you oral sex and your wife might love to give oral to another man. She refuses counselling. You go by yourself first so you can tell everybody at least you tried. Other things I would try with or without her before giving up are 1) vacation 2) yoga/tantric healing 3)sexual literature. The last thing you want to let down is your own body. Think about all the years you betrayed your body for the sake of family approval. Your kids won't understand now, but when they grow up they would hate to be the ones who prevent you to feel alive, to get the happiness you want. Sex is very important in a relationship. It is unfair for your wife to keep you but to starve you sexually. We domesticate our pets but at least we neuter them. If the 1 2 3 I suggested do now work, give yourself a one month separation but still remain faithful to each other.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010): You need to tell her, I'm young but I've picked up that people have to be sexually compatiable for a marriage to work, correct me if I'm wrong!!
Tell her, talk about it, if you find out what's up then you'll know what to do
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