A
male
age
30-35,
*eehound
writes: I'll try to make this as short as possible with as least amount of details as I can because if I wrote out all my feelings about this girl I'd probably run out of space. I know it's really difficult to express how you feel about a girl over the internet in a few paragraphs, but for those reading I guess you just have to believe me that I'm crazily in love with her and have been for 4/5 years now. Problem is we broke up half a year ago and now she is with someone else. We were a couple for around 3 of those years, and as every couple we had our ups and downs, our typical fights, some real emotional times... but we always got through that. I just finished my last year at school a few months ago and am about to go to university, so our relationship was based during school which meant I only ever got to see her on weekends, school holidays and occasionally during the week.For most teenage couples I think they fail because neither person is mature enough or grown up enough to handle real relationships, which leads to boredom and cheating and fighting and whatnot. I think both of us grew up a lot during our relationship which has shaped us into the people we are today. We were literally best friends whilst we were going out, and even though our relationship failed, I thought we could sustain some sort of friendship outside of it.I'm not convinced about her new boyfriend. They've been going out for a few months now and she started going out with him about 3 weeks after we broke up.. I think he started off as a rebound but he grew on her. My problem is since about June 2010, I have not been able to get her out of my head. I haven't seen her much because he is uncomfortable with her seeing me, I talk to her a bit online and when I bump into her sometimes, and I talk to her on the phone and text her sometimes as well. But I can't move on. I don't want to move on. I don't even think she has moved on properly? There has been moments between us since then where we've been together just us two, and I could tell she missed what we used to have, but she was sort of obliged not to act on her feelings because of her new boyfriend.I know I am only 18 and I might come across as a stupid kid who has his emotions out of line and who isn't looking at the big picture properly and because there are a lot more fish in the sea, but put bluntly I love this girl with all my heart. I made mistakes when I was with her which saw us drift apart, but it was those mistakes that have made me see how important she is to me.. how much she means to me.. how much I need her in my life. Lovey dovey and stupid I know but I'd run till I pass out for her, I'd do the chicken dance naked in the middle of a football game for her.. it doesn't matter what I'd do for her, lol.. but I miss her so much and I don't know what to do.During one of our fights post break up, she told me "I loved you so much and you couldn't even see it. I saw Schoolies (a trip away after finishing school) as the real beginning for us, that we could be so much more after that". Just that one line in a whole heap of arguments breaks my heart right now because I am sitting on Dearcupid spilling my heart instead of laying down hugging her on the couch watching some crappy tv show. The saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder is true, but this absence is killing me. I can't stand that I'm not with her anymore, I can't stand the one person I want in the whole world I can't have. I've tried seeing other girls, none even come close to her. I keep telling myself that fate works in funny ways and if I'm meant to be with her one day then it'll happen, but waiting sucks and I can't take it anymore. I don't necessarily know what I'm asking of anyone, it's more just a rant from a man crazy in love with someone he can't have and I assume that a few people on here would be unfortunately feeling the same thing. Does anyone have any advice at all they'd like to offer me? Because right now I just need something to keep me going.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Beehound +, writes (17 January 2011):
Beehound is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Anonymous #1: this girl over the years developed a case of bipolar and depression. This resulted in constant mood swings, continuous ups and downs, a lot of overreactions to small things.. mix all these things with her general bubbly exciting personality and you have one big rollercoaster ride. All of these things started a bit into the second year of our relationship and I can honestly say they took their toll on me. For ages I wished that the bubbly exciting girl I met 2 years before that would just return without the add ons of depression and bipolar, but that never happened.
Because of this we started fighting a lot, and I found her very stressful at times to handle. It used to feel like she wanted and expected way to much from me. She is a natural attention seeker which is fine, but when she is always dying and craving for your attention so she is all over you, it gets tiresome. You might say having a girl all over you wanting your attention isn't such a bad thing, but I wanted a more laid back approach with less strings attached at the time. I found myself needing breaks from her a lot. The stress of school work, exams and her all just started getting to me. Looking back now though, I think to myself whether our relationship failed because I couldn't handle the stress of everything at the time and I did my best, or whether what I did wasn't good enough and my lack of effort is what saw it end. So put shortly, I stopped paying her the same amount of love, care and attention that I did when we first started going out due to circumstances. Apparently her new boyfriend gives her all of that.
To Anonymous #2: Thankyou for your reply, it helps to know that I'm not alone going through this hard time and i'm sorry to hear that you're also upset. The first 2 months after we broke up and she was seeing this other guy, I spent nearly all of this time on trying to get her back in my life as I realised what I had lost. She knows that I still love her and how I feel about her.. not to this extent though.. I have tried my best to steer clear of messing things up between her and her boyfriend because she seems happy, but at the same time i'd do anything just to get her back. If I wrote to her telling her how I feel, I have thoughts that this would come across as desperate and from what I gather girls don't like desperate and needy and weak, especially from guys begging for them back. What I have been doing lately is just being there as a friend to her, however its getting to a stage where only friendship with her just sucks and it's becoming hard to maintain because I was used to so much more with her.
Thankyou for your replies guys it's really helpful
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): Firstly I would like to say, I dont think you realise how much of a romantic you are, which is lovely! But everything you have said there, is what you should just say to her. Fate does play a part, but fate could have lead you to this site to seek advice to take action and tell this girl how you really feel. If you cant say it face to face. Write to her, tell her how special she is and what goes through your mind. Us girls love to know whats going on in those heads of yours, she will be grateful, and if she does feel the same, you will reunite, but if she doesnt, you are wasting no more time waiting. And just so you know I am going through the near same situation and I am waiting for the results good or bad..... But I am glad Ive done it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): What exactly did you do or fail to do to place her in the arm's of another guy?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 Your not going to like my advice but you need to move on. You say you dont want to but if you dont you are just keeping yourself miserable and you know that deep down.
The best way to move on is to cut all contact dont message her call her or meet up with her. If she contacts you tell her that you cant keep in contact with her anymore because you love her deeply and you are hurting. I know that it sounds scary cutting her out of your life completely but its the only way to get passed this. She has moved on now you need to do the same.
She was your first love she will always hold a special place in your heart but you need to accept that she is not yours anymore and that she is with someone else. You need to accept that, cut the contact and give yourself time to heal. There will come a time were you will want to go out and meet new girls. Goodluck Sweetie.
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