A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Alright...first let me thank in advance the honest answers I may receive in here. I am 29 years old, old-fashion hopeless romantic and it's really frustating that I am still not married...honestly I miss that special someone is my life. Don't take me wrong, I had 3 long-term relatonships (not a fan of casual) and the same seems to happen over and over again...a few months pass and I tend to not feel loved anymore and as much as I feel in love, I feel I can't settle because I don't feel I am loved enough. It might be a serious insecurity problem and I am hoping to get some stats here from successful couples. I'll skip my 2 first LTRs and talk about the one I am now...I love him and I am soooo attracted to him. Can't keep my hands off and his smell give me butterflies, I could kiss him a million of times and never get tired of...making love feels great but the way he acts put question marks in my head...after a couple of months the romance was just gone.Those are what bothers me the most:Kisses now are just tiny kisses...very rarely he'll french kiss me.We spend a lot of time together, on this alone times he'll show very little affectionOn the other hand, everytime we see each other (5 or 6 times a week most of the times), we will have SEX, sometimes 2 times a day, which is good. It feels really good still but it used to drive me insane. Lots of kissing, touching, oral sex, romantic talking, etc...One day he said making love is good but sometimes fucking is better. And then, kissing was very little, oral sex enough to get me wet so he can get inside of me, a lot of dirty talking and once WE BOTH CUM, it's over. He'll hold my hand for a minute and go to sleep. Very strange the way he starts too...he'll say something like, do you want me to fuck that pussy or sth like that (sorry about the language). As much as sometimes I think he does not love me, there are tons of girls that likes him and would sleep with him in a heart beat, some of them are more attractive, a lot of them would be wilder in bed, but he sticks to me for some reason.Can you tell me your stats ?? How long till the "honeymoon" was gone ?? How often you french kiss ?? How often you make love ?? What is your advice about the whole "fuck" thing ??Thanks again !
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (23 July 2008):
 To be blunt. A lot of foreplay is there for the girl, not the man. Sure, if done right, and if the girl knows what she is doing and the guy is willing to let her, foreplay can be very good for the guy as well and some of us just enjoy fooling around.
But for some guys sex is wham-bam-thank-you-m'am and indeed, foreplay/oral is just the price you pay to get the bitch ready. It may also tie into the loss of romance. He won you once, certainly that should be enough? Lots of people forget that a loving relationship has to be worked at for the rest of your life. Forget the honeymoon being over. The courting should never finish.
The falling asleep, that is just all men, it is how we work. Perhaps it is natures way of making us bond with the female. You got the cuddle hormone to make you bond, we fall asleep. Yes, women like the guy to stay awake but also consider that this means he got to go against his own body. Perhaps the same as asking a woman to NOT bond with a guy she is having sex with. A simple way around this is to have sex during the day when him getting sleepy isn't compounded by being tired after a long day.
Maybe the both of you just need to learn about each others needs. He sometimes just wants to fuck, cum and then drift off to sleep in the afterglow, you sometimes want a long lovemaking session where the orgasm is just part of the menu, not the finishing act.
There is hope for you, since it is the BOTH of you that cum during the fuck sessions. Maybe fuck during the week and make love on the weekend?
Also, you do realise YOU can french kiss him? Is it always him that sets the pace? Has to initiate sex? Keep the romance alive?
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 July 2008):
 Hi, I hear your frustration in the relationship. It sounds like you have a certain picture in your head of what a really romantic relationship is like. Hopelessly romantic sounds good, but honestly, isn't really practical in the long run, I think. You will eventually reach a stage in your relationship when the goochy goochy goo stuff just gets a bit wearing on him, and actually, I think, on you.
Your boyfriend says that sometimes just f'ing is good enough and I think what he's trying to tell you is that he just wants to go at it without a lot of bolstering your ego. He wants to have hot and heavy sex, just being a male, he wants it HIS way for once. That means not a whole lot of foreplay, I think, and you know what? This can be really really hot if you get into the spirit of it. He's talking dirty to you because he wants to cut to the chase.
I think that it's fair to take into consideration HIS desires and fulfill his needs once in a while. If sex always has to follow a certain script, then you've lost the spark for sure. Play! Have fun! Try different things!
Having hot and 'dirty' sex doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. If you feel it's gotten into a rut, then change it! Do something new, suggest a new position, change up the pattern, be BOLD, experiment! Stop him in mid-track and take charge yourself. Be a sexy vixen.
You feel loved initially in the relationship, am I right? And then that feeling dwindles?
Maybe you are a bit too insecure, and expect him to bolster your ego every time. It is exhausting I think to try to assure a woman who is not confident in herself that she IS desirable, that she IS worthy of his love and attention.
So to answer your question, yes, oldersister is probably right, the initial honeymoon period may be around two years. But then if you find the right guy, you might get into a little rut for a little while, then you suddenly find yourself back into a honeymoon period again! Just because you get out of one doesn't mean you won't ever have that feeling again. Trust me on this one.
The very coolest thing in a good long-term relationship, besides the trust that the two of you share, is that crush that you get on him again. It's great!
It's not really realistic, I think, to expect that you'll be in swoony love with each other forever. It happens, I'm told, but I think the reality is that you go in and out of that feeling.
Book for you to read, that may help.
A Fine Romance, Judith Sills PhD. It helped me break a similar cycle that you are in. Too close too fast, too clingy, needing HIM to affirm your own sexuality and desirability. Nope! You are responsible for your own feelings, he can't be expect to feed them 24/7.
Sorry for the long answer, but I hope it helps in some way.
Good luck!
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