A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This feels so tiring and I feel I have no strength to even carry on writing..Some months back I wrote about my current long distance relationship. He, a soldier far abroad, .. I need the real talk here, as if you guys were my friends in real life...I have previously been married and divorced and I was in a marriage where he emotionally was not available. He cheated on me. I did all the things a girl could do to be there for her husbands downfalls and I tried to save us, eventually realizing I was losing myself. I ended the marriage and promised to take care of my heart. This was three years ago.Today.. To save details, We met online and I helped him by all means and measures to make sure he was feeling safe and was able to return home safely. I basically adjusted my time and schedule after his and I did it knowing that there was no other way around it.. He told me to be patient and so I was.. In the beginning he was the most loving and caring compassionate person I had ever met.. But he started to get distant and became more active online.. He has a fanpage and thousands of followers ( I need to save details). I noticed that he loved the fame online and mostly the fact that gorgeous girls wrote him and that boosted his ego I believe. I am far above average and know that guys find find me very beautiful, ( I don't mean to sound vain my point is to say that I know it's not that I lack the look) it's the fact that I despite of the fact could be with someone here in my town, I decided to look for the real thing and thought I had found it with him. I am a very deep person and care about the inner real deal than all the arbitrary norms.. But he changed.. It made me feel as a second choice, and I hated that feeling of knowing that things were not the way he made me believe they would be and that he was on and off behaving like there were other girls he talked to online.. When we talked, he would give me all the worlds compliments and care and say he loves me. But he often broke his promises (still is) and whenever I pointed it out he would promise not to do it again.. Yet he never kept those promises.I know being with someone who has been in the army almost his entire life is not easy, but today, he is back home since four days ago ( we are in different time zones; day where I am and night where he is) and he is still being very cold. We talked once since he came back and that was five minutes only just for him to inform me that he was ok. He promised he would call as soon as he arrived or make sure his cousins or sister would call but none of that happened.. We are into day four of his arrival and I feel it's time to have that talk with him. Once and for all. And my gut feelings tell me that he is expecting it too. It feels like he used me just to come home safe to his space and all these off and ons where to bring me to the point of me saying enough and him leaving... I feel he used me as an emotional support all this time.He sent me his personal belongings with a usb a week ago saying I would give it to him the day we met in real life... Among other things, the usb had a file of my pictures but there were four more pictures that I hadn't sent him.. One was from a town close to mine, another a picture of flowes taken from a private cam and then one with a woman next to her daughter I assume, sending a kiss to the cam and then another with a group of females sitting together as a group picture.. My heart sank and I haven't yet told him this.. He called me that one time which was four in the morning and my heart just stopped and my mind turned blank.. I am now waiting for him to call since I don't even have his new number and the only number I have is his sisters which was completely different from the one he gave me initially. He told me he would talk to his family about us but I doubt he has and I don't want to just call his sisters home not knowing if she even knows about me..For every minute and hour that goes by I feel that he is getting further away...I don't want this type of relationship again and I need save my heart from another heart break before it's too late. I just feel so tired and drained out...I know he also knows how much i have been there for him but it feels like the moment I confront him and have this talk he will say "you deserve better" and that way making it look like its me who can't handle him.. It's hard to explain but it feels so strongly that he will never admit that he is doing me wrong, not even if I tell him my worries and he will basically say " I don't want you to suffer etc dye to me"...All that breaks my heart and I have once before told him about my concerns and he kept assuming me it was due to the circumstances of him being a soldier and abroad.. But now, it just feels like I was right all along... I am so tired....
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cheated on me, cousin, divorce, long distance, met online Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (28 October 2015):
 I take a different view to the anonymous male who answered above. While he is right that the pictures could be friends or family, I think your gut feeling is right.
He is clearly narcissistic with his huge female fan base. Why does he need that? It is egotistic, chauvinistic and a detriment to any kind of lasting fulfilling relationship with you.
Any man should find you woman enough for him - and I'm sure you are. I think you should play it cool and dig yourself out of this relationship. It has heartache - yours - written all over it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2015): ok you met on line but not in reality and he has many fans and sent you a usb with pics.
I think the pics may be of his family and you may be reading the message wrong.
I think you should take a good sleep and stop thinking the worst.
For goodness sake dont give him the talk.
Just be happy to see him and here his news.
The stress is killing you and you may not be cut out to be a soldiers wife as distance is difficult.
But dont drive him away before you hear him out and take a look at the pics to see if its his mum and sister waving goodbye.
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