A
female
age
30-35,
*ovesick.chick
writes:I'm sorry if my story is too long and messy. Please bear with me :)At the time, I was a needy girl, with low self-esteem, no real friends... We started off as friends; then dated for 1 month. Then, he started to shut me out, I wasn't willing to put up with that so requested a talk. And he told me that he wasn't into relationships etc. and wasn't willing to "fight for it" so we ended. But we both agreed to keep it civil, as we go to the same university.Nevertheless, it was a real shock for me. At the beginning of the relationship, he really helped me, I started to gain confidence, make new friends; now as he left, my esteem issues got even worse than before. I got pretty desperate and hysterical. I didn't stalk him but I posted really depressing stuff on my Facebook so he knew exactly how I felt. I guess it was because I didn't really have friends to confide in, so subconsciously, I was reaching out for help of my virtual "friends"... It didn't help much and pretty ruined my image in the uni. Anyway. With time, I calmed down. I contacted him a few times but it was really casual (like asking about homework etc.) I didn't talk about getting together. He was sounded normal and I thought we were finally cool.Then the semester begun. Actually, our breakup was during the break, so it was the first time confronting him face-to-face. We ended up in the same class (but it was accidental, I actually had no idea of his timetable). After the class, I just wanted to greet him. Then, I saw him running towards door (he thought I didn't see it). It shocked me. I mean, I thought we were on talking terms and now he was avoiding me like I had a disease or sth. It hurt a lot. I wasn't over him at that time, but I also knew we couldn't get back together. I just hoped we could be cool with it. But he wasn't. He ignored me. So I started to ignore him too. Then, one day I realized how horrible girlfriend I was. During the relationship, I always had low esteem, appeared needy and made drama, so that must have turned him off. So I sent him a message, apologizing for everything. He didn't answer. But I expected that anyway. I guess the act was simply for closure.Fast forwarding, it's over 6 months now. We still pass each other like strangers. I think I'm nearly over it, but the thing that really bothers me, are we going to ignore each other like that for entire lifetime? Due to this, I pretty much cut contacts with mutual friends. I couldn't stand the awkward atmosphere, and after all, he was the one who introduced me into that crowd anyway. But I'm tired now. I just don't want to bother about him or anything related to him. But I still care. I still wonder, why he suggested us to remain friends, and then ignored me like that. Whenever I had to call him out of necessity (like 1,2 times telling him to return my stuff), he acted normal. But then in uni, it's just this awkward tension and ignoring. Why at the break-up he didn't say that he didn't want to talk to me anytime ever. I would just comply. Maybe he didn't want me to get hurt? But this way, I feel that it hurt me even more. Also, I feel that he still had feelings for his ex. After the break-up, I found out that he approached me right after his failed attempt to get back with his ex; she cheated on him so he left her. I knew about this but he told me that was long ago. Apparently, as I later found out it happened just before he met me. And almost right after we broke up, he added her on FB, and asked her pretty much "what's up". Did he still had feelings for his ex when he met me? Was it the real reason we broke up? During our relationship, his ex contacted him and wanted to get back with him. He refused. I knew of this, and I even told him that he could get back with his ex, if that was what he really wanted, I would be cool with that (although indeed it would hurt me). I let him decide freely. But he refused and said that he wanted to stay with me. After break up, I asked him, was it because of his ex, was I just the rebound girl, which he used for revenge? But he denied it and said that it was because he wasn't ready to be committed. Now, I'm still surrounded with this questions. I feel like I can't move on, until I clarify everything. My mind tells me that it doesn't matter anyway, as whatever the explanation is, the outcome will still be the same. On the other hand, I still feel that I want to confirm those doubts, I deserve to know the truth. Should I confront and ask him then? It's definitely not the case of me hoping to get back with him. I don't feel the same about him, as I learned more about his situation with his ex, I know I will never be able to trust him completely like I did before. I just want to get everything out, so that I can close this door and finally move on. Should I then? I don't want to lose my dignity anymore, but it really kills me to know how and why we really got to this "ignore" stage. And how will we deal with it in the future.Should I ask him for the closure, or should I leave it as it is and continue to ignore him? Please help me? And, thank you for reading all of this!
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broke up, confidence, facebook, gain confidence, get back together, his ex, move on, revenge, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lovesick.chick +, writes (15 December 2010):
lovesick.chick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer. Yes I agree with you. I should just leave it like it is. But we keep on bumping on each other so often. Now it's actually me running away. I act as if I hated him but right now I just want to be indifferent. What should I do now? It annoys me when some of his/mutual friends talk to me, because I don't want to do anything with them, as they remind me of him. I know I appear so childish with all the ignoring but just don't know any other way to deal with it. Any help?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): i think you should just let everything go. Stop stressing about the answers to your questions because it is possible that either he doesn't know thwm or he is protecting you by not telling you. He is alrealdy trying to avoid you so continuously contacting him will make you look desperate. Even if you do receive closure and he tells the other side of the story because you are obsessing over the situation you will just find more questions and it becomes a cycle. Remember the answers he gives you will not change your situation anyways. It is best to just move on and dont depend on him to release you from your confusion.Just leave it and walk away.
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