A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts,I have a question about attractive reserved men.If a man had good looks,height,a good job,an IQ of 130+ and was blessed with good health; deep down,he's gotta know that he's better than most people he encounters,right?My question is: if such a man was an introvert,would it be the self-awareness of his attributes that makes him come off as an elitist or is it that people assume that he is because he doesn't talk often? Are such men capable of humility and compassion? I find myself very attracted to a guy like this but cant decide what to make of him,and no one knows what he is like as a person(he's foreign but he does not speak often to people from his country either). He's the quietest guy I have ever met. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (10 June 2016):
 Speaking often is not a sign of compassion. If anything, it is the opposite as in rejection of boastfulness, rejection of idle talk, rejection of aimless speech... people who speak too much are often too consumed in what they are trying to say, or whether they are convince people with their speech, to be mindful of compassion.
People of high IQ are also often silent because they are too capable of recognizing where a particular conversation is heading, or have a clear conclusion how it will end, or what it's point is... so why bother engaging in it if it is pointless or you know its outcome.
High IQ people are also silent often because if they are to reply to the person, the person maybe alienated and intimidated by the incisiveness of their thinking, so they opt to be silent in order not to intimidate the other party.
Of course, there are exceptions and not all high IQ people fit the mold, but the point is that you cannot generalize, and stereotype people irrespective of their IQ or lack of it.
I'd suggest you go out with him a few times and see what his outlook on life is. Ask him questions instead of you entertaining him. Think of a repertoire of questions on various topics and when you get with him, ask him stuff... make him talk about thing and you listen. Then decide.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 June 2016):
 VERY very few people have an IQ of 130+
Me thinks you have a thing for this guy so you see him as perfect. He's not.
Being tall, intelligent, healthy, and good looking does not make a person better than anyone else.
Just because he's not outgoing does not make him an elitist.
He may be very humble and compassionate... you have no clue.
his looks have no bearing on it.
I have a son who is tall dark, handsome, gainfully employed intelligent and very quiet till you know him. He talks to very few people.
I am feeling that you are allowing your crush to cloud your thinking.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2016): What does his looks have to do with it? You may have experienced a few people as you have described; but is it fair to formulate opinions about him just assuming all attractive intelligent people are conceited and snobbish. Don't allow your insecurities to form prejudices and generalizations about people until you actually know more about them as an individual.
Beauty and good-looks is in the eye of the beholder. He may not come-off as good-looking to everyone as he does to you.
He may be shy and reserved; often conditioned by people having the presumptuous opinion he must think he's all that because he doesn't meet and greet everyone who passes him by. So it must be because he's handsome.
Do you like people forming stereotypes about people who fit your description and personality, or gender?
Yes, there is a possibility he is conceited, but so are many people who are smart, not so smart, not good-looking at all, and just arrogant because...well just because.
Before you form an opinion based on his reserved personality, say something to him to see how he responds.
Lots of people don't talk to strangers, and have no obligation to talk to people just because they share the same ethnicity or nationality. If you're generally a shy or quiet person by nature, you're that way around everybody.
Everyone has a backstory. If you don't know them, you can't judge them.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 June 2016):
 If he's a self made man, and believes that success comes from hard work and that lazy people get nowhere, then he can come across as arrogant. You are probably not going to figure him out unless you get to date him. Quiet people only open up to others they can trust and be accepted as they are.
I am a quiet person too. If I don't talk that's because that's not my primary mode of relating to people. If I interact with someone it would be in the form of sports, listening to concerts or I would rather be alone. Although I am capable of creating conversations I would rather go through life being a spectacle, observing life quietly. You are making a generalized opinion that quiet people are less humble and less compassionate, I can't speak for all but this is true of me. I am someone who deals with problems alone, and can't stand people who complain and make a big deal out of nothing. I am never someone who finds a friend to talk, to find a shoulder to cry on when I feel sad. That's something quite unlikeable, maybe to some people but that's who I am. As a woman, that would make me quite undesirable as a girlfriend or mother. Women are supposed to be nurturing and empathetic. But so far I like who I am and who I've become. My son is quite aware that I am not the traditional mother who generates warmth, but he likes me in other ways because I train him to be self reliant.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2016): A guy can have all that and NOT be elitist. However, he's not perfect for sure... don't put him on the pedestal!
He may be all that and feel inadequate (suffer from low self-esteem). He may suffer from (social) anxiety. He may have troubled past.
Just be open-minded and do not label him as perfect or elitist. Get to know him.
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