A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married and am really strugling with my feelings for another man. I met this man at work 4 years ago. We no longer work together and now live over 300 miles apart, so very rarely see each other. We do stay in touch though and email and call each other about every month or so. There is definitely a chemistry between us and after a night out he did text me once to say how stunning I had looked (we had both been drinking). I have also told him what good company he is and I think he knows that I like him. He is 16 years older than me, but I don't notice the age gap. Our partners have met each other, so our friendship isn't a secret, but I haven't said about my strong feelings for this man. We both have families and I know we can never be together. We have never done anything physically, but this might be down to lack of opportunity rather than not having feelings for each other. The problem is that I spend a lot of time alone (my husband works long hours) and I just can't get this man out of my head. I think I am in love with him, and really don't know what to do. I do love my husband but think that possibly this man is filling an emotional gap (not helped by not spending enough time together with my husband). I'm not sure what to do, this is taking over my life.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (8 August 2008):
The man in your head is not real. You've spent so much time thinking about what could be that you've filled in aspects of his personality and made him into your perfect soul mate.
I am sure he is lovely but he is really not the problem, the problem is that you are not happy so of course your subconscious is providing you with a little fantasy land to go to instead.
Talk to your husband. You don't need to upset him by telling him about this other guy but tell him you really aren't happy and are really lonely. Tell him you have tried to put up with it but you can't go on much longer.
Tell your husband to work less hours or change shifts or something. He probably thinks he's keeping you happy by bringing in money to buy you things. Tell him you'd rather have more time together and go without.
Give your hubbie a chance to change and be the man you want before you write him off all together.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): Talk it out with your husband.
And think hard about whether his overworking is justification for anything. There were tons of less ambitious guys out there you could have married, but you chose this guy and you've undoubtedly benefited from his hard working already. This is just the flip-side of that.
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