A
female
age
30-35,
*dub13
writes:Before, I believed myself to be extremely loyal and a great girlfriend, however I've come to realize that I am not one for committment in a relationship, and I don't know how to fix it. I am my boyfriend's first girlfriend. I was the one who went after him first as a sort of challenge to myself. I always thought he was too cool, because he never spoke a word to me, so yes, I basically made it a mission for me to get him to like me. He fell for it.He and I haven't been together for long, and the spark has already began to diminish. It started off well though--I tripped for his physique and collected personality. He was still that cool guy that I thought I knew. He used to come over almost every day, and I was genuinely happy. From there, I could tell that he was a fragile lovey-dovey type; someone that would swoon over their partners constantly and also someone that would get butthurt about jokes he takes literally, but I didn't mind then. I knew that him coming over every day was going to eventually become a problem, however, because I've never been the type of person that can handle clingyness. So of course I told him that I needed my space. He backed off a LOT (we only see each other about once a week now), and from then on, it seemed as if our spark has fizzled out for good. His collected personality is now boring, and his physique doesn't seem as great as it was before. As well, his sensitivity towards jokes made towards him is extremely annoying now. I believe my boyfriend doesn't have the maturity to know what to do in a relationship, and I just can't stand cluelessness. Am I just too demanding of him? I know I am not in love. He told my best friend that he was in love with me, and all I could say when she told me what he said was, "Poor guy." To top it all off, this guy I used to "talk" to ("Danny") has started to talk to me again. I've been flirting back, but I told him nothing would happen because I have a boyfriend and will remain faithful. But Danny keeps pressuring me to come over, and I'm afraid I will give in soon. My boyfriend's just not exciting enough for me (and come to think of it, he never was; I was always just attracted to him physically.) It seems to me that I have to stay with my boyfriend because I feel like I am responsible for his happiness. I know that's a bad way of thinking, but that's just really what I believe. I know, however, that this is unfair to him because it'll hurt him even more in the end when we finally do decide to break it off. I just don't know what to do now. There's Danny, who is honestly five times the man my boyfriend is. But I can't seem to get myself to go over to his place even though I'm extremely tempted. And then there's my boyfriend, who I want to get myself to love back, but can't. Either that or: my boyfriend, who I want to get myself to break up with, but can't because I'm just a selfish wuss.I miss being single and the benefits that went along with it. But I like the title of being a girlfriend. I don't want to be known for leaving my boyfriend for another guy, but I don't want to just blow off someone that I might be interested in. I want to break up with my boyfriend, but I don't because I want us to work (but has the mindset that we never will.)I'm stuck guys. I really am.
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best friend, flirt, spark Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): an healthy person is not poor,you should know that love covers all and if you surely love him,do not hesitate to stay with him. you can make the person you want him to be .do not maintain the belief that a man should be better than a woman fanancially.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): You cannot have your cake and eat it too.
Be single. Or be involved. They are the only two choices you have in this instance.
To do both is to disservice all concerned. And I heartily hate anyone that cheats.
Break up with your boyfriend if you are not in lovw with him. There is no way he can possibly come out of this without getting hurt. He cares about you in a way you are not ready to accept or return to anyone yet.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (25 March 2010):
 Technically, you're leading your boyfriend on, because he sounds like the kind of guy who will think you're in love with him as long as you're together. Just be honest and say you don't feel the same anymore and would rather just be friends. He'll soon move on I'm sure. Maybe integrate him into your circle and he may hit it off with one of your friends.
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