A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating someone for almost 8 months. I have never been unfaithful to him, nor in any of my other relationships. I do not carry myself in a classless manner, and I have respect for myself. However, he has been asking how many men I have had intercourse with and I told him that it was a number that is private to ME and that I had never told anyone. He took that to mean that I thought that I had slept with too many people. I finally broke down and told him. Only, I did not include the very few that I do not even count myself, but technically it was intercourse (but I stopped it from continuing). Now, I am having a guilty conscience for not including those in my 'number' because he has made me feel paranoid that I have lied to him, but I didn't. I have told him that my past is my past and he can accept me for who I am because of it and that I would never be unfaithful to him, that it is not in my nature, and that I have experienced that pain (being cheated on) and would never, never, NEVER inflict that pain onto someone else. Should I come clean and tell him that there were those incidents that I have never counted before, myself...or leave it as it is and continue to focus on the future with him, knowing that I am who I am because of my past. What's more...he's slept with over 50 women and tells me that he wants to make sure that he 'isn't dating a whore or someone who has slept around', which I haven't. I just feel confused inside because if I tell him every single thing (as in every single kiss, every single touch) about my past, he will think that I lied to him or was hiding something from him - which I never have. But I consider my past to be personal to me. Men, suggestions?Women, what would you do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Gem86  +, writes (18 November 2008):
 Men are a bit pathetic about this sometimes (im sorry guys, you are lol).
A friend of mine once told her bf how many guys she'd been with and it pretty much ended up the relationship as he couldnt handle it was more than him.
I dont think you should tell him the 'real' number if you dont think they count. At the end of the day, he wont ever find out. I think telling him make him more paranoid.
As for him saying hes doesnt want to date a whore, hes a whore. Over 50 women? He clearly slept around. So hes a hypocrite. Or maybe he's judging others on his standards.
There must be some trust issues here if he cant handle your past. Some people are unable to move past jealousy of other's pasts. What I'm trying to say is that I believe he is the one with the problem here, not you.
If it were me, I suggest trying to work out where his paranoia comes from, and try sort it out. I wouldnt tell him that u think u lied or whatever, after all, it is personal to u (as u said yourself). And theres a chance it makes things worse.
I wish I could be more help hun, I hope it gets sorted out. Good Luck :)
A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (18 November 2008):
 A very immature and controlling boy who has made very unreasonable demands on you. Is this someone you actually see a future with? Set boundaries now or this guy is going to make life very unpleasant. The past is past and unless you have a disease, nothing is his business.
Maybe tell him all your secrets are reserved for your husband. Until then, he needs to respect your privacy.
But a guy this young who has slept with that many girls is very worrisome. He sounds like he's using a reason to hold against you one day and will have no problem being a cheater.
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