A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i've been seeing a girl on and off for about 3 years. first it was in a casual format. i first wanted her to be with me but she couldn't decide to let go of her other ongoing relationships she'd had stringing on. there was about 3 months period that we weren't in contact. and one day i got a call from her saying that she wanted to see me. we met up that night and decided to spend that night together, she told me the next morning that she wasn't seeing anybody then. a night turned into a week, a month, and so on...so in the recent months we had gotten closer than ever before(we spent every day and night together.) we did this until one day she all of sudden mentioned that she didn't want to be in a relationship with just one guy(me!) i gracefully accepted it for what it was but kindly told her that that's not what i had hoped for this time around. when she stood her ground and didn't want to reach a happy medium with me, i decided at that point that i needed serious space. i then met up with her to tell her so, and when i did, she agreed that it was a good idea, but on the way home when i was giving her a ride home she suddenly started to seduce me. this made me confused, as she continued i asked her what she was doing. she then asked me if i'd like to have a make up sex. ...and i said, ok! lets do it.(now, at this point i was convinced that maybe she decided she wanted to be with me afterall(just me that is...).similar incidents ended up continuing about 3 times until i couldn't take it anymore, and over the course of events we've both agreed that we split up for good(once again). i've told her my reasons for not wanting to dater her if she wanted to see others. the main was considering the amount of undivided attention, effort and energy i was giving her. she wanted all that but couldn't do so for me.we've been broken up for a week and she just doesn't get the point that the only way i'd be with her is if she decides she want to initiate in a healthy and solid relationship with me. she still texts me saying that she misses me, she still asks for my help with various tasks she's unable to do on her own.im not clueless to the fact that i am probably just convenient for her to have around. but i do believe also that deep in her mind she cares for me. but not enough though in this case i guess...now with all this been said, should i wait it out and see if she'll come back to me? i feel like this time around if we break up, we'd be done for good...
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks all for your thoughts. well, i did cave in and saw her a couple of times after i posted this. i can say that nothing positive came of it.
we both live in a big city that still also seems like a small town and we crossover social circles. we are both social and outgoing creatures(her being more active being her age.), this time around i want to go ahead and have all the places and people she wants. im growing more and more domestic, granted i still very much enjoy the nightlife, i feel the need attend to places or events only when i am really interested.
anyways, to make this response interesting at least, i'm coming forward to tell that i did something really bad. i invaded her privacy and found things out without her knowing(or her telling me). i feel very bad about it but at the same time i also felt like it was something that was supposed to happen.
just like when she told me after she'd gotten together with someone else, i told her about this right away.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): She is a "butterfly"; here, there and everywhere; she seems to have some serious problems and is wasting your time and life; putting your health at risk to; as with STD's and AIDS; it is risky being with somebody that has numerous sexual partners;
I suggest you break all contact with her; let her be, you might suggest to her to get some counselling to sort out her issues with commitment before she really gets hurt; but let it not be y our problem anymore;
She is BAD news; stay away from her; distance yourself a.s.a.p.
Yes, it will hurt a little but move on; with her around you will never have the opportunity to start a new realtionship; don't even remain friends.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (5 July 2008):
 She is playing you and you need to break the pattern. I dont honestly think she will ever commit to you or any guy at the moment, if you were 'the one' she would not be treating you like this. Ask her to stop texting, dont reply or tell her to sort out her own problems. Or change your phone number. You need to move on and find a girl who will want you exclusively, this is not fair on you. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): This girl is really messed up in the head. She is not going to snap out of it because she needs psychological help. She may have had a bad upbringing, it is hard to say , but you sound like a nice guy and you definately deserve better treatment than this. There are an abundance of nice women out there that will treat you like gold, go get one!
Someone explained it to me this way : don't be busy kissing the frog when prince charming walks by :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): No sweety, she doesn't care enough for you. Break up for good. She's a player and she is playing games. I am sorry to say that. Why have you wasted 3 years on this female?? Why all these chances with her?? I think you should be pursuing a more healthier relationship with someone who doesn't pick you up and drop you, whenever she feels the urge. If she is taking chances like this and is willing to lose you, then play the 'games'...she doesn't love you. And let's not forget how huge trust issues are predominating in this situation, glaringly. She is untrustworthy to be doing this to you, continually. You may always wonder about her true character. The only path to your happiness will come from making right choices. I think it's time for you to try very hard to stop loving her, build your strength and self esteem...say a final goodbye and then give yourself time to heal and recover. It will be hard, but face the pain and get out there and free yourself from this hold she has on you. Take care, hun
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (5 July 2008):
 Hi there, Have you ever heard of the phrase, "toying with my emotions"? This lady is having the time of her life, going from man to man, getting what she can from all, while stringing them all along. She loves the game, she is not going to commit to anyone, in fact I don't think it is in her character to do that. You said it best, when you said you wanted a healthy relationship. She does not, it is more exciting for her, the way she is playing it, she does not really know what true love is, beyond that she is not interested in it. If you knew more about her family life, not to play arm chair psychologist here, but then to, you may find out, that her father, may have cheated on her mother, and she is paying him back, in her mind for what he did to her mother, by manipulating all of you guys. Now, if you want to be a party to this game playing, then I wish you well. She is going to need therapy, before she can even began, to come to grips with what is a problem. For one thing she thinks it is all very fine. And well it may be, people, have sex and are in relationships, for all kinds of reasons. Willing and adult participants, as they are. You must decide, I can tell that you care for her, and you want her to care for you. As for me, if I were you, I would set her free, do not allow her to pull you back in, with sexual seduction, it is going to get old. You can be strong, if you want to. How do you take it, knowing she is doing whatever with whomever. That would drive me nuts, especially with what is going on in today's
world regarding health matters. She really wants to be a free spirit, let her. Respect yourself and your value system, sometimes as they say, love is not enough. Take care of yourself and good luck. Stay in touch.
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A
female
reader, !Candice16! +, writes (5 July 2008):
 OK , it sounds like she is playing a game. Like cat and mouse. But also that she has at least some type of feelings for you. Talking to he obviously has no effect. So basically try to wait at least a month to see if there is any pattern to what she is doing. Don't get too involved though , you don't want to have any regrets. Why don't you invite her for coffee and try to seriously talk to her. Don't give in to seducing!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T!! If she does then say " I'm sorry but I focus on more important things in a relationship than sex. I have to go".That should get the point across. This helped someone else. Good Luck !!!!!!!!!! $$$:-)
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