A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Advice needed please!I met this girl a couple of months ago on a night out with friends, we hit it off straight away, swapped numbers and had a really good time that night. We started dating soon after and are going steady now. Everything has been really great and from the moment I met her I knew she was the one for me.The only problem is now she has just confessed to me that on the first night we met she met up with her ex later that night on her way home and went back to his and slept with him that night.Now I'm not sure how to feel about that, she said she doesn't want anything to do with him and that she made a mistake but I don't feel very good about it. Technically she didn't cheat on me as we weren't 'exclusive' at the time but it feels like she did. It's making me question our relationship now and if I can trust her fully.Am I overreacting in being so annoyed about this and what is the best way to get past it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2013): I can appreciate the hopeful advice most everyone else here has given, but from my personal experience, I say that it makes perfect sense to be weary of this girl. She was obviously not over her ex if she was still sleeping with him.I was in a similar situation not too long ago and the really messed up thing is that this woman knew how much I liked her. We would hang out and have a great time together, and then she would go sleep with her ex who was just using her for sex. She would inevitably come back to cry on my shoulder. I ended up moving away some time later and she got pretty upset because she "really liked me" and "saw us being together."All I can say is be careful. If this happens again it's advisable to cut your losses and walk away. There's nothing to salvage and it's not worth the pain.
A
male
reader, GentleGiant  +, writes (28 September 2013):
I have to kind of agree with some of your concerns. I too would question the hook up with the ex boyfriend. What if she has a dozen of them all over the place? With std s exploding in North America, one has to be careful. But beyond that, I have a successful relationship of four years but never did my girlfriend confess that she shagged a buddy or hook up when out drinking with the girls. Normally a woman never willing a freely brings the x files up especially if you two hit it off really well. Why did she not just stay with you to continue to cement this new relationship. That action made more sense than her explanation of a hookup with an ex. I believe that she is trying to hide something else and isn't quite sure of your reaction. My fellow aunts would say that really doesn't matter and the fact that she told you what she did puts her up beyond approach. Sorry I don't buy that bullshit story either. Change the position and put yourself in the mode of meeting somebody great thinks click, you do your stuff why would you run off and hook up with a supposed ex. It does not make sense does it? Certainly not my friend. She must of known she was seeing her ex it appears planned. She freely volunteered the information so I believe you have a right to question her actions if you feel bothered. And I do not buy the story of questioning her past. It was not the past. When she finished you she went right after the ex, where did he pop out from? Come on, this is not the past but present. Let me tell you one last thing. Research by prominent United States Universities find that the relationship between the number of sexual partners by women reduces her chances of cementing a successful relationship and settling down. Another interesting fact that the feminists really hate is that even though men may sleep with more than a dozen sexual partners women who do are not regarded highly there after words. There is still the negative image that falls against women. That is why many and most women who have had over ten to twelve sexual relationships with men since puberty are not held in high regard. If you tried to ask this woman you might develop a relationship with about her partners she would most definitely just lie. Face nobody wants to marry the town bicycle or let alone take her home to meet mom and dad. Its not right but until society takes the moral compass away from women they are going to be expected to be just a little smarter with whom and how many men they are intimate with. Its not fair but that this kind of what is going on right now. My advise to you is to steer away from any woman who wants to explain her sexual actions to you when you barely know her. Do you get my point? I hope you do. Good-luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2013): I appreciate your answers guys. You all seem to think I'm overreacting and that it should be nothing to worry about. I guess deep down I kinda know that but it's good to get a second opinion. Thanks!
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A
male
reader, Eng_vice  +, writes (27 September 2013):
You are over reacting. Sex sometimes just happens because people want it to happen. Don't doubt this woman just because she did so before you were involved - it doesn't mean she is still committed to that guy.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (27 September 2013):
 I think you're overreacting. I was in your girlfriend's shoes at one time. At the time when I met him, we hit it off, but I did not know if he was going to call me again or if we were going to have a future or not. When he and I became serious, I had no feelings for anyone else. I loved him with all my heart, and I suspect your gf feels this way about you.
I think it's admirable that she was honest with you about it. It shows her level of commitment to you and she's making sure that there are no secrets waiting to damage what she probably considers a great relationship. You should count yourself lucky that you have a gf that values honesty.
Stop worrying and enjoy the rest of your life together:)
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (27 September 2013):
 Sorry, my paragraphs got jumbled. I was trying to say I'd been in your shoes before. That my gf now went home with someone the first night we met. Bit I know she's all mine now. anyway, sorry for the jumble.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (27 September 2013):
You are definitely over reacting, my friend. As you said, you two were in no way exclusive at that moment. You had just been two strangers in a bar who exchanged numbers. She would have had no way of fast-forwarding to the future and knowing that you would wind up being her long-term, committed boyfriend. so in her eyes, she was probably just drunk and bored and the ex was an easy solution cause she knew there were no strings attached. And she didn't want to go home with you (which I'm certain she would have preferred) because she actually liked you and wanted to get to know you! That would potentially ruin things.
I've got tons of female friends who get drunk and call exes just because. It means nothing and is no insult to you at all. Now had you been seeing each other for a while and then this happened, my opinion would be completely different.
Don't ruin a good relationship over something so trivial. Because honestly, that's what it is. Your pride and ego is damaged and you're letting it get in the way of something wonderful. This women adores you. Don't throw it away over something that ultimately doesn't matter now. Shortly there after, we began getting to know each other and really hit it off. So I've been in your shoes. never once did her hooking up with someone else matter. Because she is with me now. And completely 100% mine.
Just cut your gf some slack. enjoy being together :) good luck k.
For the record, the first night I met the girl I'm seeing now, she went home with someone else and hooked up with them.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 September 2013):
On the first night you met you had zero commitment with her. You guys weren't even dating. So her sleeping with him was okay and had nothing to do with you, and is also not even remotely an accurate indicator of whether or not she'll end up cheated.
It does, however, indicate a desire to be honest....
Which, all that having been said, makes me wonder why she'd feel the need to tell you all of that. If what she says is true, I don't think it required a confession.
My worry is that people sometimes feel guilty about something that they can't tell you about, so they start apologizing for other things to make up for it. But since I don't know her I can't help you with that part.
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