A
female
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anonymous
writes:I have been with my current bf since the first of July 06. We live together and things were going so good, that is until these phone calls started coming in. There is a caller ID and also an answering machine for messages. Well, this female voice was on the machine saying hey are you there? Bf told me that he didn't know who it was and not to answer it.Then the calls came with more frequency. Some of the messages were like: "Hey, Dan (not his real name) I need you please call". The one that really bothered me somewhat was "Hey Dan, where are you...I waited for you all weekend! Please call me" She never did state her name on the phone not until later on...that is when she got a temporary job at where he works. She called twice after that.He told me that she is his friend's niece and not to be too worried. But he Never returned her calls.Well, he had to pick up a friend of his to work at the same place.After he left the house, the phone rang. It was his friend asking if he left yet. I told him yes....but then I asked his friend who was this woman that kept calling. I told him her name, and I said who is she. "Oh that's Dan's ex gf!!!" I just about died when I heard that!!!Later on when he returned home, I acted like nothing was wrong. I even cooked him a wonderful meal. Then he told me that his friend confronted him about what was going on.He assured me that she wants him back. He said that there is no way...she is a liar and cheat. He told me that she won't take no for an answer!! The phone calls stopped nov 30th. That is until the day after Christmas!!! I recognized the phone no# on the caller id.....but didn't leave a message. Next time I am answering it!!What do you think I should do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006): Well words are all nice and have obviously had the desired effect but still...actions are required to inject some much deserved honesty in this relationship to get your faith and trust in his reliability back to a strong level.'
Time will tell so in the meantime...
Counselling.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey thanks everyone for your input!! Well, I kinda forgot to say that he told my mother that he wanted to meet the rest of my family, and that she will have a new son-in-law by this summer. My mother was very pleased to hear that, because she really likes him. I am so pleased to hear that, because she did not like my ex bf. So he has told me that he wants more than just gf/bf. If I do meet his ex-gf by chance, I would be nice to her. I don't fight with anyone because I am not that way. I don't like being nasty and mean. I'd rather make friends not enemies! But anyway I will keep you all posted on what happens! Thanks again!!! Hugs
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006): Don't take this time seize an oppurtunity to attack another Aunt.
Very rarely will I go at someone and use their name unless I was first accosted.
Just work on stating your side of things.
That whole pointing fingers and taking the time to say you disagree...confrontational and will cause friction and turmoil and let's just all work to keep that crap to a minimum.
Please and thank you.
Irish still gives KICK ASS advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006): I think Irish is a little quick to judge, based on what the messages are saying, and your boyfriend has not been forthcoming as to who she was right away with you (and why would he do this if he did not want to talk to her or see her)and what reason would she have after all this time to leave messages that were for the purpose of playingn a game....they have been talking, not to say that he is the one who contacted her first, but they have been in communication at least, and possibly he has not told her that he is living with you because if she knew that she would be more discreet about calling him perhaps.
Don't treat her like she is a psycho and call the police, she was his ex and deserves some modicum of respect and they are now co-workers so why cause any undo stress there, just leave her alone, talk to your boyfriend and ask him what is going on with her and doesn't she know about you and see what he does....tell him that of course you don't like getting her calls at your home....but like I asked why are you living with him? Did he formally ask you to move in? Are you engaged, do you have plans to be?
Or are you just the live in maid, cook and sex partner, I don't mean to be blunt, but my first thought was are you two really serious about each other or just a shack up?
Because why does she not know about you if the two of you are in a serious relationship? He should have told her about you....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006): Do not totally blame the girl in this case. Somehow...some way she has been getting some encouragement to keep calling. If I were you I would sit down with this chap and talk...and proceed with caution my dear.
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (31 December 2006):
 I think he has maybe be a little 'economical' with the truth. Maybe the ex-GF is persuing him, but he sure as hell is enjoying it!!
Answer the phone next time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): How many times does it take Malyce to post a post that gives a message Oops...something went wrong before she says screw it?
ONE...TWO...THREE. *bwwahahahahhaaaahhahaha*
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): Hang on.
He hid the fact that the woman calling was and EX GF and they also had a code worked out by her calling and asking for Dan. That isn't good. That was a two team effort.
Hiding, concealing, misleading, downplaying, omitting...this was all done by guess who...your BF.
There is more going on as why wouldn't he just do what was right and be forthright about the whole deal.
His words it is nothing and you should have no fear are contrary to his actions.
The trust is compromised.
YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP
Irish is right by asking him to place a call and making it short and tell her he doesn't want anything to do with her and GOODBYE.
Change your home number.
Then...he needs to do his part in making his words become truth that he wants nothing to do with her. It gets messy because she works where he works.
Get some couple's counselling PRONTO.
Then forgive him.
It is going to take some time to heal and for the BF to prove he is a trustworthy individual.
Best Wishes.
*hugs*
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): Hang on.
He hid the fact that the woman calling was and EX GF and they also had a code worked out by her calling and asking for Dan. That isn't good. That was a two team effort.
Hiding, concealing, misleading, downplaying, omitting...this was all done by guess who...your BF.
There is more going on as why wouldn't he just do what was right and be forthright about the whole deal.
His words it is nothing and you should have no fear are contrary to his actions.
The trust is compromised.
YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP
Irish is right by asking him to place a call and making it short and tell her he doesn't want anything to do with her and GOODBYE.
Change your home number.
Then...he needs to do his part in making his words become truth that he wants nothing to do with her. It gets messy because she works where he works.
Get some couple's counselling PRONTO.
Then forgive him.
It is going to take some time to heal and for the BF to prove he is a trustworthy individual.
Best Wishes.
*hugs*
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): Hang on.
He hide the fact the woman calling was and EX GF and they also had a code worked out by her calling and asking for Dan. That isn't good.
Hiding, concealing, misleading, downplaying, omitting...this was all done by guess who...your BF.
There is more going on as why wouldn't he just do what was right and be forthright about the whole deal.
His words it is nothing and you should have no fear are contrary to his actions.
The trust is compromised.
YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP
I say ask him to change your home number. Also Irish is right by asking him to place a call and making it short and tell her he doesn't want anything to do with her and GOODBYE.
Then...he needs to do it. It gets messy because she works where he works.
Get some couple's counselling PRONTO.
Then forgive him.
It is going to take some time to heal and for the BF to prove he is a trustworthy individual.
Best Wishes.
*hugs*
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): Firstly, you don't confront your bf over this ex gf. You discuss, maturely and lovingly. You both come with a plan to dealing with her. One thing for certain..you do not call her nor do you take her calls. Your bf needs to be the one to tell her-to leave you and him alone. He needs to do this with you standing right there beside him. It has to be made it short, simple and to the point. Done-over.
So you need to be confident here. Your bf has assured you--she means nothing to him. He obviously has detached, has long since moved on into a new, happy life with you. Believe him and you need to detach from what she is trying to do. Judging from what you posted about her messages, she obviously has something to tell him. If you think for sure she is doing this to interfere, (which is likely) treat her like he does. Don't answer her calls or play her little game. She will eventually give up. If you, yourself-answers her calls, that will set you up for a possible negative confrontation with her. We don't know her story but it's highly likely she's bitter/lonely and has no one. She's inflicting her negativity into your life. Stop her dead in her tracks by-ignore her! Treat like a fly on the wall-a minor nuisance. The more you play into her bitterness and her sense of entitlement (to interfere) the more she will call.
If all else fails and she still calls, realize you are dealing with a deluded, bitter woman. I would suggest if she keeps calling, to call your telephone provider and have your number changed and unlisted. If that doesn't stop her, call the police and report her for harrassment. You and you bf have the 'right' to live your life in peace without some crazy, dame calling night and day. Take a stand and be strong. Be careful whom you give the new number to and make it clear, this ex gf is not to get that new number.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): I don't think you should answer the phone when she calls, I don't think you should deal with her at all, but just with your boyfriend...and why are you living with him? You have been with him less than a year, are you engaged?
In my opinion living together before marriage is a bad idea, statistics done by the psychological community show that 75% of all living together arrangements that end in marriage end in divorce which is 25% higher than non-living together living arrangements, this does not include engaged couples who move in together about a month before the wedding in order to combine households.
Also, you may have set yourself up for the disappointment of finding yourself in a pseudo committed relationship, one out of convenience rather than true bonding and committment, your boyfriend has a good deal out of this arrangement, but what is in it for you other than a false sense of security? Has he asked you to marry him?
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