A
female
age
51-59,
*esperatleylonely
writes:I am 45 years of age divorced, I met this most wonderful young man but he is 22 years of age although he looks like about 30 he is very mature and intelligent much more than some men my age ,he started flirting with me at work which was very obvious to my co workers I fell madly in love with him as he made me feel young and attractive again he made me found a new me ! But when i confronted him he denied flirting with me but he then he still continued to do it he makes me feel special .I love him sooooo much tooooo much it hurts ohh we have not had and physical contact .H still continue to stare at meHis mom and i became friends so that makes it more difficult for me but I cant stop thinking about him evry breath I take has his name on it HelP me Please !A male friend told me that he is confused between his youth and an older woman what do you think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2012): I understand fully how you feel. I was 'courted' relentlessly for 12 months by a man who is 21 I am 50. Eventually I gave in and we slept together 3 times. His interest suddenly dropped off and it has devastated me. Worst of all we work together and his mother is one of my friends. I now feel ashamed which has made me feel more lonely, vulnerable and desperate than ever before. I don't blame him as I was a willing party. I really wish I hadn't done it as the relationship is now in tatters. I am struggling at work and feel tearful and full of self loathing. I am a single woman with a 14 year old daughter and I can't afford to leave my job. Nobody at work knows although everyone knew he had a crush on me. I am a senior nurse and he is a receptionist after dropping out of university. He is very articulate and intelligent and seems so much more mature than his peers. How many 21 year olds like muddy waters and martin harley!!! This I realise doesn't negate the fact that he is barely out of adolescence and was probably using me. I feel like a foolish old woman trying to hang on to the last tenacious threads of youth. My advise to you is to keep your dignity intact, don't sleep with this young man or even pretend that there is a chance of romance. You are vulnerable and perhaps a little naive as I was. It's tough love but keep your sense of self worth it's a priceless gift.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2012): i too am just reciently divorced being left for someone younger than myself. and i am your age. this guy made you feel attratictive, cause you felt unattractive after you divorce. dont do this to this young man, you may feel like you love him but he could just end up being a rebound, and you would hurt him. plus i agree with everyone on the child bearing issue. he is young and is going to want children. my ex and i hooked up when we were in our late 20, i could not have any children because of issues and we talked about it he said he didnt want any, so we dated and got married, now at 48 years old he is with a 24 year old and they are going to have a baby. so please if you want to hook up and he does too just make it a friends with benifits type thing. i just dont see him staying with you. im sorry. but on the bright side if he is looking, so are others. get out there and strut your stuff, you still got it so give others a chance as well.good luck to you and be happy
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 November 2012):
 I agree that your screen name says a lot about why you are so attached to this younger man.
I have no problem with older women and younger men at a certain point, my husband is 13 years younger than I am but:
he's already 39 and does NOT want children.
to further complicate this you are friends with his mom. I could not date a man who I was friends with his mom before he and I were a couple.... that's a bit too predatory for me.
My husband is closer in age to my kids than to me (I had them young) and yet he's not friends with them although he and my younger son get along great and they are friendly they don't spend time together without me, it just feels weird to them. But since they met after my husband and I were seriously involved already I would have no problem with it.
Part of the issue is this: he's very young he probably wants to eventually marry and have children and honey you are not the woman that can do that for him no matter how much you want to think you can.
So while he may think you are a lovely attractive thing, and maybe he'll have a fling with you, it will never go anywhere (most likely) and he will leave you for someone younger who can bear children.... again to me this is the biggest problem with age gap relationships with large gaps (over a generation)....
So you say you LOVE him so much. IF you love him so much you want him to be happy and have everything he wants.... if he wants a wife and a family and kids YOU can't give that to him... so you must let him go so he can be happy.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 November 2012):
Well I'm dating an older woman, so I know the fun that you can have! I also know that it can work (I've been seeing her for 3 1/2 years).
But...it's true that we both fancied each other, and that neither of us was 'desperately lonely'. So I'm inclined to agree with the post below. Rather than fancying him, you might just be a bit infatuated with a young guy who has made you realise that you're still perfectly attractive!
I would say that what you need to do is think about whether you do really love him, or whether you're grabbing out to the nearest man who's made your head turn a bit. If you are just a bit infatuated with him, then slow down and get back out there and meet other men.
If you are very sure that you do love him, or fancy him, then maybe have a chat with him and see if he'd like to go out with you some time just for a drink. Maybe by taking the lead a little, you'll really see how he feels.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 November 2012):
 I think your choice of "handle" ("desparatelylonely") is key to your infatuation with this young man.....
Sure, you are single, divorced and by yourself... AND receiving attentions from a hunky young guy is flattering... but please balance that with you state of mind.... and whether or not you would find this young man so enticing if YOUR circumstances were different....
There's nothing inherently WRONG with two people of any ages (any age difference) matching up.... Just be certain that such a match-up is for appropriate reasons...
Good luck....
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