A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear AllI am in a relationship that is turning a year, but I feel like we have not at all grown closely. I always feel like our relationship has not developed emotionally but time really flies. I oo not get the emotional boost I hope for. I need to have someone who really considers my feelings and will be confident and not become defensive everytime I try to raise something.We see each other more often we chat,talk but its very rare of my boyfriend to express to me how he really feels. If I try to make him to express he always take it as if im complaining or am asking too much or rather insecure.We have had serious fights before... well we were in a power struggle two months ago and we have now resolved those issues... Even though I feel like we have were resolved them, I think there is a clash in our characters. He is Virgo and im a gemini. If I get him to open up about anything I do not get an answer. I have come to a point where I think maybe I shud just be Laissez-faire, but you know in relationships that doesnt really work....I no longer ask or complain about anything but that is really killing me inside. He is not someone I can share my pain or struggles with as he gets judgemental. He also doesnt share anything personal with me, if I ask him if he is finehe never opens up even though its so evident that something is not rightI have been having thots that I do not see this relationship leading to marriage at all. If I can want to get married to him we need to have been dating for longer...He has now moved to another city (an hour's drive) but we see each other every weekend. We used to see each other almost daily while he was around, but the connection has always been a problem. People see us as deeply in love because we are together all the time but I do not feel like im in a loving relationship.Another thing is that he has not been working for 7 months and he recently got a job which doesnt make much difference in his life. He is more broke than when he was working. He was living in debt and he now has to pay off all his debt.Me on the other side is well off. I have my own car and a house. Most of the times I realised I was the one calling him often as he doesnt have money to buy airtime most times. I recently had a talk with him asking him to at least be the one to call. He did listen and he is trying to at least call me, but felt like I complain cause I would want him to call more often. Now im trying to make him lead, I believe he shud be the one making first moves, suggestions and just keeping things alive. On my side, because of fear of rejection. I am planning not to call him this week onwards. I want to just go cold on him so if the relationship fails so be it. I do not wanna be the one openning up, making suggestions, or asking anything from him.As a woman I have expectations, but the more we are together the more I doubt we will ever be too close. Please assist
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (21 April 2008):
 Hi, I really think you have answered your own questions. You are not receiving, what you need from this relationship, to put it bluntly. You both may care a lot for each other, but as someone said, sometimes love is not enough. You are talkative, he is reticent, you want a more emotional connection, he seems satisfied, you have to keep telling him what you need, he seems disinterested or unconcerned, as he may think he is giving you what he can. So that may well be the problem, some of us need more than what the person we are involved with, has to give. He does not appear to be very much into intimacy with his partner, maybe that is a problem for him. If, and it does seem that it is, you need more than he can give, without you always pulling and pushing, then it is best to let him know that the relationship is not working for you. Let it go, as you stated, if you have to prop everything up now, you will have to do that forever, that's a burden, and not what a healthy relationship should be. Fly free and try to find a more mutually rewarding relationship. You will find someone more compatible, and you will be happier. Many good wishes to you.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 April 2008):
 I am sorry , I think you both are incompatible for each other.
This is a very difficult relationship unless you are happy to
reverse roles with him. You being the man and he being the househusband.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): In any successful relationship, both people have to contribute equally to that relationship. I don't necessarily mean financially, but in terms of effort, love, chores, commitment and anything else you care to name.
If he's not pulling his weight it means you have to do it for him and you're obviously resenting that. Tell him where he's going wrong, because men can't see things like that no matter how hard they look. Spell it out to him if you have to. If you don't get a suitable response, perhaps you should move on and find someone more in tune with you if things don't improve within a couple of months.
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