A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm completely confused. I need help figuing out what I want. It's been 7 months since I've been in a relationship and had sex. Which isn't long I know but I've got a high sex drive and I'm very hormonal.. I'm 23 and completely sexually frustrated and delt with it for months. I wouldn't dream of having a one night stand (not for me).I go out and make an effort to meet new people and get a lot of guys come on to me but I can't help but think they are arseholes for one reason for another. and I think it's disrespect. I take everyone's advice and understand it may be the vibes I put out there, therefore I read a lot of self help books to give me extra confidence and forget about guys and enjoy myself which is what I've always done... But I admit it's been harder since I can't take the sexual tension. It seems to be becoming a vicious circle.. The more time I go being frustrated, the more arseholes I attract and the more depressed I get.How can I overcome this?! I just want to find someone I fancy that won't disrespect me! I don't understand as I am quite reserved and dress very decent, wonanly yet relaxed vibes... Easy to get along with, attracttive, approachable! What am I doing wrong? Should I lower my standards? Give these 'arseholes' a chance? I dont want to get hurt it's happened once before, I won't let it again. I understand if you can't help me! Totally confused!!
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confidence, depressed, one night stand, sex drive, sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2014): Seriously though..... it really would be useful if you could elaborate on the "arseholishness" you have experienced. Otherwise it makes it really hard to advise you if you should "give these guys a chance" or carry on dumping.I mean, if you said that these guys constantly hassled you for sex or stood you up or belittled you in front of their friends or hit you or stole you money - then all the aunts would say "steer clear".If you feel that a guy is an arsehole because he takes half an hour to respond to a message, only puts two kisses instead of 3 after a text, only bought you a card and flowers for valentines and only makes time for you 3 evenings a week - then some of the aunties might say that you'd set you standards too high.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2014): Yeah I don't see where the assholes thing comes from. I mean if you're meeting them in clubs and pubs then sure, most guys like that even if they're nice guys will come across as drunken assholes.
OP you stink of desperation, you may think you hide it well but you don't. We can sense it. And only assholes go for desperate women. I mean you can tell intuitively when a guy is desperate can't you? Well so can we.
It's not about standards either, there is no lowering of standards if you don't want to date a guy you just know you won't like. You can't date someone in that way just because of your desperation.
OP you've made this too important and you need to change your attitude. Yeah it's been a while but you are getting approached so I don't know where your confidence comes into this. Assholes and guys you're not interested in still count and you should still take pride in the fact you're desired by men but just haven't found the right one yet. I mean if you weren't getting any attention at all I'd understand why you'd maybe feel a little deflated but you get plenty but are a bit too picky to count those guys. Which is a pretty weird thing that most women have. Complain about never getting any attention yet get approached all the time. If I was getting approached all the time even by assholes my confidence would be through the roof.
Get yourself a great vibrator, OP and release some of the tension. I mean when I was younger I used to have tactical wanks before going out. It really does make relaxing a lot easier when out, you may even find the assholes you think approach you aren't all that bad when you're not as sexually frustrated. Do try and lower the importance of all this though, OP, dating and sex are bonuses not necessities. Desperate people end up making mistakes and you will falter some time and end up in a situation you really didn't think you would because you let it get the better of you. Get rid of the self-help books, they're only reinforcing the idea that's something's wrong when it really isn't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2014): What makes you believe that they disrespect you?
and what makes you think they are all arseholes. What were the circumstances of your previous relationship breaking down?. Is it possible that this is the reason that you dont feel respected.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 February 2014):
 Should you lower your standards? It depends on your standards. But in general, no, you shouldn't.
Have you tried to go out and NOT be looking for your next BF, just go out and have fun with friends?
How exactly are these guys disrespecting you?
And secondly, WHERE do you met all these arse-holes? Perhaps trying something new, like taking a class (a hobby for instance). Rather then at the pub or nightclub.
As for the sexual tension, well there is always masturbation to take the edge off. No need to casual sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2014): Should you give the arseholes a chance? It really depends on what kind of behaviours they displayed to make you think they were aresholes?Otherwise my advice is to say no to them...
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