A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:sorry for the long post but gotta put from the start...i met my wife in august of 2012,she was 23 i was 28 she was a co-worker and from the moment i meet her i was just consumed by her never got tired of being around her and hated when our shift would end but always looked forward for the next work day cause that meant id see her.we became good friends over just a few short months and i felt feelings for her that i had never felt before id find myself thinking of her when i was i home or out fishing with my 2 kids wondering if they would enjoy being around her.then we got to know each others lives a little more in depth she told me how shes been in and out of alot of relationships and how her current boyfriend she had treated her(which she had left her fiance for).she knew it was just me and my kids and there mother was in and out of there life basically when ever it was convinet for her...one day we started talking about how we felt about each other which she told me she couldn't stop thinking about me i felt the same,i was the shoulder she always cried on when her boyfriend treated her like something he stepped on or threatend to beat her,i told her all she had to do was call id go to town show him what a beating was pack her stuff and get her away from that life,this went on for months her telling me she was done with him she was leaving him but it never happened i got a call from her in middle of night telling me she never wanted to speak to me again which 24hrs before she said she was ending it with him..that call gave me more pain then i had ever felt in my life completely killed me inside seeing her at work and her turning her back and walking away as if we dint even know each other. we started talking again couple weeks later said she just couldn't not talk to me,come january 2013 she left her boyfriend finally and we got together at this point i was already in love with her and had been for quite some time. we had fun together every time we went out couldn't stop thinking of her and the kids just loved her so she moved in. since then little things from her past keep coming whether it was people from 2 differnt towns warning me about her or her telling me messed up stuff from her past like it was no big deal. i dint like what she was telling me bout i was like whatever it's your past who doesn't have a past. i proposed and we married in november 2013, i had that gut feeling since day one there was something but ignored i loved her and wanted to be with her for ever.then i stared getting more text and emails from people i dint even know warning me of her and links to pics and videos of her with diff guys and i be mad then she'd tell me diff things then she did in the begging and the stories just kept getting worse she would spring on me outta of the blue. i just kept trying to look past its the past it dont matter, then a couple of months ago she told me how she never really used condems with anyone and she did partner swaps and that she had got a bactial vaginois (std) while she was with her last boyfriend but never had it checked out.which she never told me this the first time we had sex. she told this after we have been married for almost a year thats what upsets me some of those i would have rather not know cause it really bothers me that the woman i love also makes me feel sick to my stomach and i look at her as trash now and it kills me i dint what to know any of that crap leave it burried ,i do believe she should have told me about the bv up front so i could of worn a rubber since been doing research and her bv actually is starting to sound like a real std that not bv but possiable hiv /havent been tested yet..i dont know what to do anymore or how to feel a part of me wants to tell her thats were over but it would kill me not being with her.theres so many things shes lied about that the trust is gone and so many things i dint want to know..i dont sleep cant eat half the time and i feel betrayed and sickend which some of the stress of dealing with the kids mother don't help and i know the kids would be so upset if my wife and i spilt cause she stepped in and has been there since day one since there mother wasn't..of coarse theres way more but this is the majority..
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at work, co-worker, fiance, her past, hiv , moved in, std, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2014): Its not your responsibility to handle the truth after she lied to you just long enough to get married. If its too much of a problem then you should break up.
These trust and retro jealousy problems usually DO NOT get better with time. People like to tell you it will get better in time because everyone wishes it worked that way. The problem is it usually doesn't.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2014): first off you should have worn a condom in the first place safe sex,plus all that you had heard about her why wouldnt you, i can kinda understand that you were in love with her and had feelings for her you never felt and to you making love to her was probaley something very special to you, i dought this young lady felt any of that for you this young lady sounds like you were just the next one inline but she decided to stay cause u were safe or she was comfortable but i don't think thatll last,but u can't go off some ones word when they tell you they are clean. while some may consider bv not a std i feel it depends on how u came to have bv if she got it after being with the last boyfriend and was jumping around guy to guy,swapping partners and having unsafe sex and anal to vaginal use which is very dumb then pretty safe to say thats how it came about which is how u contract std's so in this case i feel he has every right to look at it as a std...are you exact or i guess is she sure that's all it is. has she had a full check out for stds some doctors they could just assume bv if they dint feel like running all test, but with this young woman's desturibing past of unsafe sex with a very large number of men i am assuming probley alot more then she'll ever admit, i fear that u could possibly have contracted something very serous, i suggest you get your self checked out completely then be done with her cause if she dint care enough to be truthful with you in the begging she has no care for your health or her own and never respected herself or had respect for u, so how could u ever trust someone like that,best of luck young man i hope u don't have anything and find yourself a nice girl who really cares for you and your health and respects u
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 August 2014):
 First off, a bacterial vaginosis is NOT an STD.
It's an bacterial infection in the vagina. Can be caused by many things, like OVER washing (douching), having MANY partners (the Ph value in the vagina is sensitive and semen can seriously much it up), smoking can cause it (yep, sounds odd but true) and people who go from "back door" to "front door" and bringing fecal matter into the vagina. So it's NOT a transmitted disease. SHE can not give YOU BV. However, she is/was at higher risk of contracting OTHER STD (including HIV).
Here read this link:
http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/tc/bacterial-vaginosis-topic-overview
Or this:
http://www.cdc.gov/std/bv/stdfact-bacterial-vaginosis.htm
However, her having been sexually ignorant, having MANY partners and NOT used protection would make me go get tested - FULL spectrum STD panel.
YOU should have used a rubber anyways. The rubber is for BOTH of yours protection. And you DIDN'T know her full sexual history, she didn't know yours either.
Get tested BOTH of you. Then decide if you can LIVE with her knowing that she didn't give a RATS ASS about your health.
Normally, I would inject that her past SHOULDN'T matter. All those things happened BEFORE she knew you. BEFORE you two met. She can not CHANGE any of those things. And her PAST sex life doesn't make her a "bad" person.
You seem to think that you "rescued" a poor little innocent damsel, and then you find out she was VERY sexually active before she met you.
BUT.. with that said, the fact that she chose to LIE rather the be honest with you. Hide things like the BV (again NOT a STD) and generally NOT CARING about her own AND your health would make ME walk away.
GET tested. Then decide what you want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2014): First both get tested for std and HIV and start from there. If she has changed and you are willing to stay with her then move to another city or town so no one will know her. Stop hearing anything from the past, I think life is more manageable in this way. If you just cant continue with her then get divorce and move on before you hurt your kids more by seperating them from her. Good luck ! It is not easy but I hope you can manage it.
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