A
female
age
26-29,
*ostinlove77
writes:Hi everyone!So I'm having a bit of a tough time recently. Ive been with my boyfriend for 10 months now after meeting at university and although it hasn't been plain sailing it has generally been very happy and loving relationship. However, after living with each other (and in each others pockets!) for 8 months we have spent the last 2 months living back at home and 2 1/2 hours away from each other (we are out of term time). The situation gets more annoying as we are on different time scales day-to-day; I have a 9-5:30 internship and he is enjoying summer relaxing before he starts his full time graduate job in september (ironically one day before I finish my internship!!). I will be returning back to university in October, closing the distance somewhat and although he will be just 45-60 mins away I will be at uni and he will be in full time work..Really recently he has also been away for 2 weeks on holiday and was un-contactable due to ridiculous wifi costs so I felt very lonely and lost.. I just couldn't wait for him to come and see me this weekend. However the weekend (it just passed) was very lacklustre and with miscommunication he left on Sunday night instead of Monday night (even though I had an extra day off due to a bank holiday he still left!!).We relaxed a lot which was very nice but he kept playing silly video games on his ipad A LOT which was insulting me (he is a very big gamer but can't that wait?!) I mean I know we were just doing nothing together; watching TV on the sofa but it was just annoying you know. I may also add here that he isn't the easiest person to get to socialise and sometimes comes across as moody and very typically 'useless boy-ish'.I bought it up with him today after a bit of a fall out yesterday and he seems to think all is fine, but I feel a bit put off and insulted by his attitude. He also is resistant to talking about thinks or 'making small things into a big deal'.. his words! It could be that I built him up whilst away to be this unrealistic 'perfect man' or that in getting so worked up about this weekend I didn't enjoy it due to the pressure I had put myself in but whatever happened something for me isn't working and I need some major advice. I feel like we are going in different directions and although I keep seeing pitfalls and problems in our relationship I just don't want to let go yet and I'm not sure what I would do without him/if I can even do it!! How can I get long-distance to work with a resistant boyfriend who thinks nothing is wrong?! How can I engage him into communicating more with me? Is it a lost cause, should I let go?! S.O.SThanks, A young girl lost and blaming herself!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2014): You're struggling to hang on and he's leaving all the work up to you.
You both require different things in a relationship.
He is distant and doesn't require a lot of feedback. You are out on a limb by yourself. Too afraid to let go. He doesn't seem to be reaching out to you. He says there's nothing wrong; because he doesn't want to have a row with you.
You will continue clawing for him; until you finally decide to let him go.
You say you can't imagine being without him? Read your post. Most of it is about being without him.
You can't rely on having someone always available to cling to. He's not a teddy bear. He doesn't respond to your pleas for his time and attention; so your heart and mind will finally give-up and let him go.
Get used to having some independence, give yourself some room to grow; without a guy to lean on. You have to take some time just to grow-up and fend for yourself as an adult single woman. Not needing a man to make her feel safe. You're not a little girl anymore, and you're delaying your growth and development as a woman, by being so dependent on having a guy around.
Venture out. Build yourself a circle of friends. Find some distractions from feeling needy and clingy. You spent most of your time apart pining for him. Then when he's around, it's like he's not there anyway. Hold on until your fingers get tired. You really need to concentrate on your education and career goals. You're too caught-up in having a relationship; and that is going to slow you down and you'll lose focus.
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