A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:The man I am in love with has just told me he's left his wife. I am so confused and don't know what to do. We are both married and I have worked things through with my partner - I'm still completely miserable but I guess that's normal when you give up something you love.I'm now in turmoil as the thing that I wanted most in the world has happened - just a couple of months too late. Do I stay where I am with a lovely man who adores me or go to the man I'm mad about and shatter everything my partner and I have been working on? I'm so miserable and shattered by the last few months and just don't have the energy to think at the moment.I'd really appreciate your thoughts. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, tony9777 +, writes (7 July 2008):
 hi - you say that this new man (alone) has shattered everything you and your husband have worked at - that can't be true as you've a responsibility to how things have transpired with this new man - if he's left his partner then unless you had a contract with him (which can always change) then why does that change things for you and your husband - the excitement of meeting a new man perhaps was a by-product of when your marriage was struggling - you've said that you've been working things out with your husband thus why does that have to change ?
focus on what you need from your husband for things to work out - if after time you realise that these needs cannot be met then you have an answer - the allure of ending for a man you've had an affair may be there but you risk everything you've worked at with your husband. this comes down to a choice not about this new man but about you and your husband - the noise of an another man was down to the fact that you'd not fully explored making your marriage work & it sounds like you're doing that and getting what you need - if this new man adores you then why can't you get that from your husband ?
ultimately only you know what's best - wish you well and be gentle with yourself as you work out whats best for yourself
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (7 July 2008):
 Hi,
only you really know. I don't think your marriage is the bed of roses you make it out to be if you are already having an affair with someone else.
Your marriage obviously deserves to be worked on , as the excitment and thrill of the lover will all change if you hook up. You'll be cleaning his undies, and picking up his dirty socks...its all a bit different from secret liasons and quicky sex in exotic places. You may not even be compatible.
But maybe your husband deserves better, if you can't commit to him its best to let him meet someone else who will commit to him.
good luck.
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