A
male
age
30-35,
*gmitch
writes:Hi there,There is guy I work with. He is such a great guy and I've really started to get on really well with him. But he said to me we could never go out because we work with each other. I kind of accepted this and moved on. He then got a boyfriend and I was so happy for him.That was until the other night, we were out together and we started speaking in private. We spoke about everything and I know now how I really feel for him. I love him. I used to really like him but now I love him to pieces, I've been thinking about him every second since and just want to be with him, even to just get a hug.But he told me something important that night. The reason he didn't want to go out with me is because he's got HIV. He said he could never ever put me in a situation where I'm a risk because he said he "likes me so much" and that "I deserve much better". I'm only the 2nd person he's told about this.After that night, I think I've fallin in love with him. I love him so much and knowing that I will never get with him and he's got this illness is heart wrenching. I think about him every second of every day and ways to make sure that he can enjoy the rest of his life.He said he hasnt told his boyfriend because he thinks he will flip out on him and break up. So I said to him that I'm always here for him if worse comes to worse and I will always make sure he's okay. I'm just trying to give him a lot of support cause I don't know how awful this is to go through without any support.But I just feel like I can't stand by and watch this happen to him. I don't know a lot about HIV but I'm just terrified that I could lose him and not do anything. He knows how I feel about him but I want to do so much more to help him.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Best source of advice on HIV/Aids in the UK is the Terrance Higgins Trust.http://www.tht.org.uk/Because of discrimination surrounding this condition, disclosure is very difficult. The Terrance Higgins Trust will help you if you feel the need to tell people about your illness. People who have HIV/AID's can live very well for years because of the combination drugs they are now given. It is no longer an automatic quick death sentence. He may live for another 30-40years, and even more as medical research gets better.. He's not gonna die right now.The worse thing to do, is to treat this guy as if he is an invalid or disabled. He has a job, he has a partner, he is living a quality life. He dosen't need you to pity him or treat him any differently.Please check on the Terrance Higgins Trust Website, they are absolutely brilliant and have the biggest resources on this subject in Europe. You can call and talk to any of their counsellors who will give you better information than anyone here is able to provide.Don't worry, he has a sickness, he maybe has to take medicine, and he won't live as long as you... maybe, maybe, maybe... treat him just the same, and just be a friend. Depending on how advanced the sickness is, he may have a low immune system, and therefore is in danger when people have colds and flu, and other infections that are easily passed around.You can only get infected if you share blood or bodily fluids, through needles, medical operations, sexual intercourse, or if you have a cut which the infected blood is able to get to.Yes, people with HIV/Aids can have sexual relationships, but condoms must always be worn. They can go to jail if they infect anyone through sexual activity.The biggest problem with the infection, is the isolation, the stigma, and the discrimination. That's why it's important for you not to worry, treat him normally as you did before. If he needs more from you, he will tell you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 These days having HIV is not an automatic death-sentence, if he sticks to his medical regiments he can live a full life like most others.
He really SHOULD tell his partner, the partner has a RIGHT to know. Not telling is not fair. Just like you SHOULD tell a partner about any and all STD's, except HIV is a LOT more scary then gonorrhea.
If I were you, and I had a friend with HIV I would read up on and become informed and support my friend.
http://www.kaletra.com/consumer_hiv_whatis.cfm?s_mcid=google&utm_source=google&utm_medium=ppc&utm_term=HIV&utm_content=sample&utm_campaign=About%20HIV
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HIV
http://www.hiv.com/
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Theres nothing you can do to help him other than what your already doing. Being there if he needs to talk.
He should really be telling this to his boyfriend who has a right to know.
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