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The Loved And Lost

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Friends, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 March 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 11 March 2009)
A male United States age 30-35, *trickenSaint writes:

Hi everyone. Im new here and I need some advice. Okay, here we go.

I am in love with a girl I have known for a while. We have been close friends ever since we met and the day I started having feelings for her I told her. She said she felt the same way so I asked her out and she accepted.

Here's the bad part. Come time for us to go out she said that she didnt think it would work out and that we should just stay friends. Honestly, I just stood there with a confused look on my face and asked her why she said this. She only told me that it was for the best.

The next day I called her and told her that I actually cried for the first time in years because of that. She said that she cried aswell. We still talk every now and then, every time I make it clear that I still love her. I know she still feels the same way but she just shuts me out. So this is my situation.

Any and all advice will be appreciated.

-StrickenSaint

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (11 March 2009):

k_c100 agony auntHow can you be in love with her if you were acutally never together? I'm afraid this sounds like another case of a teenager thinking they are in love when they have no idea of what love acutally is. Love can only come once you have been with someone for months/years, when you know that person inside an out.

You have been friends with her but never in a relationship, therefore you need to accept that this has just been a major crush/infatuation. This will help you get over her.

She is making no sense with her behaviour - one minute she likes you and wants to go out with you, the next she doesnt think it will work (but then she still cries about it). This girl clearly has no idea what she wants and she is just wasting your time. I suggest you accept that she just wants to be friends and move on. There is no point in waiting around in the hope she might change her mind, you need to get on with your life.

It wont be helping that you still tell her you love her, as this will be too much for her. Girls like guys to be a bit unavailable, they dont want a soppy guy who is always declaring their love for them. Give yourself some space from this girl, try and move on from her and find someone else that does actually want to be in a relationship and has more idea of what they want.

I hope this helps and good luck!

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (11 March 2009):

She just likes you as a friend hun, it's sad but that's the way it is.

All you can do it try to get over her.

Get out with your other friends, spend some time away from her, just try and accept that it won't happen and try not to be in love with her.

Tell her that you can't speak to her for a little bit as you need space.

Good Luck!! xx

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