A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am 41 and have had only a few relationships. I met an absolutely beautiful girl about 3 years ago, she is autistic, yet only on a small level. I connected with her immediately, which is unusual for an autistic person to do. I looked on the net to find out more about autism to learn more about her and our connection, only to find that I too am autistic, I had the tests to prove it as well, which is probably the reason behind my relationship shortfalls. I will call this girl M. I knew that we had very strong feelings for each other right from the start, I also knew that she had been savagely sexually abused from a very young age, and was put into foster care at 14. M told me at 15 that she wanted to be my wife. I freaked out at first, but then I realised how much she would need someone to be there for her on so many different levels, and I honestly believe that there would be nobody who would give her the love, care, protection, security and so much more than from someone she loves and trusts who loves her so unconditionally. M is now nearly 17, and yes I know that it is a legal issue. We hug hello and goodbye only, we dont even hold hands ok, so it's not a sexual thing, and I reckon if I even thought it she would probably run. Although I must say that I do find her extremely attractive and I tell her all the time. She has given me so much drive to want to live a long time to be around for her that I have gone from a lazy 130kg, to a very lean and fit 92kg so far. M loves my physique and asks me all the time what I have been eating to make sure I keep it up. We try to mix with others that we know from our church, but we always gravitate towards each other, we can talk about the silliest of things, or we can say nothing and just gaze into each others eyes. we have our own little pet names we call each other, we even have our own code language where we tell each other private nothings.We both love to sing, and we do it so well together that others stand in awe, and even break into tears. We hugas we part and slide our hands down each others arms all the way to our finger tips.We both absolutely love each other, no question. It is abvious to all who see us together. We have met with a little opposition from those who say I am some sort of sicko, but I am used of it. I have been like a big kid all of my life, I was told by my ex's to be more normal, to grow up. I did try so hard to do so, but I never could, I always found myself hanging around the youth, but it wasn't sexual, I am still friends with all the young people I know. Admittedly most of them are female, as the males saw me as opposition. I actually had a 15yo ask me to stop losing weight and getting buff, cause I was getting more attention from his girlfriend than he was 8-).So M wont be lacking with girls her age to socialise with should she choose to.I went from loving M to falling very deeply IN LOVE with her. I told her one day that I never wanted to marry. The look on her face was as though I just stabbed her in the heart. Then I finished the sentence with, unless it's to you. She proceeded to tell me that she was too young, I told her I knew that but I will wait until she was ready. She got so exited, then said yes I want to marry you too, when I am older. Hey, all I can say is that when it comes to love, real love, age is only a number. M could get with someone her age that beats her, cheats on her or even dies in a car accident the day after they marry.I could die young too, but what if I live till my 80s or 90s still fit and healthy from the life I feel when I am around M? I could give her 40-50 years of love and companionship. M when I show you this post, which I am sure to do, I want to say, even though I am very sure you feel it in your heart and already know, I LOVE YOU.
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female
reader, Leo1989  +, writes (24 December 2009):
 if i may add something here M is 16 so if you become sexual with her it wont be illegal. however if iam wrong and the leagl age is 18 in australia and you both become sexual before she is 18 please keep it very quiet as too many people out there in this world cannot leave others be and usually always want to stick there nose where it does not belong.unfortunately that is the way things are here in this world. not very nice or sweet.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (22 December 2009):
 I did a lecture on Older Men Dating Younger Women. You can listen to previews of the CDs at my website for free.
http://www.franktalks.com
The age gap between you two is not an issue.
I do see other issues though.
If you are both autistic there may be legal issues preventing the two of you from getting married. I did two summers work with adults with developmental challenges and part of my research was on the topic of law as it relates to the developmentally challenged. You must be aware that despite your love for each other, you may not have the right to marry if the tests you took prove that you, and or she may not be able to give consent. You need to see a lawyer specializing in family law, and find out if other countries have more lax laws for your situation.
Next, because she was still a minor when she decided she wanted to be with you AND because she is autistic, you could be in some trouble. If you helped "raise" her, and were influencing her to decide to be with you, you could be contributing to the delinquency of a minor. This is the same issue that is brought up when families are charged with raising children in cults, making them feel they have no choice in the matter. There are so many little things that you have written here that will make someone question your motives. Assuming you are honest and have integrity, there should be no issue with you checking with a legal authority in your area.
Finally, she could be latching on to you because she wanted an escape from a worse situation (it sounds like she had a rough childhood). This is very common with women who want to marry older men. It is safer for them. Be sure that her intentions to be with you are because she wants to be with you, and not an escape of her currently life. Sorry, but you could be misinterpreting the escape of a troubled youth for geunine affection.
-Frank
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (22 December 2009):
 I really hope you get nothing but support for this. I would pretty much hate to see anyone bad mouthing you because you fell inlove with someone who is very young. If you can wait, and there are people who do, there is absolutlely nothing wrong with this.
Personally you are in a better situation with "M" than my grandfather was with my grandmother. He is 25 years older than her and he pretty much fell head over heals inlove with her when she was 13 and waited for her. I mean she had no interest in him what so ever till she hit 21 and I can remember, before he became senile, him constantly repeating the story of hw he met her and how long he waited. How she would ignore him and at times be cold with him, but then all the waiting paid off and he finally got her attention and he married her.
Most people would think... omg a 38 year old falling for a 13 year old, but he truly did love her. Before he lost the ability to speak and had forgotten everyone, he still knew her name and would ask "where is Mertyl?" I remember just crying because I thought it was not only sad, but beautiful.
HonningKanin
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (22 December 2009):
I don't know if you are asking for advice? Anyway, if you are prepared to wait for her then there shouldnt be any problems. It sounds like you built a great friendship first and that's a wonderful way to start a relationship. Well' done for being such a gentleman to this sweet girl. In your case the age really is nothing but a number!!
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A
female
reader, Leo1989 +, writes (22 December 2009):
i have only one thing to say to this and that is you are a wonderful man and what you have said is nothing but true. my regards go out to you sir we need more people like you out there in the world. i hope you and M will be very happy together.
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