A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Iv been in a relationship for over a year and a half now and my boyfriend is a wonderful man,we both had a few bad relationships in the past and but really hurt,but the past few months he tells me he loves me and I have the whole of his heart but he keeps blowing hot and cold with me,bare in mind he is a workaholic and I only get to see him once maybe twice a week wen he comes down we and a great time he very loving and warm but as soon as he goes home he goes back to blowing hot and cold again, I just don't no what to do as I Absolutly in love with him and I have three kids to two ate from my last marriage and the third one is to him they love him to bits and call him dad and and I know he loves and adores them too I just need ur advice on what to do and how to deal with his mood swings, please help as I really do love this man with all my heart body and soul Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Marilissa75  +, writes (16 March 2014):
 So there are mood swings? That sounds unpleasant. If he is just working and gone a lot for work, that is one thing. It is puzzling that you have a child but he does not live with you. It does seem he is only able to commit only a third of his time to you. If you want more, you might discuss your concerns with him and see what he says. If he is noncommittal, you will have to decide if you want to be his mistress or concubine or move on. Some women will put up with that and some won't. You will have to decide how you want to live your life. The relationship you currently have is unconventional but what is important is your comfort level with it. It is good he supports the child. It is not good that you have to be lonely and confused. I hope things change for the better for you.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (15 March 2014):
 The only thing I can suggest is you sit down and talk to him next time he's there. Ask him why he is 'hot and cold', don't get emotional, just explain how your feeling as only he has the answers.
He sounds a great dad who lives up to his responsibilities. I hope you show your appreciation for his hard work and the way he spoils you all.
Also don't make him the focus of your life. Keep busy when he isn't around so you have a life away from him. I am sure the kids lives keep you busy especially if you work as well,but have some 'friends' time in the evening too, go for a meal or the cinema,have people over etc
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2014): Yes he does support her he spoils us all loads, we have spoken about moving in together but we need to work things out like his work and things,but it's the mood swings now I know he is defiantly faithful and I'm trying my best to be very understanding but sometimes I do wonder does he really love me or is he just with me for the kids. I'm just confused and don't know what else to do or were to turn
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 March 2014):
 I couldn't help but think of "Dr Jeckel and Mr Hyde" when I read your submittal.... There are really TWO issues; One, which you control, and one which you don't.
First; ...is WHY does this man display such inconsistent behaviour?????? Is his personality somewhat erratic? OR.... does he have other "interests" elsewhere? ... whereby, he finds you to be more of a nuisance than a partner/girlfriend when he is away from you?.... or (even a worse case) does he have a G/F and/or family at the other end of his travels? (not unheard-of!!!)... (You don't control this.)
Second; He's been pretty consistent in his behaviour, as far as I can tell, from your submittal. AND, that behaviour causes you stress.... YOU control this (your reactions to his behaviour).... and it would be fitting for you to sit him down and say: "You know, (his name here), I think I've been pretty good, and accomodating and patient about your being elsewhere much or most of the time.... AND, that living arrangement really IS a bit out of the mainstream, wouldn't you agree??? BUT, I'm getting a little tired of being an afterthought in your life... so I'm asking you to adjust your life to be closer to my life... and - if you choose not to do that - then I would like to change MY LIFE by NOT HAVING YOU IN IT."
That should stir a bit of thinking by him.... as to whether or not he really IS your "boyfriend".... or, is he just a "friend" ("with benefits," evidently)..... who is taking advantage of you...
Do you think you'd like to live as you do now for the indefinite future? If "yes," then do nothing....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2014): He has one foot in the world of fatherhood, and in another one he has a single-life.
He blows hot and cold; because he is conflicted. The closer you get, the more you are seeing marriage in your future. He may not be wild about becoming a husband, and instant-father of three. The hot and cold is to keep you off-balance.
When you start closing in, he pulls away. He's dodging being pulled into a more committed relationship with you. Telling you he loves you is obligatory. You do have a child together.
One minute he's full of loving words, he goes home; and he is a single-man again.
That is the dance of non-commitment.
He may be the love of "your" life. He just may not be that into you. A single-mother with three kids to cloth and feed.
Desperate to have a complete family-unit. Consisting of a mother, dad, and the three kids. The full-package may not be as appealing to him, as it is to you.
Don't set your hopes and dreams on this man. If the child was not planned, his only real connection in this drama is the fact he has legal-responsibility that he can't runaway from.
He loves his child, he wants to be with his child; but marriage may not be in the forecast for you. He isn't going to let you get that in your head. The more you cling, the more distant he will become.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (14 March 2014):
So even though you have a child with him, you do not live together ? Will this change soon?
As he lives elsewhere then does he pay child support?
You don't really give enough details. I am sure you do love him though. So if you could let us know more it would help.
Its easy to be loving and warm for 1 or 2 days a week, maybe his job is his focus when he is not with you, - its really hard to say with so little to go on.
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