A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What exactly is a 'distant cousin'? Here is my story. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year but we don't live together. Just him and his mother live together. Him and his mother have a close relationship with a woman who is a distant cousin of my boyfriend. Her and my boyfriend are both in their late 20's, and she really is a beautiful girl. She also stays the weekend and stays over night at their place sometimes. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this but I do find it a bit odd maybe. I've only been around her a few times, and I'm not saying anything weird is going on, but there can possibly be some sort of attraction between her and my boyfriend. They do have a lot in common and frequently spend time together. But do you think anything could possibly happen with them? I'm not sure exactly what a distant cousin is?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2014): Cousins can be great friends. Unless he is evasive when talking about her or when she is around, I don't see anything to worry about. You should get to know her too since she's part of the family.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2014): In my own personal experiences, distant cousins have constituted closer family bonds than my first cousins. There is a special type of hospitality and innocence that I've always felt with my cousins, which I believe your boyfriend's family traditionally honors and experiences, as well. Some of the best fun in life is had with cousins. This isn't because of wickedness or temptation, but quite the opposite.. the shear innocent fun that can stem from the close ties. When I remember times with my distant cousins, they almost seem to have an angelic feel to them. Even if your boyfriend's distant cousin is very beautiful, I can't see it affecting their family bond in a negative way.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (14 March 2014):
 "Tiffany! It's so cool to see you here this weekend! I know Nick's Mom and you are close. I'm *so* embarrassed to even to have to ask, I know I missed it somewhere, doh, they say you are a cousin! I want to know all of Nick's family and I'm *so* damn embarrassed to have to ask.
"So take pity on my parents and explain how you two are related? Thank you so much!"
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or
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"Nick, I am wondering about your family. You have your Mom, and Tiffany and and x and y and z…. I'm so confused…. could you please explain?"
I think you should go the direct route.
"Nick, i'm wondering about Tiffany. What is this 'distant cousin' label? I don't understand.."
If that's really too difficult
"Nick, I've been trying to explain to my family what Tiffany's relationship to you is. Could you please explain?"
Basically, ASK HIM!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2014): I know that there are a ton of creepy statistics about how some people have their first sexual encounter with a cousin, but chances are nothing is happening. He isn't a young teen just experimenting and he has her over while his mother is home. I couldn't imagine having sex in the same house my mother is sleeping in.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (14 March 2014):
 When growing up and into my teen years I was very close to some 'distant cousins' but we just referred to each other as cousin's, their father was my mother's cousin.
You boyfriend's mother I also close to this girl, you need to accept and respect that relationship, and if your boyfriend and his family member are also close, you need to respect that family tie as well.
Sure, something could possibly happen with them, I assume you refer to a sexual or romantic liaison, but just because something happening is possible it doesn't mean it will happen.
If you start voicing concerns to your boyfriend with nothing concrete to base these concerns on other than some sort of ignorant bias, it could change the way he relates to his cousin, which would be noticed by his mother, and she will then look for the cause of that change. You. Girlfriends who cause rifts in families are not often looked kindly upon.
So, unless you have some reason to doubt these family relationships are as they appear on the surface, rethink your thoughts on distant cousins, ask yourself if you would be as concerned if this family member was 50 or 5 instead of 20 and good looking? I guess if that was the case distant cousin or close cousin wouldn't make a difference, and you then need to decide if you are experiencing unfounded jealousy or self image issues which will need to be worked on.
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