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female
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*ggyzap
writes: When my boyfriend looks at porn I feel really betrayed and unsexy. I just had a baby and still have a lot of work to do on my body so I am very sensitive anyway, and it just hurts to think that I am not enough for him after what I have been through (pregnancy and child birth, and it is his baby).I know it's not because I'm lacking in the sex deparment because we have sex and I don't hold back. Whatever he wants and turns him on I try to do for him, so I don't know what the deal is, but I can't stand the thought of him looking at other women before he has sex with me. It is a big turn off and a lot of the time I don't enjoy the sex. Sometimes I just cry in the middle of sex, just thinking about him fantasising about other women. But I tell him I'm OK and let him finish and that's even if he asks if I'm OK. Is this just post partum shit or is there something wrong with me?
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female
reader, lisa_01  +, writes (21 November 2005):
 If you are getting hurt by this you have to tell him how you feel, i caught my boyfriend looking at porn once too and as soon as i found out i told him i didnt like it and it hurt my feelings and it made me feel less sexy and he understood and he said he was sorry for hurting my feelings and making me sad and ever since then he has not been looking at it. And if you do tell him about it and does continue to look at it and keep it from you then i would consider leaving him because he is not being honest and does not care how you feel.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (20 November 2005):
 You may well be emotional because of postpartum blues but mostly it is due to your boyfriend's antics and my heart goes out to you because many more women appear to be experiencing this problem.
Your boyfriend has a wonderful girlfriend-he is so lucky. You don't hold back when you are making love with him, you do whatever he wants in bed and to cap it all, you allow him to look at porn before making love with you which makes you feel, to put it bluntly, like s**t. If you want things to change, and I'm sure that you do, you've got to tell him how you feel!
Stop telling him that you're okay because you're not. Tell him the truth-he isn't a mind reader. What he is doing is so insensitive and it is up to you to let him know.
He must wonder why you are crying and perhaps even he puts it down to postnatal blues but it isn't only that. Most women would feel entirely put down and very put off by their man looking at porn before having sex with them. If you were watching it together, perhaps it would be different but this is so derogatory, demeaning and is bound to make you think the way you have been thinking. Explain this to him and ask him to stop. He should be taking time with you to whisper his feelings for you, how much he still finds you arousing, how proud he is of you, how much he loves you. It is time for him to give to you as you give to him. Relationships are about sharing; not one doing all the work.
Explain to him exactly how you are feeling and do it as soon as possible so that he can offer you reassurance and spend that quality time with you rather than looking at porn.
I really hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2005): Sorry to say, but what a complete jerk. How could he be so totally insensitive to you? I would honestly think about walking over this. If he doesnt care enough to realise that this is disgusting, disrespectful to you (and all women) and totally inconsiderate of the changes that you are going through he's not worth having.
I would confront him and ask him to justify why you should stay with a man who clearly send syou the message that you are not enough and he finds other women sexier??? (especially considering you just had his baby and should be the sexiest women in the world to him, no other women should even come close) Let your decision come after his answer.
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