A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what I want to do at this point. I think I may be pregnant with the guy I'm currently seeing. I feel like he's going on a downward spiral at the moment.He had a weekend out with the boys and he got really drunk and now he is getting buzzed with his boys for the second weekend in a row. His dad was an alcoholic and I don't want to see him turn into his dad. And I don't want to see our child having to go through what he went through. So I'm at a loss should I tell this I'm pregnant with his baby once I find out for sure that I am pregnant. Or should I keep it to myself and raise the baby without him? Getting an abortion or giving the baby up for adoption is the last thing I want to do. Actually I wouldn't do that it is cruel and unfair for the baby since it was our fault for bringing the baby into this world.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 March 2017):
 If his drinking is concerning you then leave him. But you do need to tell him if you are pregnant, as that would be cruel not hide a child from him, it would also not be fair to a child.
I think you may be over reacting, you are not even sure if you are pregnant yet so check that out first. But if you don't want to be with him then end it. Just because his dad was an alcoholic doesn't mean he is going to turn in to one.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2017): A very good question. I will share with you what I know.
First I am a recovering alcoholic. I was also raised by a single mom till age of four. From my experence with what you describe he may be on his way.
According to the latest research, they have all but proven that it can be hereditary. I had alcoholics on my mothers side of the family. This does not mean he is sure to become one but he is predisposed to becoming one.
Having said that, you should do a couple of things. Tell him you are expecting and that its time to grow up. Blowing off steam once or twice a year is ok but every weekend is a downward trend that will serve nether one of you well. Being drunk in the wrong place at the wrong time could be fatal to both of you. He could die and your child could lose their father.
If he straightens up now, you have a chance. Heavy drinking is usually a symptom of an underlying, un resolved issue. There are more things that I could go into but untill you figure out why he's doing what he's doing it would be senseless to prattle on.
He has to make a decesion based on your current situtation and stick to it. The first time he strays from that, I would consider that he can't control his drinking and I would leave him. I would not consider returning to him untill he could PROVE that he was straight at least a year.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 March 2017):
 Take a pregnancy test first of all. All these questions cant be answered on a "maybe".
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 March 2017):
If this drinking makes you NOT want to BE with him then END it, but you STILL have to let him know that you are pregnant (if you are) and that you intend to keep the child.
I think it could be a LITTLE too early to decide that he is an alcoholic. After all, it's 2 events where he drank. Maybe there IS a chance is COULD be one, it does tend to run in families - but it could also be that he let his hair down 2 weeks in a row.
When you consider the "drinking culture" of England (most of Europe, really), I don't find his behavior out of the "norm".
If you don't WANT to be with him or someone who gets drunk - end it.
And can you afford being a single mom?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2017): Is it just 2 weekends that have caused this concern? Alcoholism is much more than binge drinking once on a while, but I can see your concern if he cannot say no to a drink and this happens regularly.Firstly, I'm currently pregnant and say this as it's something I experienced very early on; my hormones were raging and I felt incredibly sensitive to everyone and everything. Actions that usually would not have bothered me either made me cry or annoyed me. So first consider whether you are reacting as you naturally would, or this is heightened because of the pregnancy.Secondly, he does have a right to know you're pregnant. This doesn't mean you have to stay with him. If, before you were pregnant, you weren't too sure on this guy suitability for you (let alone whether he would make a good father) then don't force the relationship for the sake of your child. If you were not happy with him then it's up to you what you do. Being pregnant might make him want to step up and grow up. The drinking might lower and if you wanted to work on the relationship you should suggest some couples counselling. Or you might decide things weren't ever great and you would rather bring the baby up alone. He will still have a responsibility to pay you child maintenance and should be keen to play a part in his child's life too. It sounds like you weren't planning a child at the moment, but you're ready to take on the responsibility by yourself. If this guy is generally a good partner to you, and you are simply concerned about his potential to become dependant on alcohol then you need to talk things through with him. Again, a counsellor could help as they can keep discussions calm and productive. He might not even know how worried you are and if he's a decent man, if he realises how worried you are he would curtail the drinking (and it's good for his health too).Take your time with your decisions and think things over, you could always speak to a trusted friend/family member and practise with them what you want to say.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 March 2017):
 Are you blowing things up out of all proportion because of his family history? I mean, a couple of week-ends getting bladdered with his mates does not make him an alcoholic. Most young men have done that at some point and got over it. Is there more to his drinking you have not mentioned? Is he drinking every night, for instance?
I have to ask why you chose to get pregnant by this man if you are so unsure of him. If it turns out you are NOT pregnant, use reliable contraception until such time as you are more sure of your partner.
If you ARE pregnant, then I feel he has a right to know. He is the baby's father. If nothing else, he will have a legal obligation to contribute towards the baby's upbringing.
Whether pregnant or not, you need to talk to him and tell him your fears. If he doesn't normally drink much, and this is a one-off two-week-end outing, then I think you are probably over-reacting. Don't punish him for what became of his father.
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