A
female
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51-59,
anonymous
writes:p />Please check out this post http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-could-he-hurt-me-by-watching-pornography.htmlI was trawling through the site the other day and found the question above. Everyone congratulated this girl jessica on getting over the fact that her bf watched porn, and she explained how she had gotten over it from a female point of view. The jury is still out for me on this one though and I just wanted your thoughts as every seems to have a very different opinion. I was like Jessica in that I found out my bf watches porn, and hated the idea of it. So, I've tried to understand and we have even introduced watching it, despite the fact that I was so anti porn in the beginning. By doing what Jessica has done, someone in the forum congratulated her for being so understanding of her bf's needs etc. I've done the same but it doesn't sit well with me. The reality is, I tried to understand from what all you guys were saying in that it's normal, all guys do it, they lie about it because they know how the women feels, especially if she has been vocal in her dislike of it at the beginning. I still don't buy this. There is so much on this site about guys watching porn but neglecting their partner's needs to effectively bang one out. That in my mind is completely fucked up. What scares me too from you views is that this is non negotiable. In other words, a guy would be prepared to sacrifice his marriage/partnership as he is unable to give up porn. Does that scare anyone cos it sure does me. That is even more fucked up in my view. That's what is scary - a guy places so much emphasis on porn and his "RIGHT" to view it, that if a girl so much as says she doesn't like this, then the relationship is doomed. I am so trying to think of an analogy from a women's point of view that would sum this up. Say I had a love of horror films, but my bf doesn't. However, I insist it's all normal and force him to watch them with me because I won't give them up in the relationship, it's non negotiable. Does anyone think that sounds fucked up, because it is. Porn viewing, which I believe ultimately does make men objectify women (why the hell is it that men think it's their inalienable right to stare at women like they are a piece of meat - do you think that might have something to do with porn, even if they are with a women). The thing is, as jessica in the above post did, she accepted his watching as though it was normal. Jessica, please write in again because I accepted, or allowed, my bf to introduce porn into the relationship so he doesn't feel he has to hide things, however I feel I have compromised on my principals here. So, the old adage of "all men do it" still doesn't sit easily with me. In fact, I no longer want sex with my bf, despite me fancying the pants off him. Something in my pschye is inhibiting me from being intimate with him. I really have no desire now because of this; in fact I tried to masturbate this morning after he went to work and I just gave up - I just feel completely numb and it as though my mind has been turned off from him. I believe my unconscious mind is at work here. When your actions do not marry with your values/principles, then the body/mind becomes out of synch. Some might call this the "gut feeling" that something is not quite right. I understand the allure of it, as having watched it you do get instantly turned on, even if what is on screen is not particularly exciting. However, having watched it as a women, I could honestly turn round to you and say if it was an issue for my partner, then I would happily never watch it again. It doesn't have that hold over. The scary thing is, men don't seem to be able to say this. That truly is the really, really scary thing. You wouldn't even give it up if it affected your relationship. Are you men so all fucked up that you cannot, or won't give this up?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): i hate porn, its mentally cheating, boyfriends should think of their girlfriends when jacking off, not looking at other women. It's wrong, what is wrong with the world to think that this is the norm... to all the boys out there...
if you found your girlfriend masturbating over a male porn star how would you feel, knowing that someone else who wasnt you made your girlfriend want to touch herself?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): I totally agree. And poeple should not be telling these girls to get over it. Some girls care some do not. The ones who do, should find someone who doesn't watch porn, not change themselves! It's that simple!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): i have never been in a relationship... i am a woman... n i was pretty close to this guy that suddenly told me to watch porn together with him. i hated it. i dont hate porns. sometimes i watch them. but this guy asked me to watch porn and ask me to masturbate in front of him. what's that supposed to mean. he said he wanted to have sex like how they do it in porns with me. but if i said no. he called me names. now what's that supposed to mean. this low life bastard really pissed me off. and i hated porns since that. it's like, everytime he talks to me. it's always about porns. nothing else. really guys (believe it or not) see women as objects for sex rather than a woman. and they probably dont even realize it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): I don't watch porn as oddly enough, after a certain amount of views I can't get an erection from it.
How would you feel if your boyfriend video taped both of you guys and then later on played it as his own personal porn?
I feel its something that me and my girlfriend have done and its alleviated her.
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reader, Ckao  +, writes (22 May 2009):
 I feel exactly the same as you do...
I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now and i'm totally against porn in a relationship..
and i've voiced my opinion on it..
he tells me over and over that he'll stop but i always find out about it..
even when its clearly on his computer he says i just dreamed about it or something retarded..
Anyway.. its gotten to the point where he has no interest in me..
we have sex like.. once or twice a week and it hurts me so much to know that hes watching all of those pretty perfect girls and jacking off to them
when hes so discusted by me.. tells me how fat and ugly i am and never wants me..
i used to be so confident and he just destroyed me..
well anyway.. so.. after about a year of him telling me how he wishes i was this pornstar or he wishes i could suck dick like this girl.. im pretty much numb.
i still have sex with him when he wants it.. but i almost cry, or end up crying half way through it. porn honestly ruins relationships.
if you have a girlfriend. fuck her. dont fucking go find some girl online.......
it IS cheating when all they think about is other girls.
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reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (22 May 2009):
 As someone who owns and operates Adult websites and social sites (3 of them and make very good money at doing it, as it was the best business decision Ive ever made) you would be surprised at how many women do not only watch, but download and buy memberships in sites. As of my last count, 36 percent of my members are women. So to say that this is a male phenomena is bullshit.
Does it hurt relationships? Only if it exacerbates another underlying issue where a couple is not communicating when it should, for porn in and of itself(between consenting ADULTS) is not evil, it is how it is used by the consumer that is either benevolent or malevolent. So for those who find it so unacceptable, I would submit to you that you should be looking into some self evaluation of your relationship and how YOU can strengthen it, rather than blaming porn.
The majority of those spending the money at my sites on purchases of films and marital aids are women, unless there is a rash of men shoving vibrators up their asses. Admittedly there are a few around here that I would nt doubt engage in this practice at every waking moment based on their the responses to this thread.
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reader, emmalou +, writes (21 May 2009):
i really don't see the harm in porn, i don't like it myself but if my partner did it wouldn't bother me. a man is going to masturbate are you gonna try and stop them from doing this as well, surely its got to be better than the alternative, so girls whats it to be ask yourself this your man masturbating over porn or your man shagging someone else?????
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reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (21 May 2009):
 This post is asked FAR TOO often!
Not ALL men watch porn, but you girls do go on about it far too much, if you have ever read a Jane Ayre novel and enjoyed the sexy bits that is the same as a guy watching porn!
I know this doesn't make sense in your mind, but guys have to use images where as you can use your imagination for the same effect.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): I love porn but I would probably toss the stuff if my GF made me an ultimatum about it.
But I would also partly be pissed about the principle of being given that kind of ultimatum.
It feels sort of like the same iron-fisted attempt to control me that lots of guys feel over their woman's past sexual life.
Looking at porn isn't cheating on her. Her seeing it just forces her to accept reality. She is not the only female on earth that I ever have had or ever will have sexual feelings for. I love and feel very attracted to her and yet my brain is aware of other women existing. How horrible.
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reader, kellyxxx +, writes (21 May 2009):
 I understand what you are saying, I don't think my boyfriend watches porn (if he does he hides it very well) but its totally unacceptable to me! I stopped smoking for him, so I think he should Be able to give up things for me. If you can't give pron up then you are messed up! X
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