A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HiI've been dating a girl for 5 months now, i often mention long term plans, but she always says she doesn't think we will be together long term, as she feels she will sabotage the relationship at some point without knowing it, she also says that i should "Just enjoy the ride" as she doesnt make plans for the future only the present.She has had a very successful relationship track record, her past boyfriend used to beat her up and her boyfriend after that died in Iraq.Is she insecure about relationships from her past, So should i stay with her and try and make it last, or am i wasting my time being with someone that doesn't want to be with me long term.Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): I think you meant to type she has an UNsuccessful past with relationships.
Sadly, this girls esteem and emotional that are bigger than you can (or should) deal with.
If you want a long term relationship with someone then you are not going to find it with her if she will not try.
Sit down and talk to her about your feelings and concerns.
If it hurt or suprised you that she does not see a future with you in it...tell her. If you are concerned that she is worried things will end you badly or that she sabotages her relationships;discuss it. Do not say you might be wasting your time, instead tell her that you are worried about getting attached about getting hurt in the end. It is ok to let her know that you feel vulnerable too.
No relationship survives without communication.
After your discussion, give it some time and see if opening up to her made a difference in her thinking/feelings?
A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (24 October 2011):
You are more commited to the relationship than she is. This is not good. You should take her at her word, and make sure you are making the effort to go out with friends, and invest time in yourself. The only way she is going to change her mind is if she sees you as a confident, secure and popular guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): It sounds like she likes your company and you but im afraid she may not love you.
You on the other hand love her. Loving someone who doesnt love you makes you feel lonely if it drags on.
Its best if you part ways now before it starts messing with your head and heart. Save your love for someone who is going to love you in return.
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A
male
reader, landomando  +, writes (24 October 2011):
She is purposely going to "sabotage the relationship"... like she is going to cheat on you or something just to end it? Thats messed up. I would break up with her. There is no hope. She even said it
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 October 2011):
 Sounds to me like she's being realistic and you are sounding desperate.... Unfortunately, desperate always loses out......
Sorry....
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (23 October 2011):
 Most girls who will sabotage things don't even bother to tell you first. You've gotten lucky. A relationship *cannot* work if both people don't believe in it working. Period. Break it off now before you get any more emotionally invested, and consider it a valuable experience.I know your protective instincts are in overdrive and you want to help her, but this is the kind of thing where she has to help herself. Move on, wish her the best of luck.
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