A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Have any of you ever dated someone who at first you were so infatuated with and thought was this amazing person that couldn't be better for you and made you so incredibly happy... but then over time realised those feelings you had have faded and you're now just holding onto something that isn't there purely because you're hoping that it'll get better and you're not sure if ending it is what you want?Because i'm in that situation, i've been seeing this guy for a long time now who at first made me have butterflies in my stomach when i saw him, felt amazing when we kissed and i was so stupidly happy whenever i was around him! I thought that he was perfect for me and i wondered how i was so lucky to have a guy like him, as i said, I was completely infatuated!But over time, those feelings have faded that now i'm not sure how i feel about him! He's terrible at keeping in contact that it makes me feel he doesn't think about me much or is that interested, when we're together he doesn't make me feel special or treat me the way a guy would if he liked a girl. Just he's messed me around and keeps playing these mind games! I'm not sure he realises he's doing any of this, i've mentioned it once before but he's still doing it, i honestly do think he's oblivious to his behaviour, but that still doesn't make it okay because it's resulted in this.I've been thinking about it a lot and i think i've known for a while that i should end it and my feelings have gone. But yet i find that i don't want to end it because i'm hoping that it will get better, that it will soon go somewhere and be something more. For some reason the thought of knowing that we wont be together and not seeing him or talking to him again does upset me. I don't know what it is about him, i know i should end it because now i'm holding onto something that is no longer there, but just a lost cause. I don't know what i should do! I've been thinking this for a while now and i'm at a lost on what's the best thing to do... I'm feel like I'm being naive now, but yet i can't understand why it is I want him still in my life? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (27 December 2012):
Hi there. When people ate attracted to each other at first, you will get some feelings of butterflies in your stomach.
Because you are falling in love, and it's all new and exciting and fun.
And this is normal for most people.
However, these feelings do inevitably change with time, as you get to know each other better.
This is also normal for most people.
It's NOT that you don't like them as much, it's more that your feelings for each other mature and evolve with time and feeling comfortable with each other.
There is nothing wrong with it, and it doesn't mean that it's time to end it.
Unless he is treating you badly or abusing you in some way, well then it is most likely that it's a part of the natural evolution that all relationships pass through.
And this can start to happen after the new stage of 1 or 2 years onwards.
When you say that he is a bit slack in his contacting you, it could be a part of this evolution and that he feels safe and comfortable with you now, and so doesn't see a need to go "All Out" in his efforts to please you, as he would have done in the very beginning.
Relationships definitely DO change with time, there is no doubt about it.
And it doesn't matter what ages the 2 people are, they all go through this transition, nevertheless.
When you say he doesn't make you feel special, perhaps it is, that he doesn't take you out to nice places so much anymore.
Maybe, you both sit at home and watch television together, or hire out a movie, instead.
It could be just that you don't feel you do enough fun stuff together now, as you did in the beginning.
And if that is part of it, well then why not suggest doing something fun together?
Have some kind of suggestions to put to him, that you would like to do on a weekend.
He might not have any ideas much as to what you could do, so why not suggest something to him instead?
He might welcome some fresh ideas, and they don't have to cost any money at all.
Remember, variety is the spice of life, after all.
You might just be feeling a little bored.
And what you said about you would be upset if you didn't see him anymore, seems to point to the fact you DO have feelings for him still.
So you like being with him, don't you?
Anyway, you could try making suggestions to him about things to do on a weekend, and if you start to see that things get interesting again, well then that's great.
If on the other hand, it doesn't make any difference, or he won't take you anywhere or he doesn't want to do anything, well then you will need to make a decision on whether you believe it's worth it to keep the relationship going, after all.
At some point though, you will also need to have a chat to him and ask him what he feels about the relationship.
And it will be then, that you both find out if you still want to be together, or not.
The main thing is, you want to be sure you and him are both on the SAME page.
And what I mean by this, is that you and him both want the SAME things, regarding the relationship.
And that your expectations and his expectations of the relationship are the same.
And once this is clear to both of you, well then you decide where to go from that point on.
First of all though, you both need clarity - and then you decide.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): It has happened to me...
Last relationship thought he was amazing, found some stuff out went downhill from there. I basically fell for someone that I thought he was.
Had another relationship where a guy was practically obsessed with me... then after 7 weeks started ignoring me, it's called short lived passion. You saw him through rose tinted glasses then quickly knew what he was like after a while it happens.
You should dump him.
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